the lies that bind
I am getting really tired of the lying and untruths and it all centers around his 20 year old son. When we met and starting dating I told him that I can accept the truth but I will not tolerate lying. My ex-husband would lie about everything, big and small, and I refuse to be with a liar.
Now I am remarried, and DH lies about things to do with his son. Mostly about money, and his son borrowing it, and him not paying it back. But I have had a hard time with lies, I don’t’ care what it is about, or why you think you are justified in your lies, or saying I made you lie t is disrespectful to the relationship. Or worse yet blaming me for “making” him lie.
I know he would not be happy if I did the same to him.
I guess I will have to do the same back as Threestrike’s post “Turning the tables: DH and his precious adult skids” suggests, or alternatively I will get fed up and call it quits.
'MAKING' him lie? I call
'MAKING' him lie? I call B.S. on that one! Ask for specifics: Just HOW are you making him lie? One of the main components of a marriage is trust. This is a time to separate finances so none of your money is going to his son. Have a joint account for living expenses only. Then he won't have to lie to you about giving his son money. If he lies about other things, that's the time to give him an ultimatum to stop or you will be seeing a lawyer.
I did ask him how I can
I did ask him how I can possibly make him lie, and he just got mad defensive and shut down the conversation. Way before we were engaged we talked about things that were important to both of us and one was being partners in every sense including joint finances. My first husband hid money, hid debts and lied about everything. Financial disclosure and working together for financial goals was and still is important to me.
When me and DH got married last year he did not disclose his $30k debt that he had accumulated, last I knew his debt was $10K.That was rather upsetting to me, especially since I came in with no debt, savings and was able to purchase 87% of the house cash. He is not good with money at all, if we were to seperate finances he would be in am even bigger hole of debt, not save enough through his small RRSP contributions and then because we are married i would have to support the both of us on my savings during retirement or if we ever got divorced I would be responsible for half the debt that he racked up.
Last my MIL took us out for dinner for our 1st Wedding Anniversary and invited her grandson (skid20) to join us (of course skid never wished us a Happy Anniversary). Skid20 was going on about how he wants to go to Vegas for his 21st b-day and was almost hinting to daddy that to buy it for him the trip for his b-day in November. If DH buys him that for his b-day I will come totally unglued (especially since we are living on a budget to get DH's debt paid off) and it could mean the end.
My exh lied constantly as
My exh lied constantly as well. Well, he still does, but I don't have to deal with it daily. And I said the same thing to my (no longer)bf. I remember one time my bf was telling me how he had no money. I was doing an expensive and delicious crock pot meal and brought a bunch over to him and his son because I wanted to make sure they had food. When I got there, he flashed a bunch of cash in his wallet to me. He had just gone to the bank and withdrawn some money. (??) He admitted later that he "leads people to believe" that he has no money/is broke. He had no cash, but he had money in his savings account. Soooo glad I'm not stuck with him. I'm sorry you're dealing with it, I know it sucks!
Threestrikes is right. What
Threestrikes is right. What you brought into the marriage is yours - even if it was used to purchase the house. I got the house from my first marriage because of this. The 30,000 debt is also his - you are not responsible for it.
When the house was purchased
When the house was purchased it was put in to title as me 87% owner and him 13% which was a few months before we married and I can show where my cash for my portion came from through all my financial records. . I made sure I kept financial records (and snapshots of all my accounts) for all my assets right before marriage and after finding out his debt, I made a set of financial records showing his debt and how it was accumulated before marriage.
I made sure I have copies of it all on both sides.
Need to make sure I am covered off.
My first husband lied about
My first husband lied about anything and everything. My world had become completely twisted due to the lies that I was not aware of were all lies. When we divorced it was like coming out of a cult as I had felt so brainwashed by this man. Once divorced then the blame game began. Something I never in my life wanted to be a part of again so I understand your position.
It is very important that you and your husband get on the same page when it comes to making decisions concerning the step family. If your husband feels he can just do whatever without mentioning anything to you because this is his son it is going to cause issues between you. Just let him know how important this is to you and ask him to please respect you by making thee decisions together.
My first husband lied about
My first husband lied about anything and everything. My world had become completely twisted due to the lies that I was not aware of were all lies. When we divorced it was like coming out of a cult as I had felt so brainwashed by this man. Once divorced then the blame game began. Something I never in my life wanted to be a part of again so I understand your position.
It is very important that you and your husband get on the same page when it comes to making decisions concerning the step family. If your husband feels he can just do whatever without mentioning anything to you because this is his son it is going to cause issues between you. Just let him know how important this is to you and ask him to please respect you by making thee decisions together.