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Stepson wants to live with us

amygr2008's picture

Submitted by amygr2008 on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:09pm

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Blended Family Issues

Hi everyone!

Just a bit of history about my family. My fiance and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We both have kids outside of each other, he has a 7 year old and I have a 5 year old, they are both boys. My fiance and I also have a 1-year old daughter together.

My stepson currently lives with his grandma (fiances mom). She has taken care of him since he was 8 months old and sees his grandma as his mother. My fiance was in and out of his son's life in the beginning due to drugs. However, when his son was around 3, he came out of rehab a whole new person. Now, we have his son on the weekends.

His son has stated that he wants to live with us and go to school where we live. Currently, my fiance does not work. We made this decision when I had to go back to maternity leave after giving birth. Day care was too expensive at the time and we had no money saved. However, ultimately - he has to go back to work. Currently, we are struggling with everything as is. We hardly have any money left over and that is just paying the bills we have. If his son comes, I don't know how he is going to have health insurance, school lunches, etc. I'm struggling already having to pay for my own son's lunches ($2.50 daily).

Is it wrong of me to question why he is bringing his son to live with us? If we can hardly afford what we are doing now, why does he think it's okay to bring another child around full-time and they will have to suffer? I have thought about sitting him down and telling him that if he does not go back to work then I do not agree that he can bring his son to live with us. Is this harsh?

Thank you!
A

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:21pm

I have thought about sitting him down and telling him that if he does not go back to work then I do not agree that he can bring his son to live with us. Is this harsh?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not harsh at all. But then your little one will also have to go into daycare right?

amygr2008's picture

Submitted by amygr2008 on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:45pm

Hello!
1. BM is non-existent, she gave up her rights due to drugs
2. Currently, no we do not pay child support since my fiance left his job. We do help when we can, however, we do not pay any child support for his son.
3. Grandma and my fiance have shared custody
4. I make good money, but not as the breadwinner of the family. I have tried for everything already. Unfortunately, I do not qualify!

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:55pm

Wait a minute,

Back in May you posted that you and mom have a fantastic relationship and that mom was very supportive. Now she's a nonexistent druggie :?

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:22pm

Is it wrong of me to question why he is bringing his son to live with us?

Yes.

If we can hardly afford what we are doing now, why does he think it's okay to bring another child around full-time and they will have to suffer?

One might ask, if he couldn't take care of the son he already had, why did he have another kid with you?

He should definitely go back to work and help support his children. Both of them.

Is he wanting to do this soon? He should realize that it may not be able to happen tomorrow, kids need healthcare and school lunches, but if he really wants his son to live with him, he needs to start job searching.

Has he not contributed to the raising of his son in all of this time?

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:38pm

That man needs a job ASAP.

Grandma should not be stuck raising his while he's out making more children that he can't afford to support.

Grandma raised dad. She step in and raised SS when dad was unable to so. It's time for fiance to man up.

Once SS moves in with dad, I hope grandma treats herself to a nice, relaxing vacation. She has definitely earned it.

amygr2008's picture

Submitted by amygr2008 on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 2:46pm

Thank you everyone.

I left out some important details when posing my question. BM is not in the picture, she signed over her rights. Grandma and my fiance have shared custody of stepson. However, stepson has always said he never wanted to live with us, however, now he's 7 and he wants to.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 9:28pm

Can grandma about please get a break????LOL

One of the other 2 is dad's SK. No way grandma should be stuck watching him when the OP doesn't want the SS in her home.

sabrinasmith's picture

Submitted by sabrinasmith on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 8:54pm

I have a ss6 (EOW now), only imagine that he could finish living with us some day (only if BM dies) is the worst feeling I can have.
I feel sorry for you, try to manipulate the situation, making your DH thinks is not the best for the kid.
He should find a job anyway because free time is not good for him and his bad past. He should support his kid with CS, but not living in your home, with your family.
I always let ss6 knows that he is a visit EOW, but he never will be living with us. And he never should ask for that in the future.
If you have some contact with BM, let her know that you will make the child's life a living hell.
I you want to support your DH is ok, but his kid is not in the equation.

sabrinasmith's picture

Submitted by sabrinasmith on Tue, 02/16/2016 - 9:24pm

I'm the kind of person who says what others hide.
Steps are always a problem, if we can get rip of them, who don't do it?
I marry because I love my DH, not his son.

I'm just saying that she should try to get what if better for her. I really think that kids should stay with their mothers, and spend time with the father. Is my very personal view.