A key to the house - what age.... if at all??
So I changed the doorknobs to our house the other day and as I swapped out the keys on mine and DH's key chains SS asked me if he could have a key to the house. Now he's only 7 and in my opinion doesn't need a key yet, he doesn't ride the bus home to our house or have any other reason he would need one at this age or end up at our house when no-ones home, and frankly he's not responsible enough yet.
However, it raised the question....What age is appropriate and how do you handle that when they are going back and forth from house to house?
Now BM is not as crazy as the other BM's I have read about on here, but she def. has her moments. The first thing that popped in my head was, what if she gets the key and decides to stop by sometime when we aren't home and she's having one of her "moments"? Now I realize I'm being a little dramatic here with this thought, but it crossed my mind.
As for SS, he's 7 right now. We have a great relationship, and I trust him.....but he's only 7. That could change drastically when he becomes a teenager, so I realize if we ever give a key it will depend on how trustworthy he is, etc. But really my main concern as of right now, is how much can I trust BM.
For those of you with teen or adult s-kids, did this situation ever arise and how did you handle it? Also, what are some good guidelines to give if we ever do give him a key?
Our door is coded. SD11 is
Our door is coded. SD11 is not allowed to have a code because I'm afraid her mother would compel her to open the door for her. And she's there 8 days a month, so she really doesn't need it.
DD10 is allowed to have a code. She's there 90% of the time and is responsible.
Only DH and I have keys to
Only DH and I have keys to our house. The skids go through the garage, which has a coded opener.
When it was just me and my kids in my old house, we all had keys. I was working and the kids needed to be able to get in the house after work.
My kids never had a key to their father's house. I used to think it was weird, but I don't feel that way anymore. My kids went in and out of their dad's house via the coded garage door opener, just like my skids.
We have a coded door that
We have a coded door that will alert our cells to let us know when a particular code is used. I change the skids code every visit and text the new one to them before they arrive.
SD12 got at key at 11 when we
SD12 got at key at 11 when we moved to our new house.
She was comfortable being alone and didn't leave doors open or anything (only took two times doing that to incur my wrath because I have two indoor only cats) and is no threat to burn the house down. She just gets home way too early from school for either DP or I to be there.
SD9, almost 10, doesn't have one yet and doesn't need one.
I agree with a "need" rather than the "want" or "should."
There was never a need for my
There was never a need for my SD to have a key, she was never at our house when we weren't home.
7 is to young. We gave the
7 is to young. We gave the kid a key in 6th grade. He would walk too and from school and would be home for about an hour before his mom got home from work.
I have worried about the key
I have worried about the key thing too. So far, it hasn't been an issue because the skids (10 and 12) are never here alone. But...if one of them is going to need to get in the house when we aren't home (there may be some school changes going on that would end up meaning one or both would ride the bus to our house and need to get in) then I guess they need a key at that point. I really don't want them in the house alone, and I hate the idea that it also gives BM an avenue to enter our home and snoop if she were to choose to do that. I would be a rare circumstance where a 7 year old would need a key of their own at all times.
I do plan to give my kids a key when they come to visit, but they are 17 and 19 and will be coming and going when we are at work. Also, my ex is 6+ hours away, so he won't be coming by to snoop.
LOL. Seven is entirely too
LOL. Seven is entirely too young for any kid to have a house key. House keys should be given to older kids and only when they are trustworthy! It ain't their house.
Seems to be a strange request
Seems to be a strange request from a 7 yr old. My 13 and 16 yr olds have keys because they walk to school and sometimes I'm not home when they get back from school or activities. I overhead ss30 say that he has a key to the front door...ugh.
I would only consider giving
I would only consider giving a key to someone living at the property. If they are under 12 they shouldnt be home alone anyway, no matter how mature they are as thats just inviting drama in a step-dynamic.
I cant remember how old I was when I got a key but my half brother is 14 and lost his house key so my BM got a coded key box. Like a mini key safe thats attached to the house, need a code to open it, code can be easily changed and with it remaining at the property it makes it easier if you have multiple extras turning up.
Thanks everyone! I like the
Thanks everyone! I like the idea of giving him the code of the garage, and since he's not tall enough to reach the key pad, I have some time
Like I said, I'm not willing to give him any access at this age because it's not necessary. He goes to an after school program until we are home from work and pick him up, so he's not faced with getting to our house before us.
BM only lives 3 miles from us, and SS has tried to walk to our house before, when pissed off at BM, but DH got in the car and picked him up. Part of me wants him to know he has a safe place to go, since I know BM and her hubby argue a lot. He does not have a cell phone. He's not responsible enough for that. I gave him an old iPod of mine to play with and he misplaces that constantly, so we're certainly not getting him a phone.
Mixed feelings....story of my life.