So the kid beats up your son and your concern is that explaining to people that a 6 year old is now having a hissy fit so there won't be a party? Why in heck would you still want to throw a party for a kid that physically abuses your child? Why would it ever occur to you to plan another one after canceling the first?

Listen to tog here. There is No reason that visiting should be considered the choice of a six year old. At six he does what he is told. Why do you keep catering to this kid with such awful behavior? Your husband has a better idea at least in not asking the kid about the party, not wanting to feed this nonsense. Now he needs to tell his kid this stuff isn't his choice and not engage in a power struggle with a Six year old.

Wow, once this kid figures out that he is in charge, he's going to give all of you pure hell.

We're suggesting that this really young child not be given grown up power and responsibilities. Of course making him do something he doesn't want to do is going to make the kid angry, dad needs to help him learn constructive coping and that as a kid, as a Human, he doesn't always get what he wants. Now on the flip side of that - if his dad is unable to spend time with him, the kid shouldn't be there. Dad has visitation to spend time with his child so if the kid is going to have to go play by himself all day then yeah, it's better to leave him with his mom.

I'm not sure how a kid can dump a whole cup out in the car and you guys don't notice unless I guess the kid picked up a corner of him booster and poured it straight under.... But whether he's punished in the moment or the next time he visits, there are ways to discipline. In that case, little guy gets no more food or drink in the car.

As busy as the two of you may be, you might want to find some time for some parenting classes if the solution that presents itself to a kid getting angry and destructive is to not see him. I would support his dad seeing him outside the house until dad can learn to parent effectively and get the kid's aggression and violence to the 3 yo and probably the newborn soon too, but for dad to just let this kid decide to not see him is a total cop out. This isn't a teenager that's calling CPS, running away, doing drugs or getting violent with the adults. He's 6. He is still trainable.

His mom may have talked to him at length about divorce and relationships but yea, a savvy 6 yo could see that a new baby means no going back.

You just can't watch them close enough if they are hell bent on destruction. You may have to use the bathroom. You may look down at your phone for ten seconds. That's all it takes.

My SD did stuff like this. She would destroy things on purpose. Like she acted like she was going to the closet to put her shoes on and tore apart one of my daughters flip flops. Or she would put gum everywhere. She would sneak gum in on her body and hide that she was chewing it. For years my husband said how could I accuse her when it could have been my kids. Funny how when visitation stopped in the home, I stopped finding gum.

This boy is hell bent on terrorizing you and your son. I also threw a birthday party for my SD, 7th birthday party. I even made a high school musical cake. This dates the story, but she specifically wanted a home made high school musical cake. Cause that's what I made for my daughter. Then she proceeds to insult the cake in front of all the guests. Acts butt hurt cause this cake wasn't as nice as my daughters. Her dad and other relatives tried reasoning with her. That it was the exact same cake. It really was. But when a child is hell bent on terrorizing the family , I would give up. I should have gave up years before I did. But like you, I had feelings of its only a kid, with time and love and attention she will adjust. Some kids don't. Especially step kids who have some place else to be -their mothers house. And who have been given all the power.

I remember your story now, all I can say you can't watch that boy enough to keep your son and your new baby safe. Cause he's watching you too, waiting for the seconds you go pee or whatever then he makes his move. It doesn't take long to hurt some one bad. A life can be ended or seriously damaged in a few seconds.