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Leaving step-life behind; 5 months later

Peony329's picture

My husband and I officially separated in early February, but here I am back on this site. He mailed me divorce papers yesterday and tomorrow will have been our second wedding anniversary, so perhaps that's why I'm feeling so contemplative tonight.

For those who don't remember me or are reading my post for the first time, here's a nutshell version of my story: a little over a year into our marriage, I gently opened up to him about my emotional struggles as a stepmom. His reaction is was totally uncalled for, and shined a light on his narcissistic and emotionally abusive ways.

I think that, in theory, it's easy to say, "yes! I'm free from step-life!" I do have moments where I do feel that way. Overall, I do feel freer and happier; my best friend said that I seem more like myself now. However, there's a big part of me that feels remorseful and a lot of sadness for my soon-to-be ex husband. I will be his third divorce, and it just makes me sad for him. Perhaps remorse and feeling guilty/bad is par for the course when it comes to the end of a relationship? I also sometimes think about my SS and feel sad for him as well.

I don't even know what the purpose of this post is, as I'm not really seeking advice or anything. I guess I just needed to get these emotions off my chest.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Agree wholeheartedly with this!!

Don't feel sorry for your soon-to-be ex. That's like an antelope saying, "Gee, I'm sorry that the poor lion wasn't able to catch me and tear me to shreds because I know he is hungry." Smile

You need to take care of you! Here's the best part: You are FREE! Free to do what you want, when you want. And you are free to meet the man of your dreams and have a wonderful life together. If I hadn't divorced my ex, I never would have met my SO. I had to kiss a few frogs in the meantime, but it was still a wonderful journey I wouldn't have if I had stayed in a bad marriage.

still learning's picture

Yes, be grateful there are no children from your union. I wouldn't talk to or think about either of my ex's if there weren't kids involved. But alas, the whole co parenting thing...bah!

Last In Line's picture

Give it time, and you'll realize how much better off you are minus him and all his baggage! Value yourself!

It is hard to end a relationship, even a bad one. Time does help--eventually you'll be able to look back and appreciate what you learned from the relationship.

Stepdrama11's picture

Thank you for posting the link to your blog post. Your strength and insight are remarkable. Hugs and all the best to you.

AlreadyGone's picture

Just remember to be extra kind to yourself. Smile It's so easy to get depressed when a relationship ends. Time and throwing yourself in to hobbies, interests, etc. helps so much. It will get better and you will find peace and happiness again. I promise. Wink

Thumper's picture

(((HUGS))))

I am sorry your hurting.

It is very hard, I know--I was there.

Try to remember the difference between what you want him to be, verses what he is.

Two different people I bet.