Or set her up so she hits you and then you can put a restraining order on her!! lol

I agree with what the above posters have said, Also you need to make it crystal clear to your DH that it is his responsibility to ensure the disruption caused to your household by BM is kept to a minimum. I also use to get really annoyed and upset with BM's stupid e-mails to DH, now I have told him I don't want to know. Unless there is a decision to be made which will impact our household then he is to discuss it with me prior to agreeing to anything with her. Other than that I have no interest in the vitriol she spews.

May I ask what you do that sets BM off like that?

Well, even if I am not the OP , I just want you all to know that what you all said has actually helped me quite a bit.

I would say my best advice is to expect it. Just pretend she is a 12 year old with a shitty attitude and you'll know just about what to expect behavior wise. Nothing will shock you again when you accept hat it will never change and it will always be the same old nonsense.

Also realize that all the bullshit she says is what she has to say to herself in order to feel okay. Its a fantasy world where she doesn't screw up and it really isn't your job or problem to worry about arguing with her about her delusions. Just stick to the absolute basics when it comes to communicating w her, do it all in writing, and have a good laugh about her whenever its possible.

I would really recommend thinking about how terrible her life will be in the end, too. People who are narcissistic are not happy. they do not grow as people and just use and throw away people until they are old, bitter, and have no one left. For real.

I deal with a narcissistic ex wife. It's frustrating but just as everyone has said it's a fantasy world they live in. They will do and say whatever they can to make them selves feel better and empowered over other people. They will change friends and relationships more than you can count bec normal people do not put up with it. She will end up miserable and alone. Do not let this woman make you miserable. I did for over a year and almost quit my relationship also. Do not sacrifice your happiness over someone who's a miserable low life. You have to ignore it. Disengage as much as possible

When deal with BM I told DH always drop off/pick up in front of police station, document everything and record every conversation DH has with BM. You don't have to deal with BM directly but Skids can be as bad as BM so we had to. We also installed camera at home and in the bedroom that skids used. I turned on the camera whenever skids came over and if they don't feel comfortable with if then too bad..my house, my rules, deal with it. Protect yourself and your love ones.

A.

I used to think that the BM was just very insecure and controlling.

That DH did what she wanted because they had been together since HS and had never dated anyone else. I thought that he did what she told him to do because that's just what he'd always done.

In the last few years I've come to realize that she has lots of narcissistic personality traits. She's not full on narcissistic border line personality. She loves her kids and has actually done a very good job of raising them.

But the lies, the controlling, the manipulation, nothing is ever her fault, she only did what she did because you made her, the expectations that everyone should agree with her and if you don't then you are completely against her are textbook narcissist.

The only way to deal with her is to ignore her, don't give her any fuel. It doesn't matter what you say or do, she will lie and twist it to fit her version. And in her version it's all your fault.

DH is very good now about shutting her down and not letting things get too far. Skids are adults and we just got a text last month about how I'm over stepping boundaries. No idea what she was talking about and just ignored the text.

No judgement here, but your husband HAS to set the boundaries that you and him agree upon. Trust me, 16 years later you will thank this statement. If you do not set them, she wins (or so she thinks). Until the kids are of age and he stops giving her the upper hand. Years of tears later, please take the good advice and set the boundaries. Be reasonable, and yes sometimes flexible when needed but do not back down! If you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, you have to literally be there for him and he has to be there for you.. It does not work if it is one sided...

I speak only from what I have been through.

Sometimes you have to stoop to the BM's level to get her to back off. Fight fire with fire. BM was harassing us on the phone from her work and home. I just wanted to get along for the sake of the children but she wouldn't allow it. She was calling the cops on the DH for everything. The cops knew the calls were bogus. She harassed us all the time from her cell phone. I printed off the terrible texts she had sent from her phone. Then we blocked her number and she started sending terrible texts from her company cell phone. I took all the evidence to the sheriff's dept. They visited her AND her employer. The cops told her no charges were being filed but if the harassment didn't cease, I could pursue. Her employer also notified her that if she made any more calls from the company cell phone, she would be fired. I continue to be sure to keep track of everything and I think she knows that. She will lie, cheat and steal if she knew she could get away with it. You have to watch your back constantly.