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hes finally divorcing me

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 2:22am

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after all the h&ll over the skid in almost twenty years dh is divorcing me.

never mind that he never protected me from the skids insults and threats of bodily harm. never mind that he orders me around and throws things when he is mad. never mind he hit holes in the walls when he is angry with me.

dh is going off the deep end. his parents are old and dying and he cant cometo grips with it. his skids are growing up with families of their own. he has no further use for me.

answer: kick her to the kerb.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 2:32am

Get the names of at least 5 good divorce attorneys and start making appointments. Most will give you an initial consult for free. Hire the one you like the best and start protecting yourself. You were in a long term marriage so there will lots of decisions to be made about property and money and possibly alimony. Be proactive and start looking out for yourself now.

dood's picture

Submitted by dood on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 6:41am

So sorry, Sugar... I can only imagine how you are feeling and what must be going through your mind. Take time for you and try to hang tough... Hugs to you!

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 9:46am

I am so sorry. I think you need to take photos of HOLES IN THE WALLS...to remind yourself...THIS IS WAY BEYOND NORMAL. Take care of yourself...take the advise of the others. I would tell the attorney about the holes in the walls. That is scary.

HUGS AND PRAYERS!

Amber Miller's picture

Submitted by Amber Miller on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 11:30am

I'm so sorry for you. You probably feel like you've been through a war. You hung in there for a long time all to be left in the end. If your husband is violent, it will only escalate. My exH was violent towards me in front of our boys. They were little but they still remember it. He through a vacuum cleaner down a flight of stairs at me, he threw a hot pan full of hot rice across the room at me and beat me up twice. The second time he beat me I left with the kids and never turned back. I had him arrested for domestic violence and he spent a week in jail. He was also emotionally abusive and was later diagnosed as BPD when he was married to his second wife.
Despite all the abuse and pain, I was sad when I left. It was the loss of a dream; I lost the dream of having a family but I knew I had to get my kids and myself out of there. It was hard to go through with it but it was the best thing I could've ever don't for all of us; exH included.
I promise you that it will get easier as time is what will heal your soul.
Find a hobby, hang out with friends. Embrace each day as a fresh start. Focus on how happy you will be when you're away from him and his dysfunction. Find a good therapist. Stay strong and don't look back. You can do this. You now have the rest of your life to enjoy and rediscover yourself. I signed up for ballroom dance classes and I had so much fun. I made new friends and it was fun to learn something new.
When I found myself again I was so happy. I felt like I would rather be alone than spend my life with him being miserable. My self esteem came back and I met a wonderful man who treats me with love and respect.
I think the same could happen to you.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 2:23pm

thank you all for the kind comments. one must go through the pain, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. dh is a scary godless man fearful of the death of his parents which he cannot control. he is a control freak first and foremost. moreover, i now see why he played me against his skids. he loved the attention and loved to see me fighting with the skids over his time. when the sds were younger, they actually saw their father like a boyfriend, begging for trips in the ragtop care and lunch dates.

i am already looking into my options.

i know its better down the road but its rocky now.

thank you all again.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Mon, 07/06/2015 - 10:05pm

I'm sorry you're going through this - it's devastating and hard to deal with. However! There IS light at the end of the tunnel!! Look at it this way..

No more holes in walls
No more moodiness and tension
No more out of control skids to deal with
No more psychotic madness and turmoil

Look forward to all the peace and happiness comin' your way! Take comfort in the fact that soon, you will be your own boss! Free to do whatever you choose, whenver you choose..the freedom to take off at any given time and spend a weekend exploring everything and anything!

Love YOU! Focus all your attenion on YOU and don't give that wanker another thought!