Do these men not realize that by doing these things so that they don't lose their child, they are creating a person no one wants to be around?

I didn't comment on your last post. I strongly encourage you and DH get counseling. Your DH needs to hear from an objective party that he is acting like a weak, weak man. He has already lost any concept of parenting and teaching his son some life lessons (such as empathy, how to cope with disappointment).

I would not be able to sleep with him.

separate your finances now. it looks like you have money to live on yourself. if it gets too much for you, leave. your husband is too involved with his son to see straight. he is creating a spoiled monster.

I get that SS is hurting, really misses his and resents your kids. But that ransom list is just bizarre. And the fact that your husband is agreeing to it all is just hilarious.

Honestly OP, you really need yo brace yourself for a breakup. The way you husband is behaving, if the kid says move back, he may do just that. It looks like your husband isn't going to be happy until his son gives him permission to be happy.

Demands from a kid? :jawdrop: :? :sick: Not just no but No Fuc5ing way in hell. That your DH even considers this makes him a write off as a life partner IMHO. That you support it at all gives me huge reservations about your state of mind. DH needs to put his hand between his legs and grab a big old fist full of man sack and man up. This guy is pathetic.

Someone needs to put this kid over the bench in the woodshed and light his ass up with a belt and keep the heat on his ass until he gains clarity in his pea brain.

This "man" :sick: is far from an equity life partner and it is beyond me why anyone would want him.

IMHO of course.

I stopped reading after the puppy demand.

Run, far away and fast from this d*ckless dh of yours and his sniveling son.

Oh, and take the damn dog with you.

No, you're not off at all.

I get the whole DH not wanting to lose his son, I really do, but this is just too much. And yes, allowing his SS to dictate is beyond insane.

After all that... I'd be eternally repulsed by the sight of him. He's a coward and he has failed you as a husband.

DD needs to block SS on Instagram, his feelings will get hurt but he has no right to "follow" her and make demands from her posts.

Take your kids and go out to eat if DH insists on making the same food 4 nights in a row!

Let DH go stay with his mommy for 2 weekends a month. Let him kowtow to his son, let whatever is going to happen happen and then let DH go. There's no future for you or your children with this man if this is how he's going to behave. If he refuses to get therapy for this situation cut loose weak DH and his dictator son; you and your kids deserve better.

I feel most sorry for the dog

Two things popped up for me

1) You think seeing your husband every night but not on the weekends isn't fair to you; but your step son going from seeing him half the month to seeing him 6 days (3 weekends per your old post) and 1 dinner/week so 6 days and 4 hours is enough. Nice!!

2) Your SS's demands are ludicrous and should not be entertained; that does not mean your DH has been fair. He did give up time with his son for your financial betterment (his raise is only enough for gas and eating out). Your financial betterment doesn't help your SS, so its not as if SS gets anything out of this move. The person/people who benefited were you and your kids. Life isn't fair and SS should learn that but let's not pretend this move has been fair to him.

2A) To reiterate, your SS's demands can't be entertained. They are unreasonable in their own right even if the exact impetus behind them doesn't show your DH in a positive light.

Hi Goldie,

I'm sorry things have gotten so crazy.

Is something else going on with DH? He's not behaing normally. Is he still having problems adjusting to the move?

Unfortunately, as far as counseling goes, if you end up with a kid-centric counselor, this could blow up in your face.

Are there any parenting claasses in your area... I doubt anyone would agree with the way DH is parenting, and it may be a good non confrontational way to address this.

Did DH disagree with your disengaging? He can't do that, lol!

Have you read Harry Potter? Your SS sons like Dudley Dursley. "37 presents? Last year I had 38!"

Clearly SS has DH wrapped around his finger, and that's the point where you have to say "Not my kid, not my problem." I personally watched BM follow every single order SS13 gave her, and she wonders why she can't get any control over him...but the thing about that is he still prefers to live with us. Kids not only NEED boundaries, they desperately WANT them. It keeps them stable. They shake the locked gate to make sure it's still locked. Your DH allowing this to go on, is only opening the gate for him, allowing the instability to flourish, and ultimately, your SS will probably just start refusing visitation. You keep yourself and your kids in line if DH doesn't want your help, don't offer it up. if he seeks your advice, then sure, give him your honest opinion, but if not, there's not a whole lot you can do to fix this.

Can your kids come up with a nickname for your DH? I agree with the others, I would have DD block SS on Insta. That's her profile and she should be able to determine her followers.

I am really glad to hear DH hasn't agreed to all that.

Goldie,
Not to scare you, but I'm noticing a pattern of teenage boys wanting to live with their dads. I'm not sure if it's part of their developmental needs... but it seems to be a trend.

It's important you take back leadership as one of the adults in the household. I'd just keep stating your policies over and over, until they are accepted by everyone else.

I often say: "what happens here, when you're not here, is not your business, learn to focus on your business, it's a great life skill."

I also say "what happens at your mom's is not my business, the woman deserves her privacy, go talk to your dad about it."

"when you start paying for a house, you can start making rules"

These are all directed at SS10, who likes to cause trouble, but I say it to everyone because these are my policies, and this is my home.

Whenever he challenges me, I bring him right back down to reality.

So, I can't help but wonder... Assuming your daughter is a teenager since she's using Facebook and Instagram, shouldn't she have a say over her own social media accounts in regards to "blocking"?

Would you actually inform her not to block SS for the sake of "issues" that may arise between a DH and SS? If so, that is some serious leverage you're making a conscious decision to give SS -- and DH to ensure HE doesn't receive any backlash.

There's no freaking way I would let some brat ruin an innocent, healthy and creative passion/hobby of my own child's.

Why don't you have her start posting pictures of "imaginary meals"? You could really mess with the little ftard's head. }:) }:) }:)

Easier just to block her. I'd block anybody who ordered me not to block them.