Dress as you would if you were going to a wedding for his boss or a boss's child. Beautiful, but classy.

I'm going to a wedding for DH's nephew (who I like) next month. I have a lovely outfit in a color that looks great on me. I'll wear my good jewelry and will look my best. It's not me trying to outshine anyone - just want to look my best in my case out of respect for the couple.

Dress as a guest. Go as DH's plus one.
Go and smile. Use heavy duty glue if you must.
Drink enough to keep your smile, but not enough that you say what you really think.
Go as DH's support person.

i would go dressed as elegantly and expensively as i could afford. wear a knock out dress. make every woman in the brides family green with envy. it would be worth it.

I think the better question may be: How will you be treated? The least of your worries should be: What to wear? Believe me, there is no guarantee that you and husband will be seated anywhere near each other, even though no one would dare think in a million years of splitting up any other married couple at an event.

I’ve seen this happen too often with SMs, attending “family” events, expecting to be treated like their husband’s spouse and getting openly hosed instead. I’ve probably repeated this story too many times, but here is what happened at my SD’s wedding approx. 2 years ago. I was expecting to go with my husband and share in a wonderful day watching my lovely and beautiful SD get married.

Here is what wound up happening. Not only was I shut out 100% and not even treated like a guest, but I had to unexpectedly watch my DH escort BM down the aisle, arm in arm (something my counselor said she had never heard of years after a divorce). There's wa-a-ay more that went on that day, but making a long story short. DH and I had been married for 13 years at the time. That was when I had it thrown in my face, manipulative, controlling BM and weak, enabling DH = step hell. Absolutely nothing was discussed with DH ahead of time. It was like dad was an afterthought, or it was just assumed that he would go along with whatever BM had going down.

Actually, both my husband and I were Shanghaied, and I get it that DH had no clue either, and what was he supposed to do when right after he handed out the programs, the minister came up to him and told him to take BM’s hand and walk her down the aisle and then come back and get his daughter (p.s., of course I expected him to walk his daughter down the aisle), but really! What a ruse! In hindsight and after talking with several people about this, they felt we were set up for this ahead of time by all involved.

Now it seems naïve, but at the time, I just assumed I would be treated with respect, like my husband’s spouse, and each and every guest would have a wonderful day celebrating SD’s nuptials. After all, the invite to my husband and I said, “Mr. and Mrs. XYZ.” The invite did not say, “Mr. XYZ and his Ho.” So, I had absolutely no clue I was going to wind up being kicked, beaten and fricasseed in public. Would have been better if the invite said, Mr. XYZ and his Ho because then I would have had a better idea of how I was going to be treated.

So, now, my thought is SMs don’t have to attend these events at all if they don’t want to or if they even remotely feel they are going to be treated little better than a mouse thrown into a viper’s den, because we all know DH's can and do wimp out. In the end, the point is, it should be SM's (or step-dad's decision), and not something they feel forced into or they have to suck it up and take it or they have to load up on booze, Valium, etc. to make it thru, unless they want to, that is. Otherwise, just say No.

Good luck with this, if you decide you're definitely going then just wear something that is classy and makes you feel amazing. Don't worry what anyone else will wear, if they can't be bothered to contact you and you're out of the loop it's not your concern.

Be polite, serene & smile at everyone - and I agree with an earlier reply - don't drink too much I hope you are treated with the respect you deserve.

My SS got married a couple of years ago. My husband and I were not yet married ourselves, but living together and sharing expenses. My husband got roped into paying for the expensive rehearsal dinner because BM backed out of paying her share (even though she gets a healthy amount of alimony each week). My husband got all of the thanks for "us" paying for the dinner.

I was treated like I was invisible. Corsages were given to her mother, BM, and godmother. I got nothing. My husband didn't have to walk BM down the aisle, but he was forced to pose for numerous family photos, like they were still one big happy family. My husband and BM can't be in the same room with one another, but were posed together in pictures. I had to stand by and watch. My husband then asked for a couple of pictures of he and I with the bride and groom. Later, when the bride posted her hundreds of wedding photos on Facebook, the ones with me and my husband were not included, but all of the forced family photos were there.

My son got married last year and I made sure my husband was in every photo with me. We even had some photos with me and my husband, and my ex-husband and his wife.