Needing advice please in relation to my partners adult daugher
I have been a single parent for 5 years. I met my windowed partner 2 years ago. We are both financially secure and have our own homes. My problem is I don't know what to do for the best in relation to his adult daughter. She adores her dad and visa versa. She still lives at home and has told me she will remain there for ever. I have always been kind to her and she was always polite to me until recently. We went to Ireland and her behaviour was off the wall. She demanded all his attention, expected him to pay for everything told me he would never marry me because he still loved his late wife etc. I discussed this with my partner and he told me to let it go and not to say anything to her. I asked him if she resented us been together and his reply was she is ok with us as we are but she would not allow me to move in. I was shocked about how he is allowing her to dictate his life and our relationship. He was in denial and stated this was not the case. I put up with her child like behaviour for 3 days and nights and on the last night she shouted in my face why are you been an f..... B..... To me. I told her not to swear or shout at me her dad may put up with it but certainly won't. She went ballistic and shouted to him that he had better get me f....... Sorted out. I told her never to speak to me again. This was a month ago and I did not get any support from my partner he stated he had my version, his daughters version and the truth. It's caused a rift between us and I feel like calling it a day. What shall I do. She's made no attempt to apologise and when I mentioned this to my partner he stated that will never happen. He thinks he can just keep us apart. Please advise I do love him and he's a lovely caring man but I won't be able to put up with her disrespectful behaviour, his denial and lack of support.
Dump him ASAP. He's
Dump him ASAP. He's basically told you that he thinks you are a big fat liar.
No, he is NOT a "lovely
No, he is NOT a "lovely caring man" - he has shown you that with his behavior and his lack of concern. You may love him, but face the cold hard fact that he does not love you the same way nor will he ever. His daughter is the forever love of his life.
This is a no-win situation. His daughter will always be the priority in his life. That's the real truth, and one which he will never admit to.
Thank God every day that you did not move in or sell your home for this relationship! What shall you do? Very simple. Option 1 is to end this, spend some time figuring out why you even WANTED to stay in this one (resolve self-esteem issues?) and then eventually go out and find a man who is willing to make you his partner in life.
Option 2 is to stay in this relationship, continue to be treated like a second class citizen and doormat, and expect every minute of it to be painful and emotionally draining.
Option 3 is to find a firm wall and beat your head against it repeatedly. You will feel better doing that than the continuing heartache you will get out of this daddy/daughter combo.
I agree with the other poster
I agree with the other poster in that he is essentially condoning her abusive behaviour. This will get much worse and your BF will not be there for you.
You will feel beaten up and run over. It will not be a good place to be .
End this ridiculous 3-way relationship now before you waste more of your life on this man. He is neither loving or caring towards you.
Sorry, but he's just not that
Sorry, but he's just not that into you.
Not only that, but he's a crappy parent, a crappy boyfriend, and would certainly make a crappy husband, as he already has a wife in his daughter.
Your SO has a possessive,
Your SO has a possessive, spoiled adult daughter, a mini wife. His poor parenting and possibly their shared grief over her mother's passing has created a dynamic where each depends on the other to fulfill certain emotional needs. Men enmeshed with their daughters aren't emotionally available, but pursue adult relationships for sex, mature companionship, etc.
The man you're dating already has a partner. You are the mistress, and your relationship has progressed about as far as it can. You can't undo or forget what happened on your vacation - that was a glimpse of ugly reality. Do you really want such an angry, adversarial, maladjusted woman in your life? Or a man who won't protect you and therefore condones such outrageous behavior? They share a sickness. Cut your losses and move on to something healthier.
His actions are appalling and
His actions are appalling and unless he makes his adult daughter accountable for her behaviour you really have no choice but to end this relationship.
I think when she told you she would never be leaving home I would definitely have discussed this with your SO, it's a BIG RED FLAG. As we all know , our job as parents is to make our children independent and they leave the next, they do not stay forever ! Your SO should have pointed this out to her and told her she needs a plan for her future, make a plan. ! (one which does not involve playing mini wife to Daddy dearest.) Actually there are so many RED FLAGS, him not immediately telling her off for speaking to you like that, him saying his adult would never allow you to move in , all very dysfunctional. I would be asking him some very direct questions, where does he see this relationship going ? What are his plans regarding the adult daughter, what sort of life does he want for his future ?.
BTW how old is the daughter ?
Why was she in Ireland with you both on holiday ?
Did your SO pay for his daughter's holiday including fares etc ?
Does he have any other children ?
She is 24. She was in Ireland
She is 24.
She was in Ireland with us because it was a friends birthday party. We had all been invited 20 of us . He said that she had paid for herself because his son and dsughter in law wanted to go but could not afford it. He paid for the airport transport, every meal and her drinks. She had taken pending money but refused to spend it demanding that her dad went to the bar etc. he has a son aged 26 he is a lovely lad.
This is how it begins. You go
This is how it begins. You go into the relationship never imagining the horrible turn things can take. When it starts to happen, it causes us to doubt our own judgement. Plus, for those of us who like children and are good natured, we think things can turn around. So many responses and everyone is saying the same thing...RUN. It is difficult enough for those of us who have DHs with kids who dismiss and disrespect us even when our Dh's support us. This is a no-brainer. He is giving you no support and even if he did, you cannot imagine the road ahead with this spoiled brat.