DH and I got married two and a half years ago. We both have one child each. I have my DS10 and he has SD13. DH and BM divorced when SD was 1. BM remarried when SD was 8. BM and SF weren't together very long before marrying, but SD accepted him and his two kids from a previous marriage. DH and I started dating around the time BM got remarried. We dated for a couple of years before moving in together and then it was another year before we got married. DS took to everything extremely well, better than I expected, to be honest. SD...Not so much.
She's always pointing out how she prefers living with BM and SF. She has told her dad we're not a family, but she, BM, SF and the kids in that house are. She's told him she prefers her stepsiblings in the other house to DS. She's even rubbed it in DSs face that she and her other stepsiblings play together all the time when she's at the house. She even passes our house with them sometimes and has even stopped outside our house until DS would see her. I've often gone outside and told her to keep moving. She'll smirk at me and then walk off, holding her stepsis' hand. DH has confessed that he doesn't know why she's so good to those kids and not to my DS. He had a conversation with BM about it before and she told him she wasn't going to do anything about it, since it's not her problem.
What gets to me is SD will push me and push me. She's called my DS all sorts of names in front of me. DH has told her to stop, taken away her cell phone and electronic privileges and has grounded her while she's at our house. But none of it has made any difference. He's also asked her straight out what she hates about our house so much and what he can do to make her like it here. She's told him if he divorces me she'll be happier with him. When he told her that wasn't an option, she shrugged and said then she'd never be happy with him.
So we have her this week. It's been a loooooong week. DS had a friend over yesterday for a sleepover and she was telling the kid about how much she doesn't like DS. Then she was talking about how she was taking her other stepsiblings swimming next week. DS and his friend left the room and I told her to leave them alone, but she told me she doesn't have to do what I say. I took the boys out for ice cream and when we got back DH was home. They were arguing because SD refused to hand over her cell phone. She said "You can't take my phone. My mom pays for this phone!" He forced it out of her hand and said while she was in our house, she would follow our rules and she wasn't getting the phone back. She started trying to pick a fight with me. She called me names, called my DS names and finally DH grabbed her arm and dragged her upstairs. I didn't see her for the rest of the night. But today she's been snarling at DS, cursing at him and even tried to push him over. I stopped her before she could do it. But I swear, I would have lost it with her completely if she'd succeeded.
DH is seriously considering letting her stay with BM. He loves his daughter and wants to be a good dad to her, but she's not open to it at all and is doing her very best to hurt in. I'm so close to the edge when it comes to her. I'm doing my best, but I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.
Pack her off to BM and let her handle her. At 13, she is old enough to know exactly what she's doing and that is unacceptable. The fact that BM allows her to act like, means SD's attitude will never change. In fact it will probably worsen. You need BM's support to teach her kid respect.
Since SD has happily accepted BM's new family and loves spending time with them - she may as well remain with them.
It won't do your relationship with your DH or your Son to have such a toxic, bullying, disrespectful brat in your home. Let her go and let her know that when her attitude changes, and she learns respect, then she would be allowed back. However, I would also make damn sure BM is willing to assist in teaching her to be considerate and respectful, before she steps foot back in my home.
Next time she comes around, hit record on your phone and have a polite/adult/sweet conversation with her Do that few times. And send that to everyone and tell the bm if she doesn't control her daughter then the record will go to school and she will be on school counselor will be label as trouble kid because she obviously needed help and her bm n dad can't do anything to stop it
It sounds like dh is standing by you and addressing this appropriately in good effort and I can certainly respect that. I think the kid should go to BM. Your little one should not have to suffer. You have to think about DS as he is your priority always. Of course you are always willing to and happy to make it work as long as everyone will be respectful to one another. As long as BM is a fit mother, maybe she should stay there for a while and dad could pick her up for one on ones only so she can get the special attention she needs and as their relationship strengthens then he can re-introduce the family. Maybe that could work.
DH and I got married two and
DH and I got married two and a half years ago. We both have one child each. I have my DS10 and he has SD13. DH and BM divorced when SD was 1. BM remarried when SD was 8. BM and SF weren't together very long before marrying, but SD accepted him and his two kids from a previous marriage. DH and I started dating around the time BM got remarried. We dated for a couple of years before moving in together and then it was another year before we got married. DS took to everything extremely well, better than I expected, to be honest. SD...Not so much.
She's always pointing out how she prefers living with BM and SF. She has told her dad we're not a family, but she, BM, SF and the kids in that house are. She's told him she prefers her stepsiblings in the other house to DS. She's even rubbed it in DSs face that she and her other stepsiblings play together all the time when she's at the house. She even passes our house with them sometimes and has even stopped outside our house until DS would see her. I've often gone outside and told her to keep moving. She'll smirk at me and then walk off, holding her stepsis' hand. DH has confessed that he doesn't know why she's so good to those kids and not to my DS. He had a conversation with BM about it before and she told him she wasn't going to do anything about it, since it's not her problem.
What gets to me is SD will push me and push me. She's called my DS all sorts of names in front of me. DH has told her to stop, taken away her cell phone and electronic privileges and has grounded her while she's at our house. But none of it has made any difference. He's also asked her straight out what she hates about our house so much and what he can do to make her like it here. She's told him if he divorces me she'll be happier with him. When he told her that wasn't an option, she shrugged and said then she'd never be happy with him.
So we have her this week. It's been a loooooong week. DS had a friend over yesterday for a sleepover and she was telling the kid about how much she doesn't like DS. Then she was talking about how she was taking her other stepsiblings swimming next week. DS and his friend left the room and I told her to leave them alone, but she told me she doesn't have to do what I say. I took the boys out for ice cream and when we got back DH was home. They were arguing because SD refused to hand over her cell phone. She said "You can't take my phone. My mom pays for this phone!" He forced it out of her hand and said while she was in our house, she would follow our rules and she wasn't getting the phone back. She started trying to pick a fight with me. She called me names, called my DS names and finally DH grabbed her arm and dragged her upstairs. I didn't see her for the rest of the night. But today she's been snarling at DS, cursing at him and even tried to push him over. I stopped her before she could do it. But I swear, I would have lost it with her completely if she'd succeeded.
DH is seriously considering letting her stay with BM. He loves his daughter and wants to be a good dad to her, but she's not open to it at all and is doing her very best to hurt in. I'm so close to the edge when it comes to her. I'm doing my best, but I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.
Do you have any nieces or
Do you have any nieces or cousins SD's age? If so, start inviting them over when she's there. Give them the green light to defend your son.
Unfortunately, I don't.
Unfortunately, I don't.
Good advice, although I would
Good advice, although I would have preferred a better ending. Seems a bit "vicious". Viciousness will not help the situation.
Forever I just snorted at my
Forever I just snorted at my desk!!!!!
Carry on storm trooper...carry on.....
Pack her off to BM and let
Pack her off to BM and let her handle her. At 13, she is old enough to know exactly what she's doing and that is unacceptable. The fact that BM allows her to act like, means SD's attitude will never change. In fact it will probably worsen. You need BM's support to teach her kid respect.
Since SD has happily accepted BM's new family and loves spending time with them - she may as well remain with them.
It won't do your relationship with your DH or your Son to have such a toxic, bullying, disrespectful brat in your home. Let her go and let her know that when her attitude changes, and she learns respect, then she would be allowed back. However, I would also make damn sure BM is willing to assist in teaching her to be considerate and respectful, before she steps foot back in my home.
Thank you! I think that hurts
Thank you!
I think that hurts DH most of all. The fact she accepts them and not us.
As long as she's nice in BMs house, BM won't do a damn thing.
Record her conversation Next
Record her conversation
Next time she comes around, hit record on your phone and have a polite/adult/sweet conversation with her
Do that few times. And send that to everyone and tell the bm if she doesn't control her daughter then the record will go to school and she will be on school counselor will be label as trouble kid because she obviously needed help and her bm n dad can't do anything to stop it 
Hope it helps
A.
It sounds like dh is standing
It sounds like dh is standing by you and addressing this appropriately in good effort and I can certainly respect that. I think the kid should go to BM. Your little one should not have to suffer. You have to think about DS as he is your priority always. Of course you are always willing to and happy to make it work as long as everyone will be respectful to one another. As long as BM is a fit mother, maybe she should stay there for a while and dad could pick her up for one on ones only so she can get the special attention she needs and as their relationship strengthens then he can re-introduce the family. Maybe that could work.