Lately my spouse and I have fought consistently regarding biological children and none. I have let my feelings completely over whelm me and I feel frustrated, jealous and so insanely emotional that I do not even know who I am anymore. I realized a few weeks ago, I may need professional counseling to help deal with these issues and emotions I am going through. I often wonder how many other women feel this way, good. kind. women.
My spouse and I have been together 5 years. I have two children from a previous marriage, that did not end very well and was very hard on my children and myself. My children are 9 and 7. However my children's father is still actively in our children's life ad tries to help out whenever possible and I am great full for this. My spouse has been a solid, stable man in their life. My children absolutely love my spouse and recently even asked him if they could call him dad. However my spouse had been reunited with his 12 year old son about 10 months ago. The son's mother contacted him by finding him through facebook, and basically said ' hey want to meet your son and have a relationship with him?". My spouse was stunned, but also very excited. They met the following day, and ever since that day our entire lives have changed and even though his life has changed for the better, mine and my children's have completely turned around
History- According to the information I know, My spouse was young when he got together with this women and it was a short fling with no strings attach and she became pregnant and they both agreed on terminating the pregnancy, she contacted him 2 years later (she moved away had the son, and came back) she also wanted to start a relationship with my spouse however my spouse did not want to be with her but told her he would help her but he had no intentions on marrying her (in fact he had a gf at the time that became a serious thing) the bio mom was obviously hurt, and expected more. He had said she was extremely angry, lashed out tried to cause problems between the gf and him and once she was not getting anywhere she moved away after a year and did not tell him, or would not let him have contact with their son as she claimed he was an unfit father.He paid his child support each month. That was never enough either. He never said exactly why he never went to court to fight when the son was younger. Shortly after she met her husband, he became father of the son, by this time he is almost 4 years old and both adults would not let any contact between my spouse and his bio son. When my spouse and I first started dating he showed me some of the emails between them, and I got the impression it was more of a power control from the husband and the mom was doing a lot of blaming. My spouse seeked lawyer advice. I think he always knew his son would come in his life when he was older and the mother had no say. The mother and her husband separated 3 months before she contacted my spouse for help. She needed my spouse to help now. It has become an overly bearing conflict on our relationship. The bio mother was calling all the time for the first few months, about everything. One day she would be super nice to him, kind, friendly, talkative, understanding, and the next time she would be complaining over anything and everything (at one point she did not want me or my kids around her son when he was over visiting) asking for my spouse to pay for everything from child support (400$ a month) to 3 summer camps, sports, clothes, new shoes randomly, dentist bills, hot lunches, snow gear, video game consoles, money for weekend trips. It is a constant struggle between us, financially of course. I do not ask my spouse to pay for my children. I receive child support from my ex husband. However the biological mom thinks my spouse pays for things for my kids and told him he should not be paying for my children because they are not his kids she told him to focus on his own son. I was very offended, and upset about this, as I felt it was none of her business the arrangements my spouse and I make in our home with MY kids. She also did not want my kids around when her son was visiting as she claimed he needs to spend time with his son only she thinks and feels HER son only deserves my spouses love, support, and attention. One time we planned a camping trip with the family, and I invited my nephews for the weekend to spend camping with us. She made a huge deal out of that, and said her son was not going that my spouse should be taking his son by himself and questioned his priorities.We still went on our camping trip as a "family" thankfully. I feel I am slowly being replaced.. I feel jealous of my spouses biological son as they actually share a special natural bond that is glowing now. I feel I am sometimes being pushed to the back burner, and we have talked about our feelings and I feel I am making things more difficult with my insecurities that I am feeling . His parents are very supportive of him and his biological son, they are thrilled as well to have another grand child in their large family. I have fear on how it will effect my kids later on life, if they will notice anything. If my spouse and I do something together one weekend, his family is questioning why his son is not with us doing something, and if we do something with my kids one day, without his son, then my spouse is shamed and feels guilty from the feedback, they think his son has to be with us every weekend and on every family plans we do even if it something spontaneous in the moment.My spouse is feeling A LOT OF pressure from everyone close in his life, from his girlfriend, his mom, his siblings, his son and his sons mom.

For my spouse, having a biological son, something that is his own flesh and blood means a lot to him. He has been solely focused on making his son take after him. He loves sports, his son never played a lot of sports (his mom could not afford it) but as of last fall he started baseball (my spouse is a great ball player) anything that my spouse wants to see him do he puts his son in it. He has done a lot to make sure he has everything he needs. The mother is always calling regarding money for something the son needs, from dentist appointments, to school clothes, to hot lunches, to new shoes, to summer camps, a new bike, My spouse has been so thrilled and excited to actually have a son he can call his own now, that I also often wonder if he ever will ever want another child. This is something we talked about for the past 2 years was, having a baby. This idea is on hold at the moment. I have been more frustrated and angry about this that my emotions run wild. My spouse now wants his biological son to come and live with us in the near future. I felt very angry about this and I told him I did not want this to happen right now, or anytime soon that it was WAY to early. my spouse says his son told him he wants to live with him, and I find it really really hard to completely believe as the son is very close to his mom. He tells her EVERYTHING, even small lies when he goes home, and she gives him everything he wants at their house. My spouse even noted he finds his son "spoiled". I find it all to soon, but of course my spouse and his family think it is a GREAT idea. I feel overwhelmed that all my mixed emotions come out of me from all over. I cannot help it. I secretly cry because I am so worried.