Priorities.

Assuming that she's telling the truth and not that she "can't afford it" because she wants to see if she can get someone else to foot the bill.... You may not be accounting for food properly. You have the kids for roughly 16 meals a month? She has them then for about 74. So I'm not sure how you accounted for that extra cost, particularly if they're bottomless pits as children so often are. There's also the Kind of food she buys - organic or junk, beans and rice vs sirloin.... A lot of people have an incredibly high food bill because of how they shop and cook.

I don't know how the kids are behavior wise, but there can be a major disparity between households in energy consumption as well - how high or low a thermostat is set, do the kids leave all the lights on all the time, windows open while a/c is running, etc. or does her husband.

The priorities comment, I believe, was directed at what does BM think is important. Does she "not have the money" for sports of instruments or whatever because they "need" 3 sport/movie packages on their cable? Or because she has a car payment on a brand new car? Or because she feels a luxury vacation is a necessity? Or perhaps designer labels.... Some people think certain items or experiences or services are needs and those thoughts vary wildly.

The only thing I can think may not have been added in is medical type stuff - who has to carry insurance, what's the split on paying medical bills, glasses, orthodontics, etc. maybe gas for carting kids around to practice?

I live and teach in NYC.

There's no way in hell she's eligible for medicaid and free lunch. First of all, they request total household income. Based solely on her income, she isn't eligible. Toss in her husband's income and she should be slapped for even applying.

This chick makes $22 an hour from one job, has a second job AND receives $800 a month in CS. She isn't eligible for the stuff she's getting. They look at gross income not net.

BM is milking the system and grandma. Dad is milking you. They are two peas in a pod.

I'm going to try to get my hands on a lunch form when I get work. I have to see what the income guidelines are for a family of 4.

Because her husband isn't working, he is contributing nothing. So in essence her paycheck goes to take care of 4 people. And I will tell you that kids are expensive. It gets you in many ways you can't imagine. More money for water, laundry detergent, toiletries, household goods, electricity, entertainment, hair cuts, Etc etc etc.

I would actually look at her husband not having a job and babysitting your dh's daughters a blessing, because trust me, your dh would be responsible for daycare expenses, at least half if not all, on TOP of child support. Her husband, just like you, is not actually responsible to take any responsibility for his skids. My guess is that it is not by choice that he is so generous, but because he has his sugar mama financially supporting him. But like I said, that actually benefits you.

Your dh is responsible for child support, and thank goodness not childcare on top of that. If your husband choose to buy your skids anything beyond what is court ordered because she says she can't afford it, then that is generous on your part. But unfortunately you will never get a thank you from bm or the skids. If you decide to supplement your household because your husband can't afford to help out with bills, then that is very nice of you to do, and hopefully he is grateful. If it makes you resent him, then don't.

No one likes spending money on anything they don't need to. If she can get extras out of you, she will. If you let her, then that is what you choose to do.

As a grandmother, I can tell you that I buy lots of winter coats, boots, clothing blah blah. Do I have to? Nope. Do grandkids parents ask and/or expect me to? Nope. I do it because I want to. I do it cause I might have saw this or that while out shopping and thought 'oh, grandkids should have this, its so them'. Hell, I do it cause I can't take my money with me when I die.

I too question the Medicaid qualifications but even with that program, many things would not be covered. Medicaid does not cover certain items or has limits. Viewing the NY free and reduced lunch program online the income you gave would be a stretched maybe for reduced price lunches. I found it almost comical how you figured out meal cost. What mother really doesn't provide food in her for both kids even if one is iffy on whether or not he/she wants to eat breakfast? And then there is snacks. I doubt a growing kid goes solely on a school lunch and a single plate of dinner.

Houses aren't comparable by small/big. Interest rates available for the purchase will vary if nothing else. Very basic example of certain cost would be like my water bill. It dropped in half when my son moved out. Who'd of thought one kid could use so much water! I think it's pretty reasonable to think two adults living the majority of the month alone are going to have different utility bills than a family of four with two kids.

The BM just did the school enroll and supply cost also I imagine? Extra activities such as gymnastics is not a mandatory expense any parent is required to support whether they can afford it or just choose not to. Your BM's household just went from a two income household to one member with a job and one member trying to be established disabled. Who's to say what kids of expenses BM's husband may have? His personal debt didn't end when he became unable to work.

I guess the bottom line is, does any of this really matter. Your husband s required to ay child support set by your set law/guidelines regardless of what and how BM does in managing her household budget. He is not required to hand over additional cash if BM doesn't budget well. If Dad and you choose to give additional that's on him and you.