Tell DH he HE has to resolve the problem, and you will not live in a sexless marriage. Period.

The 15 and 19 year old call him Daddy?! Bahahaha

Your DH has some MAJOR issues. He is either totally asexual or is gay. This is NOT normal at all.

One of my BFFs complained recently that her 84 year old DH wants sex way more than she does - and she still wants an active sex life. Wanting to have sex is normal even at advanced ages.

No sex means that he does not want sex with YOU. Either he is repulsed by you physically, is asexual (rare) or is gay. This has nothing to do with any third parties.

Put a lock on the door , actually lock it and have a go at it . We Couldn't care less if skids can hear us . There's much more underlying issues in your case I assume. It would be a cold day in hell when skids force me to rent a hotel room to have some personal, adult time with DH . Sounds like your DH is simply no longer attracted to you or has medical issues ?

My DH is 79 years young, a Lupus patient; he has had a major heart attack (20 years ago), both knees replaced, on and on. I am 68 years young and healthy. We are both retired. DH has been disabled and unemployed since 1985 (30 yrs.). We have been married 36 years this next month. We have lost my two teen sons in an auto accident and we lost a grandson, at age 30, last summer (my SGS). DH was kicked to the curb to SD's last year for a few months (SD minding our business). We went through all of this, plus, and our "master bedroom" has always been our sanctuary (no motels ever).

I don't know all of your details, but I had to separate it all out, as it occurred over the past 36 years. My teen sons nor my grown skids ever entered our love life. SD tried to break up our marriage (due to jealousy), but she did not manage it and never will. Our sex life has not always been a ring of fire; even though it was for the first 10 years of our marriage.

With all of this said: We have had times in our marriage that sex was on hold. I chalked it up to distraction. I took it slow and gave it all my "super glue". I know that keeping your marriage and sex life alive takes "thought". If you think about good sex, and put all the elements with it, such as keeping yourself up, "I love you" home cooked dinners, several other little things, communication (small talk), hugs, holding DH's hand, on and on. My DH responds to the small things and he is very responsive (sexually) to visual and thought process; yes even now we totally enjoy sex. I work very hard at keeping our sex life "hot", even at our age. My DH shows his appreciation, believe me.

I don't know if these are the answers for you; leave the skids out of this, get rid of the motel, be patient, and relax. It isn't fun to go thru health problems and low sex drive issues. I'm sorry and understand your feelings; but you need to concentrate on you two, nobody else.

Good Luck
(((hugs)))

Sounds like there is something going on with him. Either physical or emotional. Have a talk with him see if he will open up.

Actually, I get where you are coming from. However, in your case it is your dh and his dkids that are enmeshed with each other. Please so not take it as if it is you that has a problem. What you want in a relationship is what every other normal adult wants: intimacy, affection, love, companionship. You also want your emotional needs prioritized over other any other adult except in cases where, for instance, his ds is having a real emergency. Not like in my case, where dh cancelled a night away in a hotel because his ds was upset that the person living in the apartment above him was walking too hard and it was bothering him.

My dh, who is 70 years, and I, my age being 62, finally got to get less than a year ago for a couple of nights in a hotel, a couple hours away, without his ds, 47 years old, calling him every day, beginning first thing in the morning until the evening. Come evening when we were supposed to spending quality time together, dh would sneak his phone in this robe pocket and step into the bathroom. Sometimes he would be in there waiting for a call back that I would be asleep when he came out.

The time before we were finally got to go away without the numerous phone calls, ss called around 7:00 am, when dh and I were being intimate and dh stopped to answer the phone and talk to him. We finally got to the point of being away without the calls because I kept on making an issue out of it. Still, it took 25 years to get away without ss trying to interject himself. Even, when we got a way, dh was on edge as it was also new behavior for him and immediately saw his dh as soon as we got back.

I finally just stopped caring one day, and my need to get away with my dh to have quality time together just ended. I started to take trips by myself. Now, I have truly let go and I can see that dh finally gets it. However, it is to late in the game now and I am resentful that I devoted too many years in this threesome my dh kept on insisting we have. I really resent his ds and I am repelled by my dh.

It is not you that has the problem, if you can learn to disengage from your ss's and maybe even disengage from your dh until you can regain some balance in your life and mind. You might be able to see where the problems really lie. Take some of the money that you have put away to be able to have some intimacy with dh in hotel and stay in the hotel by yourself for some rest & relaxation. You clearly deserve it.

After you last statement, the picture is clearer to me. Your dh has Ed and deals with it by using his kids as a shield. He is hiding behind them. Sadly, he is inhibiting their independence and preventing them from moving into a normal adulthood to protect himself from his own inadequacies. I do not know what you do in a case like that.

My dh used to, or probably still does, have a porn addiction. We have never had sex often. We used to have one computer we shared and I was able to see his history. I was quite bothered by it as I took is as a reflection of me, I was not attractive enough, not slim enough, not beautiful enough. I would ask him what the issue was and he could never tell that he just had a porn addiction, because of whatever. I took it personally for quite a number of years.

Then, I just stopped, and guess what he has ED. It really was quite difficult for him to go see a doctor, much less mouth the words "it does not work." He has tried medication, but tells me he is not able to take them for various reasons, it gives him a headache, he feels dizzy etc. Personally, I think it is too much pressure on him to perform if he admits that the medication is working. I learned to leave him alone about it, as it must feel horrible for a man's ego to not make that muscle to work. We women have it made, we just open our legs.

I learned not to take it personally. Yes, you can love and have a relationship with someone who has Ed. There are so many toys out there that are very effective in pleasing yourself. Your man is hiding behind his ds's. Your ss are, like many of the sks written on this site, loving the attention and are refusing to move forward.

So the issues I see are how to you get your dh to stop using his ds as shields. How to get your ss's out of your home. Once that happens how do you get your dh and ss from continuing to be enmeshed with each other. More importantly, how to get yourself to a point to where you are not blaming yourself for your dh's dis-functional self-treatment for ED.

Please seek counseling, it will help if you have someone objective to talk too. Most communities have counseling available on a sliding fee scale. Verbally talking about your issues really helps because it forces you to process your thinking. Our thoughts are such a jumble that at times it seems we are trying to force 10 cats into one box. With counseling, we are putting one cat at a time into a box. Much, much easier!!

After reading your post and the history of your DH; it is a whole different picture.

I feel bad for you both.

I hope you seek counseling together, which should include the SS situation also.

Good Luck and keep us posted.