SD 18 now taking over my old place on the family couch
This is going to sound silly probably, but for some reason this feels disrespectful and like a powerplay from BFs 18 year old daughter. For the last few years in my BFs rental house, my BF and I always sat in the same spot at the end of his large sectional to eat dinner and watch movies. His kids always sat on the opposite side of the L shaped sectional. Half the time his kids are on their Ipods anyways. To me, the adults should have the "best seats" so to speak out of respect. Plus my old eyes need to have straight line to the TV. Now my BF just bought a house and the last 2 times I was there his daughter has taken over what has been "my spot" for years. I was out of sorts and very uncomfortable sitting on the the other side of by BF with his other two kids, like she was now declaring she was taking over my "spot". I actually felt quite put out. It felt like a subtle powerplay by his teen daughter trying to be "woman of the house". It just felt so strange that she would do this all of the sudden after moving to a new house. How do I tell my BF (without sounding crazy), I would like go back to sitting in my usual spot where I am most comfortable, like we have had for the last several years and I am uncomfortable with his daughter taking over "my spot"? I don't feel children should dictate where people sit, rather the grownups should. By the way, when at the old house, he would tell a kid our usual spot to "move over" but for some reason he did not do this in the new house.
Then you do it. I've told
Then you do it. I've told kids to move or go find another spot if that is where I usually sit or just even want to sit. You're the adult.
He may not notice, guys tend to overlook things. So speak up and see what happens especially if he's been good about enforcing it in the prior house and in the past.
thank you for making me feel
thank you for making me feel I am not crazy after all-LOL. My concern is if I say it, of course if it comes from ME and not HIM, I will be then labeled as mean by the kids and WWIII will start. We all get along fine usually, but if his daughter smarts off back to me (so far she has not ever done that), I'm afraid I will lose my temper. It's that age old issue of something coming from me will make me the evil stepmother.
I agree. I would say
I agree. I would say something like "oh, I was sitting there. Or-That's my spot. I have to have direct visual line to the tv. Thank you for moving ". And don't wait any longer. You want to nip this in the bud.
You are not being petty. Adults should have top choice. I felt like this when SS, 19 at the time called shotgun and DH didn't say anything. I was in the backseat of my car. Later, I mentioned it to DH, he said he preferred me in the front seat (good response DH) Next time, I just went to my door and waited on DH to open the door.
Thank you-yes, I felt it best
Thank you-yes, I felt it best to get straight now too. I think I'm nervous about anticipating his daughter resisting and I know that could make me upset and I'm afraid I would not handle it well if I become angry. I would prefer my BF make it clear, as coming from him she would accept it, maybe not so much from me.
Can you talk to him about it
Can you talk to him about it before the next visit? Another idea is to put it on him, like "oh, don't you want to sit with me " while patting the spot next to you. Or "can you see ok, I can't see the tv at this angle. I can only see well in my usual spot " (only if you are sure he'll say something to the effect of go sit where you normally do ).
Yes that's a great idea, I
Yes that's a great idea, I will talk to him before my next visit to nip this in the bud. You have great suggestions. thank you very much.
I am sure this isn't a little
I am sure this isn't a little oversight by your SD. She knows what she is doing and is probably loving the fact it is irritating you. Since it is a new house I think she is trying to assert her dominance. She is at an age when she should be thinking about her own place and seems to be trying to make yours hers instead. I agree with the above comment that you need to nip this in the bud NOW or she will find something else to test since she feels like she has won this battle (and she HAS won everytime she steals your seat). My SS and I can't stand each other. The re-finished basement used to be my sanctuary. One day out of the blue, SS is down there, hogging the TV and making the space his. My husband never supports me and I didn't nip it in the bud, so basically now the kid lives down there for the 50% of the time he is with us. Then in the other 50%, the idea that he has been down there with his stinky body drapped on my couches and his zitty face all over my pillows (and I shudder to think what else happens down there) makes me so creeped out that I don't even like the room anymore. I hope you have a better DH than I do because mine just gets snippy and defensive whenever I remotely indicate that adults should have more say in the house than the kids. He thinks that unless his kid rules the house and has first dibs on all things that he is being abused and will feel unloved and then daddy won't be the favorite parent anymore. But enough about me....it is your house, your spot on the sofa, your husband, and I assume your money that pays the bills that keep her warm and fed. Probably best not to let her know it is a big deal or she will feel more power. I would start by casually saying (as if you hardly care) when DH is in the room and listening..."oh, hey SD, I really can't see well unless I sit in that seat." Then see if she moves on her own. If she is directly told that you can't see and she sits there anyway, then she is being a selfish little brat and hopefully her dad will step in more sternly. If that doesn't work, when DH is in the room and SD is in your seat, walk in, look really sad to see her in your seat and say..."well, I guess I will be in the other room reading since I can't see the TV unless I sit there." As you walk away, DH will hopefully tell SD to move her ass if she isn't guilted into it herself. Or you could go for the big and bold strategy and sternly yell "get your fat butt out of my seat!" Likely though that would just fuel her power trip and things would get really nasty. Good luck. Defend what is yours sister! Don't end up like me
Thank you-I like your
Thank you-I like your suggestion of what I could say. I don't live with them yet, but am planning to in a few months and I do a lot of stuff for his kids. As far as I know she is not aware of my feelings. I'm trying to find a way to get my BF to be the one to tell her - since I don't live there I'm trying to tread carefully and make sure he is willing to handle this so I have less headaches to deal with
My dad used to sit on us if
My dad used to sit on us if we were in his spot on the couch. Lol, it always worked.
You don't live there? Solve
You don't live there? Solve this problem easily. Next time she takes you spot...stand there and wait, don't say anything. If it is not corrected in a few minutes, walk out the door. Go out to the mall or something... don't go home, don't answer the phone. When you talk to him the next day act shocked and dismayed. I felt unwelcome since SD was in my spot and you didn't correct her. I figured you needed time alone with your kids, so I left. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Make it clear you won't stand for it NOW, before you move in.