Mind Blown - BM wants to move in a friend with sexual assault charges
There are a lot of people involved in this story, so here's a quick breakdown
BM has three kids with three different guys, so we have...
BD-1 and his wife SM-1
BD-2 (my DH) and myself SM-2
BD-3 who is currently married to BM
A couple of months ago BM informed us that her EX, of which she lived with the first 3 years of SS's life, was accused of child molestation..SICK. DH always hated the guy and when BM was still with him he was accused of rape, but the charges were dropped, so we were unable to get SS away from the house. So we took the kids to counseling and all of that because we had no idea if it had happened to them. SS was too young and too much time had passed for the Dr. to know if he was a victim, but he didn't think so. Dr. also didn't think Child-1 was a victim either. Horrible ordeal and the guy was never charged so he's still walking around freely in the town that we all live in. To top it off, we found out that his kid is going to the same summer program as our kids and so just this week we were discussing how to handle this.
Then last night BD-3 called DH (instead of BM which I think is annoying) saying that a friend of his was going to move into their house and this was a courtesy call, etc. and then mentioned that DH might get a phone call from CPS or Social Services and DH was like WHY??? Apparently this friend was accused of and plead guilty to 5th Degree-NonConsensual Sex Contact, but he didn't do it of course. There was alcohol involved and so on. DH told BD-3 that he would have to think about it.
Now I don't know very much about this kind of thing, but I did some digging and it doesn't appear that this was with a minor, so I'm a little unclear why CPS would be involved, but I really hope they do call DH so he can talk to them about it.
Here are my issues with this...When her EX was accused of rape, she swore up and down he didn't do it and that he was a good guy and would never harm the kids. Fast forward 4 years later and now he's been accused of harming a child. Now both times he was not charged, so maybe he has bad luck and people don't like him....maybe he's a total creep (I'm thinking the latter). So having her re-assure us all that this friend is innocent and he loves the kids, the kids love him.....I'm not convinced. She's clearly not a good judge of people.
Secondly, even if his offense doesn't involve children and you're not worried about him harming them....why is she not concerned with herself. I don't care WHO YOU ARE, if you were convicted of sexual assault, you can bet your ass you will never be in my house especially while I'm sleeping. And frankly NOT around my kids either because I'm not willing to risk it, I'm sorry.
To make all of this even better, when DH finally responded back to her saying he wasn't comfortable with it and that his answer was no. Her response back was "well we need the money"....oh ok, well if you need money, then sure! Why not sell your kids while your at it!
DH and I talked to BD-1 and SM-1 last night and we are all on the same page, and that this is not a good situation to be in. What I don't know is, can we stop it?? I'm still unsure why CPS would be involved if his crime didn't involve a minor and I tried to see if he was a registered offender and it didn't appear that he was (I'm not sure what it takes to get you registered as one). I just feel so lost and helpless and unable to protect SS. This kind of crazy shit seems to gravitate to BM and yet the courts won't change custody. In order to change custody, she has to be verbally, physically or emotionally abusing him...which I personally feel some of the shit she introduces him to, falls into that category...but the courts don't see it that way. Not to mention she really knows how to pull out the "I'm a single mom and life is hard" card whenever she's in front of a judge. Even though she does NOT understand the struggle of a single mom. She's never had to take care of her kids all on her own. She's always had someone in her life and the fathers of her children have all been involved 100% of the time.
This makes me sick...not to mention it's exhausting.
Have you called CPS yourself?
Have you called CPS yourself? Not so much to "report" it, but to say, "Look, BM called and said we might be hearing from you. Here's why. She obviously thinks this is going to be a problem and is doing it anyway, which has us concerned. Here's the guy's name, we want to be sure that SS's safety is not being put in jeopardy here. Help? What are our options? Is BM right that CPS is going to get involved? Is this guy allowed near minor children?"
Right now it sounds like you're shooting in the dark, so even just an informational call with people who deal with this regularly could help clarify things for you.
^^^Sensible suggestion.^^^
^^^Sensible suggestion.^^^
Here, if this guy pled guilty
Here, if this guy pled guilty to a sex act, child services would not allow a non related (to him) child to live in the house with him. However, that may not be true everywhere.
As soon as this guy moves in, someone needs to call the hotline and report it. Here the identity of the caller is not disclosed. BM may think it is you, but they will never tell her it is you.
Get your copy of the CO handy. If CPS removes the child you may need to produce the court order for the child to be placed with you.
Call the hotline. Protect the child as best you can. CPS will investigate. I highly doubt they will say this is ok. #3 knows it's not ok. If he thought it was ok he never would have called you.