Adult Step Daughters 19 & 21 Lazy and questionable sexual conduct
Hello all! I am at my wits end. I will try to make this as condensed as possible.
I live with my common law husband. We had dated many years ago and 8 months ago I flew down and never left his side. He was my first real love. Still is.
We have had soooo many issues 
His daughter who is 20 was away at college when I moved in. His 19 year old worked/works at a small store. I was chauffeuring her around until I finally was able to drive with her and she got her license (It was like pulling teeth) She is super quiet, rarely talks. I've adopted the name "She sloth" from another member. I tried at the outset to get to know her, took her shopping, nails etc. I noticed she would be so rude to her father..giving him the bird, telling him "Bite me" when he asked her to do anything. Her room looks worse than a section 8 apartment full of crack heads.(No offense to anyone intended I managed section 8 apartments in the past and some tenants were the bombdiggity) Her bathroom :jawdrop: looks WORSE than a nasty truck stop restroom (Because there are also clothes, dirty underwear and tampons unwrapped in the trash bin-which the dog has digested and gotten sick from) :jawdrop:
Well, after while a dread set DEEP in my heart when I noticed that her father would put his hands down his pants absentmindedly and fiddle around while watching television and sometimes standing in the kitchen! EW...so I goggled around and found that a lot of guys do it unaware of how it looks. Our first BIG ROW. He finally stopped pretty much when I said "What if someone was scratching their crotch and started making you dinner, opening doors and such" :sick: And if I sat in front of my son with my hands between my legs rubbing myself how would that look to you??
Then, I noticed he'd put his hand on her inner thigh while she was driving or another time sitting in a restaurant. Red flag #2 - I told him about this...Oh boy. He seemed unaware of how it looked-and stopped **WHEW**
And now, whenever he and she are around I feel like I have to monitor them! She will rub her feet allover his, wear her hair in a pony tail to look like a baby I guess to get attention.
Just two more! LOL Recently she was sitting on the sofa with her sister and we were all watching television. She had bought a stuffed octopus and I look over and she is stroking one of its tentacles like "You know" and eyeballing her dad..when I would look at her she'd look away and smile and this kept up for quite awhile until her sister swatted her hand away and said something and I just BLEW! :sick: father acted like he didn't see anything I said "You have preferential (sp) vision don't you??" on top of all of this day four of sis home from college and the house is a train wreck and I am ON STRIKE. Any words of wisdom for our sit down we are to soon have? I AM going to bring up the last stunt she pulled I know she does it because she can get to me but I can't help this pissed off feeling in my heart. Love
You need to leave his side
You need to leave his side and fly back where you came from.
Plenty more octopus, I
Plenty more octopus, I believe.
I started to say maybe you
I started to say maybe you all will have a 3some but it sounds like maybe a 4some.
very glad I don't live in a
very glad I don't live in a common law state.
Wanna "hold yourself out as married?"
Get freaking married.
Ridiculous, in my opinion.
Gross. Is something going on
Gross. Is something going on with him and his daughters or is the daughter just making it look like it. That is worse than a mini wife. I would leave immediately if I witnesses anything like that.
Gross. GTFO ASAP.
Gross.
GTFO ASAP.
Chicken.
Chicken.
Having a rough ride, poke my
Having a rough ride, poke my head in from time to time.
19yo pseudo adults can do
19yo pseudo adults can do what they want when they want.... in the privacy of their own homes if they are supporting themselves completely. If they are living in a parent's home they do what they are told when they are told just like if they were 19mos old.
The next time she pulls this inappropriate crap tell her that if she ever pulls this shit again she will have 30mins to vacate YOUR marrital home. I know, it is her father's home but as his equity life partner it is YOUR marrital home.
The message needs to include a demand for action that if her space is not clean and orderly by sun rise the next morning she will have 30mins to vacate the residence. Any repeat of either inapproriate behavior or failure to maintain her crap and spaces in the home will give her a 30min eviction notice. Then make it happen.
Zero tolerance... PERIOD!
As for your DH's crotch rubbing crap... to scratch an itch is one thing. To fondle is something else entirely. I would say that you need to put some serious thought into the perspective that "If it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, scratches like a dog, and barks like a dog, it must be a dog." The amalgamation of his self stroking, fondling his 19yo daughters inner thigh, and not immediately nailing her ass to the wall for her inappropriate crap including stroking the tenticle puts DH firmy in the "dog" category. I would be looking for the most lucritive exit strategy you can formulate were I you.
Sounds like a case of Electra
Sounds like a case of Electra Complex; the Electra complex, as proposed by Carl Gustav Jung, is a girl's psycho-sexual competition with her mother (could be stepmom too) for possession of her father.
Usually, most "dad's" are uncomfortable with this and put up solid boundaries with daughter. The dad's that don't are the ones to run away from as fast as you can!
And why would you want to stay in this relationship? Do you, by chance, have low self esteem?
Absolutely this
Absolutely this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think many guys do the
I think many guys do the scratching thing and they really don't know they are doing it, hopefully you have that one solved now that you have pointed it out to him.
Onto the SD, my SD, who was about 22 at the time, escalated the touchy feely stuff with her father when we started living together. TBH at first I was a bit alarmed, she was always cuddling him and occasionally would come out of the bathroom with only her knickers and bra on, one time she took a layer of clothing off at the dining table and exposed her bra in the process, not appropriate IMO. What I rationally came to conclude was, my DH never initiated any of the touchy feely stuff, it was always the SD, DH didn't reciprocate other than a quick hug back. I came to the conclusion pretty quickly that she was playing games and it was directed at me so I didn't react. It all went away in time, during which I concentrated on my relationship and dealing with DH on getting his adult children to become more independent etc.
My advice to justshootmeplease, when you see inappropriate behaviour, don't react immediately in front of the SD , if it's really something out there DO quietly tell your partner how you feel without insinuating anything sinister, just say it's not appropriate. If things don't change then you have a problem.
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