BM absolutely refuses to co parent at all!
First of all, I'm new here. I just need a place to vent. I've been with SO for 3 years. We were good friends before dating and actually dated in middle school. BM was pregnant when we began dating. For multiple reasons there relationship didn't work and he ended it but said he would like a DNA test and to go from there. Well in early 2014 every thing was finally done and they had a CO stating they follow our states parenting guidelines. The state's guidelines say the ncp is to have overnights unless the cp can prove they're unfit. At first she refused to follow that. After the first few visits SO showed bm where the co said he.could have overnights. She had claimed she didn't see that anywhere. She let us have dss for the night. After that she started saying overnights were illegal and she would only listen to police officers on the matter. So for the next 3 months she wouldn't let us take DSS without an officer coming out and reading the co and telling her she needed to follow it. Even then she would say "oh well I thought overnight visits were illegal". And then the officer would tell her they're not. And it'd repeat the following week. We still had DSS though for overnights. Then one day she totally refused to let us have him overnight at all. Even after police told her she should follow the co. They went to court and she lied to the judge saying we had never had an overnight before. The judge told her to stop denying visits and put a step up plan for overnights in place. Which she didn't follow. She followed it for the first few weeks then just randomly stopped getting DSS on time and said we could have him overnight. Then she fought the every other weekend PT. Refused to follow it. And now she's already saying she won't let us have dss for certain dates the co says we get him this year. Last year we had DSS every week for 3-4 nights and a couple of tines we did an entire week. SO brought that up when asking if she'd do mediation to make that their regular schedule. She immediately acted like none of that ever happened and said he never had DSS for that amount of time. Now she's trying to deny our every other weekend PT because we don't go to church. We are Christians. We just choose to stay home and so end family time instead of going to church. It is so frustrating!
She isn't his ex wife. And my
She isn't his ex wife. And my step child is apart of my family. I don't speak to bm. In the past she's gotten my number from other people and texted and called me to attempt to instigate. I will admit that at one point I got very frustrated and told her to leave me the eff alone. Other than that I haven't spoken to her really. Dh deals with everything other than the few times she's picked up DSS at a different time than what was agreed upon or ordered and he was at work. She knows his work schedule and will still pick DSS up or drop him off when Dh is not home. At one point she got so bad about it that DSS was only with her from 9pm until 9am 3 days a week. That went on for quite a while and seeing as I was the one caring for DSS when Dh was at work DSS started calling me mommy. Nobody told him to and nobody referred to me as his mom. Everyone called me by my first name and referred to bm as his mom since she is. Bug he was around 10 months. When they went to court bm tried telling the judge that Dh would just go to work in the middle of his PT and leave DSS with me. She slipped up and said she brought him over while he was at work a few times. Basically she wanted to be able to take DSS back during Dh PT if he left for any reason and let me watch DSS. Even if he was napping and Dh was running to the store. So the judge added me to the co and said that while DSS is in Dh care if Dh cannot watch him than I am too.
Follow the court order to the
Follow the court order to the T. If she tries to deny it bring the cops in again. Get a written report each and every time (though I do know in some areas cops do not like to do this) explain them you need written record for court and they should follow along with no issues. After you have 3-4 reports file in court to have the orders enforced. The judge will get very upset at having to straighten her out time after time. You could very well end up being the custodial parents if she continues to ignore the order. Do not let a violation of the parenting plan slip by. If that means you have 3 or 4 show cause cases going at 1 time then so be it. Just let the judge know that is happening each time you are in front of them.
We do file police reports
We do file police reports each time. Unfortunately the police station updated their system and we were told by an officer that they deleted every police report filed from be fire it was updated. So there's now only 2 or 3 reports on file. There were about 100 within the last year. She's been told to follow the co twice by the judge so far. The last time he even had to tell her not to put dv around DSS as her and her bf are very verbally and somewhat physically abusive to each other. He had told Dh to get as much evidence of that as he can and to file for custody. So he's working on that. He's also working on getting a lawyer. Where we live it takes 6 months from the time you file till the time a hearing happens.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm so sorry to hear that. The judge must already have had enough evidence to smack her wrists a time or two already so that's in your favor. While it's a pain in your patooty having witnesses besides the cops ( that are not related to either of you) works almost as well as a police report as evidence. Sounds like you guys are on the right track. It will be a long and frustrating process but she will either change or your DH will reap the rewards when the judge sms is her down.
Wait a minute. Why doesn't
Wait a minute. Why doesn't husband have copies of all of those police reports? The police will give you a copy of their report before they leave the scene.
He called the police 100 times in one year??? :jawdrop: He called the police that many timed, they filled out that many reports, but he's nothing to show a judge. :? Something doesn't sound right here
There is a difference between
There is a difference between filing a police report and filing contempt charges with the court. The police officers may not be doing an official written reports - they are probably just doing some sort of "incident notes" that would be logged on the call in their computer system.
Police documentation is just that - documentation on what happened. Custody cases are civil, not criminal. In order for you DH to get the court to do something he has to actually file with the court.
I find it hard to believe that a police department lost any records with a computer upgrade. There would be hard copies of actual written reports. If there were just "incident notes" they would be on the previous computer system and should have transferred to the new system.
Contact the records department of the police department and talk to them about the reports.
ExDF had to call the police
ExDF had to call the police on BM2 once because she refused to give him the kids. The cops made here hand them over and filled out a report on the spot. Both ex and BM received a copy.
There's no way this guy walked away 100 times with nothing.
Every time bm denied PT we
Every time bm denied PT we called to make a report on it. Every time her bf go violent or made threats of any kind or harassed us we called. Most of those reports are from her bf harassing us constantly. About 70%. Every fathers day visit and birthday visit has been denied or interfered with. Every holiday visit has been interfered with as well. She literally took DSS and had her bf drive them to his families house and she red used to tell us where they were or when he'd be able to get DSS. She was well aware that it was not her PT. She truly believes her wants come before anything. She's already messaged to let my Dh know that she will not be allowing birthday visits this year again. SO is also supposed to get 4 non consecutive weeks. She's already said she won't allow that. She's refused to tell Dh when DSS has doctor appointments. The CO states they both have the right to make appointments but they both have to notify the other parent in a timely manner of any doctor appointments or emergency room visits. She's failed to do that so many times. DSS has been having problems which we believe is the result of being around dv. Her mom's bf yells a lot and has hit bm before while she held DSS. The bf picked up DSS and bm didn't like that so she hit him and grabbed DSS from him and he hit her back. She's left is voicemails letting us know that happened. Then when SO asked if DSS was okay she got mad that he didn't ask about her. So she had her bf leave a message about how we only care about DSS and he explained why he hit her and why it was okay to do. DCS didn't see marks s they didn't do anything. When DSS was 1 he had half his tooth chipped and bm said She knew about it then she back tracked and said she didn't know about it and that they'd say we did it. DCS saw nothing off about that either. Or about DSS having a big burn mark on his foot which bm said was from a coffee pot he picked up and spilled. He was 1. And a big bruise across one side of his face and another on his chin which was from bumping into a was her she said. DCS saw nothing odd about any of that or that her bf has a felony for dv and has admitted to hitting around dss. His felony also involves a child.
Legal advice? He doesn't take
Legal advice? He doesn't take legal advice from his ex. Idk where you got that from what I said. He is taking her to court. Not much else he can do unfortunately. Where we live there's a desperate court house for custody cases and juvenile stuff. They only do custody hearings (including anything that has to do with pt or cs) on Wednesdays. So they're horribly backed up and even though he filed for a hearing in October he still hasn't heard back. Although in the past they've sent his mail to the wrong address because bm has a tendency to tell them we moved when we didn't. She did that because we stayed at my mom's for 2 weeks over the summer to visit. So she went to the courthouse and told them we moved. SO had to go straighten that out.
The cops in our area do not
The cops in our area do not get involved. I suggest you document everything since BM likes to play stupid. I do this. Every little detail. It's time consuming and more than half is pointless on its own but in the larger scheme of things it shows BM for what she is. I log everytime SS4 comes home with bruises or stories about playing with candles, lighters, whatever. I log in summary everytime BM emails,texts,calls DH, I save screenshots of both to a file on my computer. We record her for drop off and pick ups and DH only communicates via email. Anytime she goes out drinking and leaves SS4 with a babysitter, BabyDaddy2 sleeps over with his daughter, other men in the house. It's seems excessive but there's a reason for all of it. When DH first brought BM to court (because she threatened he should serve her before she did him) she lied about so much stuff it was unreal. She was violent with me on two occasions but we had no proof to back it up which is why we record pick ups/drop offs now. She lied and told the judge DH was never responsible or even bothered to go to SS's Dr's appointments. Again it was a lie because DH picked her up and took her with them for his 1yr appointment. But no proof of that either because the text weren't saved. She threatened that DH would never see SS again and "over her dead body" would she allow him to have SS. Yep no screenshot for that either. The only thing that helped that day were some of the pictures I had snapped of BabyDaddy2's table covered full of weed, BM lying under oath about it but our lawyer was really amazing at getting BM to show her true colors on the stand. She was worth every bit of the almost 10k we paid. Too bad she's retired now because we would absolutely use her again. I suggest you document everything and heavily invest in a good lawyer who works regularly with Father's Rights.
The judge takes screenshots
The judge takes screenshots as evidence and voicemail. He's put evidence in about bm denying visits twice I think and has evidence of dv. But not much. He told SO to bring in any voicemail where bm or her bf admits to dv next time. So we are currently getting all that together as well as most recent screen shots.