Too many kids means hubby is done.
So my hubby has 3 kids, plus one biological kid with me.
I want a second one. I understand his reasons for not- he has 4 already. But I don't. I just have the one. They all live with us full time apart from when his kids see their mother on occasion. I know 4 kids is a lot and I do see his side that he has so many but for me, I see it as just one of my own children. Why can he not see it from my perspective? 
I crave a second child.
It's not financial- I totally support (financially) our own bio kid including all his childcare costs. And would with the next one that I'm not allowed to have. Anyone else dealt with this?
(cue many people telling me how selfish I am for wanting another kid when there are already so many in our house). *sigh*
Perhaps he's thinking about
Perhaps he's thinking about what happens if the marriage fails. He would be responsible for helping to support FIVE kids. :jawdrop:
If he can't help support the 4 he currently has, then not adding another is a no brainer.
Well, that's depressing.
Well, that's depressing.
"One thing people don't
"One thing people don't really think about anymore regarding kids is that they are also an investment for one's old age- someone to help make sure you're taken care of (another thing some may think is selfish, not me. It's not all about money you save.)"
I am a person that couldn't disagree more with this statement, to me having a child with the mind set that the child will be around to take care of you when you're old is very selfish and why would you bring a life in to the world to burden it with the end of your own? I think taking care of your parents is the right thing to do however I would never expect it or have a child while thinking anything in that manner.
Funny you should mention
Funny you should mention that. Japan is like that and BADLY--they have a negative population. From an economists point of view, it's terrible because there's not enough new generation to support the old generation. From an environmentalists point of view though... good? They even have classes now trying to persuade couples to have kids.
Why do you "crave" another
Why do you "crave" another baby?
Have you taken a good look at why you want another child? Motivations, needs, fantasies are all decent things to evaluate. Playing with ideas is not bad. Honestly assessing your motivations and plans is a good thing. Perhaps if you were more clear in your own mind, you could explain yourself more effectively to DH.
Finances are ALWAYS a consideration as a parent.
My ex had 2 when I married
My ex had 2 when I married him and we had 1 together. My former stepsons are 2 years apart and always have had each other. My BS is almost 8 years younger than the youngest and now is essentially an only child. He begs me regularly to adopt another child so he can have a sibling who is his age and always with him. My sister and I are 3 years apart so I get where he is coming from. I wish he had a sibling to play with, I would have loved another child but it just is not gonna happen now. Sometimes we just have to be greatfull for what we have.
Or, you could have fostered
Or, you could have fostered and adopted a daughter who devolved into an adult SKID like my SD-31. I think of that when I feel any angst about my BS being an only child.
Or did the OP agree to one
Or did the OP agree to one kid, then change her mind?
Interestingly we didn't
Interestingly we didn't discuss numbers- he agreed for kids. I think the only rider was "not 3". I do actually agree that 3 would be too many.
I just want another. I always envisioned having kids that could play with one another. The skids are all 12+ years older. 2 would be my ideal number. I have the money (of my own- as I worked full time many years with no kids I came to the marriage in a much stronger financial position than he) to take maternity leave of 9-12 months and fully support myself, and then return 3 days. I have the $ to support myself and both kids and I don't ask him for anything in this regard.
I value our relationship, I value the marriage. I just feel sad. I know that he puts a huge amount of effort into the family and his way of showing affection is to do things for people so I wonder if he feels he can't give what he should with another child? But he won't really tell me why - he just thinks it's too much.
It's kind of weird. DH has
It's kind of weird. DH has one with BM, we have one and another on the way and the second was purely because we both decided BD will benefit from having a sibling close in age and close in relationship so when we pass, she has someone there for her. Also, 3 out of my 4 closest friends are single children and they ALL wished they had a sibling to take the pressure off of them--especially during school and now that our parents are all getting older, I really appreciate my younger sister who helps take some of the load even though we used to fight all the time.
I was perfectly happy with just 1, but DH talked me into it (and then BD who kept saying she "wanted a sister" at 2 and a half years old--WTF Peppa Pig).
Now DH wants ANOTHER one after this one which would make us have 3 plus his 1 with BM but I'm getting my tubes tied. Or whacking him in the nuts with a golf club. (He even asked how many we could have conceivably if we spaced them out every 3 years.) Financially it has not been a burden at all which I think is why he really wants more (and because his family is HUGE)--I work from home so no childcare costs, our health insurance (which he doesn't pay for because he has a cushy gov. job) covers formula. The only thing was diapers because clothes were always handed down by his big family (he has like 25 first cousins, some of whom even have grandkids).
I would have him lay it out to his exact reasons. Is it financial? Is it emotional? Ask him to think about your/his youngest, doesn't his heart break for the baby? (It did for me when I really thought about it from that point of view which is why I agreed to the second one.)