Should orphaned skids stay with stepparents

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I've been following a case the last few weeks. An Irish man living in the US was murdered in his own home. He was here in the US, working and had brought his kids and second wife with him. His first wife died in '06 from an asthma attack, when the kids were 2 and 1 month old. He married the nanny and they moved here, where she's from. He and the kids made regular trips back to Ireland to see both sets of grandparents and extended family. He also planned to move back there when the kids got a bit older.

The wife and FIL are persons of interest in his death as they were the only two, apart from the children, who were in the house at the time, and it was 2am in the morning. And the FIL confessed to hitting him over the head with a baseball bat, but he's former FBI and her brother and uncle are current FBI.

In his will, he stated he wanted his sister and her husband to raise the kids if anything were to happen to him. He even rejected his wife's request to adopt the children (now 8 and 10). She contacted a divorce lawyer a couple of years ago and asked about custody of the children if she and the husband were to divorce. But nothing came from that.

After his death, she refused her husbands family access to the children. She even hung up the phone on her husbands brother when one of the kids called him. And when they came to the US to bring his body and the kids back to Ireland, she fought them for custody. But she lost and the kids returned to Ireland. However, she's appealing the decision and wants custody of the children.

Do you think she should get custody? What about in general? Should a stepparent get custody or the biological family?

Personally, I feel the right decision was reached in allowing the children to go home with their aunt and her husband.

Do you think she should get

Do you think she should get custody? No, if the biological's parents wish was the children be with blood relations, she should not.
What about in general? That is a very personal decision and should be the biological parents.
Should a stepparent get custody or the biological family? My daughters go to my SO and not my family. They do however have 2 other guardians also not my family.

If it had been a sad event,

If it had been a sad event, and it was the father's wishes, I might agree, but it sounds like there was foul play here anyway. Step-parents have no legal rights to their step-children. We're going to be dealing with this shortly. DH is very ill, so I have to step-up my parenting of SS13. BM wants him back with her while he's sick (which I'd be more than happy to oblige) except SS13 refuses to go with her, and considering they've agreed to calling eachother on the phone once a day through mediation with his therapist (something he's only done a few times, she's never called him) it's probably in his best interests to stay here with his sick dad and wicked ol'step-mother. I'm sure this will go back before a judge, but at least we can be in the position of "This is SS and BM's fight. Just tell me what to do, we're busy with other things right now."

If it had been a sad event,

My thoughts go out to you.

My thoughts go out to you. Sounds like you are having a tough time.

Ever see "The Hand that Rocks

Ever see "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle"? Rebecca De Mornay stole the mom's inhaler!! WHOA!!

The dad only hired the nanny

The dad only hired the nanny after the BM's death.

The dad in this case seems to

The dad in this case seems to have been very clear about his wishes for the kids.

- His will stated that he wanted the legal guardians to be the aunt and uncle
- He repeatedly refused permission for the SM to adopt
- He was applying for green cards for the kids rather than let them get US citizenship via adoption. This is a much more difficult process.
- SM was consulting lawyers about how she could keep them without adopting in the event of a divorce

This isn't a case of the birth family swopping in from nowhere. The biodad seems to have 100% about who he wanted the look after them in the event something happened to him.

Saying all that, I'm sure it has been traumatising for the poor kids.

I agree. There's been a lot

I agree.

There's been a lot going on and a lot of accusations have been thrown around. But from the beginning, I thought it would be better for them to be with his and their moms family back in Ireland.

I think if there are

I think if there are half-siblings involved, it could make sense for the skids to stay with a step-parent, especially if there are no real viable family alternatives. Famously Bob Geldof adopted Tiger Lily after both her parents died (His ex-wife Paula had a child with Michael Hutchence, then both of them died).

Honestly, if something

Honestly, if something happened and my SS had no more Bio parents I think my in-laws would fight BM's family for me to have SS. However, I would want him to be able to see BM's family. I don't know if BM's family would fight for SS (no one is extremely stable). If BM's family got SS then SS would never seen anyone on his Dad's side.

They didn't benefit via SM

They didn't benefit via SM for a visa. Their dad got one via his company. He worked for a multinational and asked for a transfer. He repeatedly turned down the SM's offers to get the kids citizenship through adoption

I think it varies from case

I think it varies from case to case. In this instance, he clearly didn't want her to have custody (for what sounds like good reason, if she is a suspect in his death). In my case, I think it would be only natural. In fact, even if BM were still alive, I would likely hire and attorney and fight for custody. I have raised SS, and BM is an idiot.

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Should orphaned skids stay with stepparents