NOOOOOOO!

If there are any other children in your house, then say no. My DH wouldn't let SD24 spend 2 nights in our house. He knew she'd never leave, and she would bring drama with her. We have young children, and refused to let them be exposed to her drama.

Ground rule for allowing her to move back in? A timeline and plan to get her back out. Charge her minimal rent to make her responsible, but hold on to it and give it to her as a security deposit for her own place.

Okay, now that I read the whole post, make whatever rules you need to but more importantly, your DH has to agree and back you up. Otherwise, it doesn't matter.

Is she going to go to school, look for a better job or what? Does she have a plan at all?

I get not charging her rent with her making so little but she needs to contribute something and save something, that's just how the real world works.

Has she left him and gone back to him before? That would be a stipulation for me, no contact with him AT ALL.

I hope she can get on the right track. These young girls with these asshole guys, ugh! My SD24 has so little self esteem, she puts up with anything. She obviously didn't learn anything from me these past 19 years (as in, how to be a bitch when need be).

Charge her rent. Make it a percentage of what she earns but she has to pay rent. You can always put it away and give it back to her when she needs money to get her own place.

I'm not saying this to be a bitch, she needs to learn that no one lives for free anywhere. You always have to pay your way even if you make very little. Paying for your own space makes it just that, her space.

Treat her like an adult, not a child. Yes, there should be rules but make sure that the rules are ones that you yourself wouldn't be upset with if your DH put them on you. If you treat her like a child she'll behave like one.

My Aunt's daughter moved back in with her and my Uncle with child in tow when the child was a baby. He is now an adult. They left once, she lost her job and they moved back. I listen to my Aunt complain all of the time. They don't pay rent although she does ask for it. They eat her out of house and home. Her utilities are higher because they are there. The have wrecked two of her cars. My Aunt plays maid to the two of them. When she asks for help they are nowhere to be found. Jewelry and other items have been stolen by the so called friends that they bring home. I could go on for days. My Aunt has a kind heart but she is now retired and these two are putting her in the poor house. I have told her many times that she needs to give them a move out date of her choice but they've simply got to go. They have both started working recently so now is the time to get them moving. In addition to everything else the stress that this situation is causing is having an effect on her health.

This post puts me on high alert... When SD20 lived with us FT with similar story to you ( just without getting married bit but she failed her high school and didn't make any concerted effort to find FT employment, didn't pay rent and treated MY house like a hotel with all facilities supplied) I couldn't take it any longer as DH ( fiancé at the time) would back Her and not me. A territorial thing seems to happen when two grown women are under one roof, who both have a connection to one man ( her father and my fiancé). She seriously continued to expect her father to do everything for her And hated it ( and felt put upon) when my now Dh would do for me ( us around the house). The sense of blood entitlement these daughters of guilty dads feel is palpable. Don't do it at all... Once in she will start staking her claim around the house which changes the dynamics of the living arrangements of everyone living under one roof.

$150 a week?! Sounds like she should work more, she'd have less time to find bad boys and stir up drama. If you do have her move in I'd make her pay a small amt of rent & utilities, do all her own laundry, chores. Buy her own food etc. Just letting her move in and babying her is putting her right back in the child dynamic and she'll only regress.

Make sure you give her a hand up, not a hand out.

I agree with most of the other posters. Treat her like an adult, charge a % for rent and she's responsible for her own upkeep.
As long as she doesn't treat you with disrespect you there's no real reason to not help her out for a while. It's a kind thing you are doing. Having the security of knowing your parent (s) will have your back in desperate times is a nice feeling

If she moves in and doesn't pay rent she should earn her keep by doing ALL the housework, laundry, yard work etc.

An extremely modest rent, food and utility bill would be at least $800 a month. So she should owe you 80 hours of work around the house.

Notasm3 ....your suggestion sounds perfect. If there is enough work expected to be done each day to cover a reasonable rental value, but plenty of limitations set with house rules, she will be wanting to move on .

This is my worst nightmare. My first reaction is hell no.

But, if she is in an abusive situation, I would allow it on a VERY time specific basis, as in 3 months or less. And do what notasm suggests, charge rent and have set household duties. Do not let her settle into a victim's mentality.

Oh Lord. Don't. I lived with SDthen19. Horrible experience. Horrible. She did nothing and was a slob. And daddyyyyy let's her act horrible and rude and is scared witless to ask her to even pick up after himself. We separated and she moved in TWICE! She is back at stb22 and her father told me she would be there another 1-2 years because he's "helping" her. She lived in am apt paid for by her ex fiancé. Got mad at him for telling her that he paid for the place she lived, which was absolutely true. She worked all of 15-20 hours a week. And I have a feeling he was already getting upset as all she brought to the marriage was a guitar and a car payment. Daddyyyy pays for her car and most if her car insurance. Now she is back with daddy again. He pays all the bills and her car payment and most of that insurance. Lmao. She refused to go back to college. She "didn't have the paper she needed" to go back for her third year at a two year school. She flits around working making lattes at a coffe shop. She went full time finally - after Starbucks squeezed her out by cutting her shifts severely. She took off too much after they held a job for her while she went to cult school.

I could go on and on. And on. My divorce was final yesterday. I refused to live with another adult female in my house that did nothing and her father allowed it. Meanwhile, my daughter and I were expected to play maid to all of them.
She challenged my position in the house that one summer she lived with us and I grew to loathe her. I couldn't be around her much before but it grew to intolerable levels at that point. In all fairness, ALL of his kids treated me and my kids like shit. And the dad was just as bad. I could write a book.

Don't do it.

Where is the BM? I would not let her move in. You would be setting yourself up for divorce if you allowed this. Wanting to help because her BM failed is perfectly fine, someone's gotta step up and help this young lady in the right path. It's good she has income. Go check into low cost housing or you could take her down there to the camping place and get her to finance herself a travel trailer at $150.00 a month note, find her a place to park it for around 300.00 a month, perhaps close to her job. Water, power, and garbage is included In Those types of places. Do not get a fifth wheel because you have to have a special truck to pull the thing. I recommend a trailer hitch type. You'll need to have a truck that can pull 5 thousand lbs, I'm sure your husband has a friend that owns a truck like this. The place maybe able to tow it for her. Anyway, about food.. She can quality for food assistance and on her tiny income she could qualify for financial assistance and get a grant free to go to school on and have her further her education. Most of the time people get those grants and they allow extra money to live on. When I was in my early 20's divorced and a 6 month baby. I found an apartment run down but rented a steamer and got a mattress top and fixed it up. It was 495.00 a month and that included power, water and garbage. She could get another female roommate. Just do some searching.. There is a way without her living u under your roof invading your privacy!
If travel trailer seems like a good idea, go looking at them on a rainy day because they leak like sailers if they leaked before. Take her to the used section and inspect everything before purchase.

Deal breaker for me. Don't do it. DH already knows this and he agrees with it. My telling him this when she was 14 was also my way of trying to motivate him to prepare her for life better NOW.

If you must do it, my Number One rule would be Loser Abuser not allowed on this property ever. First time I catch him here I am calling cops and having you both thrown out that minute.

For the rest of it I agree with others make her clean up after and feed herself and make her do some "earn my keep" chores around the house. These are in addition to the regular chores of just being housemates.

I would probably also require she attend some kind of grow the fuck up class like a basic finances and budgeting class from the community college or a don't be a victim empowerment class from a women's shelter or something.

Last rule: end date. In writing.

BTW, I have been preparing my speech in my head for the last 2 years for the day sd16 comes of age. It includes "you treat me and everyone else in this house kindly or you will be shown the door, no questions asked."

What is that 10 hours a week at a minimum wage? How do you find that part time of a job? Surely she can do better.

Also if she is in an abusive relationship aren't there shelters and other domestic violence helper places that would surely help her? Place to stay? Job training, all that? She is of age.. And now has consequences for her adult decision of marrying at age of 17.

Help her get help... Teach her how to fish, don't just feed her.

But I wouldn't let her move in.. All of the other posters make good points about squatters, etc. my brother did that to mom who was helping him.. He was 48 at the time and homeless.. Once you receive mail there.. It's your residence. She had to evict him!

I would let her move in. She's trying to get out of an abusive relationship and she needs all the support she can get.

I went through this with my own daughter. She MUST agree to counseling. That is what saved my daughter's life, I am certain of that, along with having a safe, stable environment. I'm not suggesting it will be easy. Leaving an abuser is a dangerous time for the woman, and she should NOT be on her own. She is probably too emotionally fragile to make good decisions should the boyfriend show up or start stalking her.

But she also has to work or go to school or both, and she had to contribute to the household. These things will give her a sense of accomplishment and help with her healing.

And you need to have high expectations for her behavior around the house. She helps, she is respectful, she cleans up after herself. And when she doesn't, it needs to be addressed immediately. No wimpy-assed DH's ignoring it.