Unaccepted By Husband's In-Laws
My husband and I were married earlier this year and are expecting our first child together in November. He has a 9 year old son from his previous marriage. My family is so excited and have welcomed my husband with open arms. In sharp contrast, my husband's family does not invite me to family gatherings. This has happened four times this summer, including tonight. My husband goes to these family gatherings with his son and oftentimes, his ex-wife is there too. This makes me feel so lonely and sad. I am also starting to resent my husband for not standing up to his family. Just as some background information, I met my husband 3 years after his divorce was final. I had absolutely nothing to do with the collapse of his previous marriage. I am not sure how to handle this situation. Any advice is appreciated.
If they invite your DH they
If they invite your DH they invite you. Go, to all of the IL family events. Be on DH's arm. Be radiant, look amazing, beam your happiness. That will make the XW extremely uncomfortable and eventually she will realize that she is no longer part of your IL family.
Do not let the ILs or BM diminish your place at your DH's side. Ever, for any reason. Let them be the ones to be uncomfortable with your constant, confident, and radiant presence whenever DH is with them. If he is with them, you are with them. Period.
Enjoy your life and do not let BM or the ILs steal your bliss. Once your baby arrives you will quickly end BM's stature if she continues the classless attendance at her XH's family events.
My parents have never specifically invited my bride of 21+ years to any family event. Heck, they never invite me or my brother and his family either. It is a non spoken no brainer that she and I have a standing invitation to my parents home and any Rags' clan events. The same is the case with my wife's family. We are never specifically invited. There is always a standing invitation to visit and attend any of my IL family's functions. It is likely the same with your ILs.
Quit over complicating this and just engage.
All of these family
All of these family gatherings have taken place at my sitter in law's home. She has asked my husband not to bring me because she doesn't want his ex-wife, whom she is close with, to be uncomfortable.
And he listened to her and
And he listened to her and left you home alone. Tell him if it happens again don't bother to come back, he can move in with his sister. Think about after you had your baby and that sil said bring the baby but not you because she doesn't want BM feel uncomfortable again? Will you let him take your baby over there without you?
A.
This is, as we see so often
This is, as we see so often here, not about your SIL but about your DH.
He needs to tell his sister that you are his wife and as such will be included or he won't be there. And if it's during the time when SS is with him, neither will his son be there. Make sure he understands just how left out and neglected it makes you feel, and be prepared for him to blame it all on hormones.
If he's unwilling or unable to agree to that then you need to figure out how you are going to deal with that.
You can't and won't change him or SIL. You will just come across as angry and nagging.
If SIL wants to continue a relationship with the exW that's fine. My Mom was friends with her SILs but she never rubbed it in my Dads face. SIL will just have to have a relationship with her outside of family gatherings. However, you can't explain that to her, DH has to do it.
I really hope they can all be grown ups.
Your in laws suck like mine
Your in laws suck like mine do, except my DH doesn't go when I'm not invited. MIL and FIL can't see the skid (and ex-skid) through DH anymore since the kid's completely alienated from him, so they've started sucking up to BM and doing whatever she says to see the kids.
They just suck. They're BM's puppets. Some people can't let go and accept the divorce.
I don't have a SIL unless you
I don't have a SIL unless you count my husband's brother! My MIL has never accepted me or our youngest son. She did accept our oldest son, but when Pwecious Pwincess PP had her mental breakdown (bipolar as f*ck), PPP was the only kid in our home.
I am 40, and I just don't give a sh*t. My MIL is as dead to me as my FIL truly is. She is not welcome in my home after 2 visits where she doted on PPP and stated that my 2 sons were "annoying and needed to leave."
MIL has hubby's little brother, who is 45 and still clinging to her apronstrings. Oh, the crap I could post about that little whiny biatch.
Screw the inlaws. Be happy with your pregnancy, have a beautiful, healthy child and totally enjoy him or her!!!
Time to take a firm stand for
Time to take a firm stand for yourself with your husband. It is time your husband to support YOU. Ugh, I do no get why men think this is acceptable, mine was the same.....anything his family did or said was fine. He cannot change his family and he cannot make them accept you but what he can say is, "sis, we will come visit when my wife and I can come together. We are a couple now. I understand you are friends with my ex and I am fine with that but excluding my wife because of your friendship with her is something I do not find acceptable." It's very simple but so many men do not want to endanger their status with their families for the sake of making themselves look unfavorable in their family's eye. Unfortunately, what these men are is weak and it causes the new wife lot of hurt!