What To Do With Affluenza Step-Daughter
You would think I would have the answer to this question as I have a degree in Psychology/Clinical Psych to boot! However, I have raised two children and have a 5 yr old grandchild and never in my life have I seen a child be as manipulative, lying, and disrespectful in my life and get accolades for doing it! My SD is 9 and my husband allows her to do anything she wants, blames everyone else for anything that she does and literally said she doesn't need discipline.
I have been in her life for the past 6, going on 7 years. Her "traits" started to emerge around 5 yrs old and I said to my husband then that she needed discipline because it would not get better as she got older. Fast forward four years and she is now pushing my grandchild across the room, literally will come up and stand in front of you while watching TV and just stare at you until you have to stop watching TV, does the same behavior if adults are having a conversation, she bold face lies when asked why she did something even if she knows you saw her do it (which by the way, she NEVER does anything while her father is in the room), she talks non-stop and if you don't listen or make her the center of attention, she literally cries, at 9 YEARS OLD!
She comes to the home every other weekend and sometimes more and I cringe when those times come. I am at the point where I am thinking of not getting my grandson on those weekends because I don't want him exposed to this behavior. I won't discipline her, and I have stopped telling my husband what she does because he will literally yell and scream at me that she isn't to blame for anything and she doesn't do anything. So basically I just have nothing better to do than pull this *&(*&97 out my *&(*&(. When she treats my grandson bad, I just take him into another room.
She has no friends at all in school. She tells me this. My husband feels that is ok. It is NOT ok because once she hits teen years, looking for that attention/affection is not going to produce good results.
I have absolutely no idea what to do because no matter what I say, I'm wrong, and she can basically set the house on fire and her father would say, it's ok, we can get another one.
My next idea is to try to record her when she is doing her "stuff" and then show my husband. I'm not even sure if he sees it in video he will actually acknowledge the problem.
Any insight would be helpful.
Thee really isn't much I can
Thee really isn't much I can offer you up on the skid but it sounds like your DH is the one you should have issues with.
I do. We go rounds about it
I do. We go rounds about it at times and it makes me feel that I am not valued at all for my intellect. I'm telling him what happens and he just acts like I'm making it up. I do think I may record it and see what happens. I know I cannot live a life like this every other weekend. It won't get better because neither the mother nor the father discipline her at all.
What to do with the 9 year
What to do with the 9 year old? Nothing. Much like I'd recommend you having nothing to do with her head in the sand idiot father.
Not sure why so many women
Not sure why so many women are afraid of their man's yelling and screaming. So what if he gets upset...you're upset too. Next! Tell him to calm down and talk to you like an adult, and don't accept his stupid, ridiculous justifications. Either yell louder or get really calm and insist on him responding to your LOGICAL and accurate perceptions. Why back down when he is so close to cracking?
I've been yelled at, called names, dogged out, etc. and then the next day he realizes he was wrong, apologizes, and we work through it. Months later I get, "you know SD is much better now that we do [what Blayze said] Thanks babe." I try not to rub it in then...but if you want change, you're gonna have to fight your man for it...even if it's in his/his kid's best interest.
Yea, the fighting just seems
Yea, the fighting just seems to be useless. Almost like Groundhog Day and nothing changes. It is in the child's best interest to be disciplined because it will only get worse, esp. for her. No friends as of 9 years old and that is not going to lead to any productive relationships either in the future, friends or otherwise. I'm amazed at reading online how many are going through this.
Yea, not sure yet what I'm
Yea, not sure yet what I'm going to do. I have two weeks to figure it out before she gets there again for the weekend
That works too! A lot less
That works too! A lot less stress!
Google "gaslighting" which is
Google "gaslighting" which is a form of emotional abuse. It's when they make you out to be the crazy one for daring to raise issues regarding what's happening in your home and instead of addressing the issues like normal people do, they deny, invalidate and then switch things around to make you out to be the crazy one. Passive aggressive and narcissistic people are soooooo good at gaslighting. I may not be qualified in this area but I sure as hell have a lot of knowledge about it now as I've lived it and thought I was slowly going crazy. Now I know it's not me but DH... And when he projects and deflects his bad behavior onto me, I can see it now and not fall for it. And on top of it all?? While he's screaming at you ( and you instantly feel the need to defend yourself), it means he dosent have to fix things with SD as the focus is on you!
You are 100% correct and have
You are 100% correct and have just described my life with hubby and the SD!
"They make you out to be the crazy one for daring to raise issues regarding what's happening in your home and instead of addressing the issues like normal people do, they deny, invalidate and then switch things around to make you out to be the crazy one. Passive aggressive and narcissistic people..." YOU NAILED IT!