I lived in the house that they bought together and brought their children home to. It was also the house that she cheated on DH in - he was out of town for work and she moved her man in while he was gone. It's also the same house that every member of DH's family has lived in at some point. I hated that house. The karma was just bad. DH promised me when we got married we'd get a new house, that never happened. Finally I made him promise that I wouldn't have to bring our children home to that house - well that didn't happen either but when I found out I was pregnant - I told him I was getting a new house or I was completely remodeling the one we had - I lived with contractors up until the Friday before I delivered DS. I gutted bathrooms and scrapped ceilings, new windows and doors - painted everything. It was great - I actually wish I could have that bathroom again. But then we finally bought a new house but we kept the old house as a rental.

Can you paint - change anything - new furniture? Find something

You are living my life!!! Except at least you got her name off the house.... My DH claims that he can't get her name off without having to re-finance and he's already up-side-down, so that won't happen. Their divorce papers claim she has no hold in the house, but I still think that if anything happened to him, it would go to her since her name is still on the house. But we even have the same furniture (bedroom and kitchen) that he had with her!!! I know, I hate it!!! At first he was against me getting rid of the stuff, now he's a little better, but we just had a baby, so that's the last thing on my mind to purchase at this point. I still own my house, which I never shared with anyone, and won't give that up until we are out of his house!!!

I completely understand your HATE for being there, I'm the same way, especially when mail comes for the both of them!!!

How about when biodad just GIVES the ENTIRE marital home to the BM; she sells it and keeps ALL the profits; no questions asked??!!

Oh and gives her six months of his entire salary whilst living with you. Oh and agrees to take all the marital debt on (your dime of course0

Oh and lets her forge his signature on the last joint return; only to discover that BM "accidentally" on purpose raided all three skids college funds and didn't report the withdrawal on said tax return. WHOOPS!! Oh and then tries to stick biodad for the penalties, taxes and interest.

Oh and allows BM to dump the vehicle she "didn't want" complete with upside down car loan in his lap for YOU to pay for.

Oh and agrees to EVERYTHING she wants w/o getting an attorney, basically full CS to 21 plus add ons plus unending college funds and orthodonture.

YAY!!!!

Sorry to hijack. . .just venting. At this point I think I would have preferred to confiscate the marital home and sell it out from under the BM!! At least biodad would have gotten SOMETHING out of the divorce other than quite literally, the shirt on his back.

We lived in DH's marital home for 2 years before he lost it in forclosure. BM didn't work & had no way to pay into it, so it was in his name alone, but it was their home together. I hated the way I felt in "their" home. I hated the cheesy angels & cherubs that adorned every freaking room & the "love" messages BM had written on SS's bedroom walls in marker & crayon (right after DH painted all of the rooms in the house, she invited all of SS's little friends over & they had play day writing & drawing love messages & pictures all over his walls).

I had dreams at least 2 nights a week about BM being a ghost & living in the basement of that house. It wouldn't have mattered how much paint I slathered on those walls or what new furniture I fixed the rooms up with...I believe I would've always felt it was "their" house.

Even having moved from that place 8 years ago, I am still reminded on a weekly basis (DH's payday) of that house. He is currently being garnished from every paycheck to pay back the $13,750 they weren't able to get back at auction. Being he got it on a government loan, it can't be bankrupted, so they are picking his checks apart $7 - $50 every week until it's paid off. Child support comes out first, & then the amount they garnish for the house is based on what his pay is for the week. I have no idea how long it'll take to rid himself of that awful place, but it can't be soon enough.

I agree with imaSmom on the rental idea. Lots of people are looking for affordable housing but can't qualify for home loans right now.

I am getting ready to move into the home that my fiance built with BM. Her name was never on the house but her name was on the mortgage. He got her off the mortgage, sold all of the furniture that they bought together (kept anything that he had pre-marriage) and we just started a 650sf addition of a new master suite. That way, I don't have to sleep in room that she lived in and this is all mine. Also, FH is putting my name on the deed once we marry. That will be more than she had. Next on the remodel list is the kitchen. I'll make it mine too. All of this was HIS idea. He had it planned out before he even asked me to marry him. It makes me feel alot better about the situation since he is obviously aware that this could be a touchy situation. He has handled it well. As far as he is concerned, I can paint or do anything that I want to do cause he says it's MY house. We are using the bed that I bought with my XH. There is a small reminder of her that I hate. Her name is scratched in the cement on the back patio. We've got to figure out how to get that out....I guess we'll just have to put in a pool to get rid of that. From what I hear from SS13, BM always wanted a pool. }:)

Ugh! Been there, done THAT crap. Not fun. Especially because the bitch is tacky... But I digress!

Not only did I have to live in the home they shared, he had the SAME furniture. ALL the same furniture, including the couch in the family room AND the bed in the master bedroom. I complained about it and even at one point told him I would NOT sleep in that bed one more night. We were in counseling at that time (we need to be still!) and I was elated that the therapist was offended FOR me and she told him that it was incredibly unhealthy to still have all this stuff around from his former life. It wasn't until we moved out of state late last year that I put that bedroom set in a guest room. He tried to fight me on that... Ha! He lost that battle.

I refused to live in their house. Fortunately that was during an up market or things between me and DH might have turned out differently. Seriously.

Furniture - oh, yes. DH bought a new bed before I ever saw the inside of his house. He made sure I knew it. Smart man (sometimes ). As to the rest, I have put up with some of the furniture because DH tells me stories about how he got it in college or it belonged to his grandma and he's very sentimental. But recently I saw a picture of BM at their house when she was younger, lounging near this piece of furniture that's now in my entryway and I was seized with the desire to get rid of the damn thing, heirloom or no. I don't give a crap if it's rational or irrational, in the near future I am going to find "the perfect piece, DH!" for the entry and move the 'heirloom' somewhere way more out of sight 'so it can't get damaged.' I can't stand the thought of her walking in and seeing it and thinking 'oh that used to be ours.' Some SMs have told me in the past that you can turn that thought around as in "now it's mine, sweetie, too bad so sad." And after all aren't the KIDS the biggest symbol of their past life together? But irrational or no I don't care. I want our stuff, not their stuff.

If you can't move, gut the place and make it your own!!

I remodeled...painted...stripped and my husband pitched in. Now it's his and MINE!

Go in there and make it your own.

Yes, I'm in this situation. I moved into this house four years ago. I knew from the get-go that it wasn't ideal, but we weren't in a financial position to buy another house. So I moved in with him and his kids, in the house that the kids had lived in with both of their parents, before their divorce. At first, it didn't bother me much, although I've never grown to love the place. As time has gone on, it's bothered me more. The SS moved out almost two years ago. SD is nearly fifteen, so she will be here half time (and making life difficult) for a few more years. DH wants to stay in this house forever. I'm thinking more and more that when the SD moves out, I would like to get a place that is just ours, where neither his ex wife nor his kids ever lived.

Yes, I'm in this situation. I moved into this house four years ago. I knew from the get-go that it wasn't ideal, but we weren't in a financial position to buy another house. So I moved in with him and his kids, in the house that the kids had lived in with both of their parents, before their divorce. At first, it didn't bother me much, although I've never grown to love the place. As time has gone on, it's bothered me more. The SS moved out almost two years ago. SD is nearly fifteen, so she will be here half time (and making life difficult) for a few more years. DH wants to stay in this house forever. I'm thinking more and more that when the SD moves out, I would like to get a place that is just ours, where neither his ex wife nor his kids ever lived.

Yes, and I said I would never do that. DH made me feel it would be my home and seemed to value my input on remodeling. I also put my own style in it which I was free to do. And we got a new bedroom set. However, with one kid still living at home and when the other came back for a year, I felt like a complete outsider no matter how much we remodeled. I also would find cards DH and BM gave to each other here and there and pictures of them together because he never really cleaned out and put anything away. It was not easy. The SK's are now out and we finally are going to move and buy our own home in another state. I think it makes it more difficult when kids grew up in the house and still live there; it's more their house than yours.

I do not know how you ladies do/did that.

DH had this obsession with the house him and BM lived in (only for a short time and he never married the bitch)...

I stayed there for a couple of months and then we moved out. I hated that house. I hated the hill billy town, I thought it was dirty and cluttered, I hate rustic anything and it was all rustic decor. Now I have my own place, with my own minimalist style and BM has never stepped foot in it.

At the very least, in your situation, I would remodel and add as much of my own look to the place as I could.

But as a previous poster said... in a way... the KIDS are the biggest reminder of their former life. Ew. It sucks, doesn't it?!

Yup, we married and I moved into his old married home and his childrens childhood home from jr high and up. BM had a horrid sense of design making it look like a mentally ill person decorated the house. The living room ceiling was maroon, with pink walls. Most of the rooms were a shade of rose/red, or pink but ss30's room had green paint with orange trim. ss26's room was powder blue with a dark blue ceiling. It was awful. the first thing I did was patch holes and then paint. I also removed a wall and put down new flooring. I do feel like it's "my" home now even though both grown ss's have said that this is "their" home.

We're buying "our" own home in a few years and I'm excited to have a house that skids have no claim over. It's really annoying to hear them talk about the beautiful tulips coming up that BM planted. Live and learn, if I could go back I would not have moved in with him.

I moved into the home that DH and BM shared and brought their three kids home to. They grew up in that home. All of the furniture and decorative crap that DH and BM picked out together is still there.

I HATE THAT HOUSE.

DH still doesn't understand why it bothers me so much. I sold my house when DH and I got married, and I'd give anything to have it back. That was MY house. I loved that house and felt comfortable there from the first day I lived there. But DH's house? Forget it. I've been there almost three years and still don't feel comfortable there at all. Everywhere I look, every piece of furniture I have to use, was chosen by DH and BM while they were still married. Everything. She didn't take any of it with her.

But that's okay. I'm moving out with my two kids in just over two months. I can't tell you how relieved I am to be doing that. I love my DH and like him very much, as well, but I won't be sorry at all to walk out of THEIR (DH and BM's) house for the last damn time. It's never been my house. I feel like I've just been staying there for a while, like a guest.

It never got better for me. Maybe remodeling and/or replacing the furniture would have helped, but that just never happened. I doubt it would've made much difference anyway, and at this point, I don't give a shit either way anymore.

I can totally relate to what you are going through.  I just recently got married and we are still dealing with his baggage from his ex wife.  The only reason I got married this soon was because I thought this would be behind us by now.  I sold my house to move in the house he shared with his ex for 16 years.  It sucks, I know.  Even thought I've painted and tried to decorate with my stuff, I hate the house. I'm not even on the deed, nor is my name on anything except what I already had before I got married.  We have a joint bank account but there is no money going in it or out of it and very little in it.  I try to talk to my husband about it and it just ends up into a fight, so why bother at this point.  I didn't expect the first month of my marriage to be so focused on his past but I should of known that going in.  

My husband knew from the beginning that I didn't want to live there. But he's made no attempts to change that and I beat myself up everyday for not standing my ground.  I try to talk to him and after we have a night of fighting he acts like nothing is wrong.  I know it's tough so hang in there, God will give you the sign on what to do. Stay strong! 

When my DH and I married 16 years ago, I moved into the house that he and BM lived in and raised the 2 boys in. Over time we got rid of a lot of 'their' furniture and repainted and the house looks very different. However, it took at least 10 years for me to feel like this was my house, too. The fact that my stepsons were constantly bringing up stories about the house and their childhood didn't help. I understand they have their memories but my oldest SS used the stories as a way to say 'this was my house before you moved in'. They both moved out within 2 years of my moving in. My 3 kids and my 7 grandkids are here frequently and my SSons don't care for that. Too bad. What I'm saying is, yes, it was tough at first but the house has taken on a new life over the years. This is my home and, honestly, there is no trace of BM left in this house or any of the landscaping.

I married my DH when his BD was 21 and my BD 18. I was divorced/ he was a widower. Neither girl was there much ( college, jobs) but when my SD was? OMG, it was all about her mothers ( dead mothers) house. i still redid what I wanted and still wished we were anywhere else but my now deceased DH wanted his shop/ it was part of our planning going into the marriage.When we wrote first wills over 20 years ago , we also removed his dead wife and I went on the deed ( to make it $$ fair, I paid the remainder of the mortgage and taxes so it was ours) We were married  over 20+ years... but even after DH died, SD threw a hissy fit in the lawyers because she didnt get 50% of his estate right then. ( she got quite a bit/ just filed taxes) Anyway, Ive had my issues with her. I still have stuff in garage for her to take. But the house? yeah, Ill stay. its where my BD and our GK come. Its my memories of my DH, my BD/ his SD and our GK / his SGK. years down the road? kids out of house? Im the only bio parent for my daughter( my ex is dead) and no bioparents on stepdaughter. so, yeah, Ill stay - because we looked past what it was and made it ours. Neither girl gets this when Im gone - it gets sold.