SS16 Drinking
I have truly had a revelation this weekend. Yesterday SO discovered 2 x empty and 1 x half full bottles of Vodka in SD16's bedside cabinet - he wasn't snooping, he just pushed the drawer closed and heard the chink of bottles. She was at ours at the weekend and had left us. Monday was a bank holiday in the UK. I asked SO if he was going to call her or BM to discuss with her, he said no I don't want to spoil today. OK pal, your decision. When we went out I said that he didn't seem surprised, and he said I know she likes a drink. WF?! I said, I can't believe you just said that. I like a drink, my dad likes a drink, you don't say that about your just turned 16 daughter. Now she goes out pretty much every Friday and Saturday night so she is obviously on the Voddy at her friends' parties. SO didn't call BM until late that afternoon, and apparently she didn't seem that surprised or bothered either. Now BM's parents were both alcoholics and died in their 40s - BM certainly likes a drink, she normally calls SO when she's pissed and starts a row. We then find out that SS18 is buying her the vodka! SO eventually got hold of SD and she pretty much fobbed him off, so he's OK with everything. I just don't get it - my parents would have ripped me a new one if they had seen 3 bottles of vodka in my bedroom at 16. I took the opportunity to lay down a few rules - SS16 is being a right royal PITA at the moment anyway. She has a key to the (MY) house, so I said I wanted this back and that she wasn't to be alone in the (MY) house without one of us being there and that SO has to give her a time to be home (not SD telling him what time she would be back and then being late), and that if she was late she would be grounded on her next weekend with us. He agreed obviously reluctantly, but tough, my house my rules. I am just gobsmacked that nobody seems very concerned that this schoolgirl has been drinking vodka since she was 15. She is currently doing important exams. I just don't get it. SO is now really quiet with me and I don't really care why. I haven't done anything wrong. Am I being ridiculous? I don't have any love for this girl - we get on OK, but no-one else seems to think that this could potentially be a real problem.
Sorry, title should be SD16,
Sorry, title should be SD16, not SS16.
My first drink was at 16. I
My first drink was at 16. I was in a bar in Canada (legal drinking age there is 18). No one checked me for ID. When my Dad found out he layed down this rule for me. "If you are going to drink, or smoke, you will do so in front of me. Not at any other time". He wasn't mad at me or anything. I guess he wasn't blaming me for being a stupid teenager. Since that little speech I decided to wait until I was legal drinking age.
But your SD's case is more disconcerting, not because she is underage, but because of the alcoholism in her family. She needs to be explained how dangerous it is. Sure she might be a social binge drinker (I was in my twenties), but she needs to know what might happen. She's 16 and almost an adult. After that, she can live her life as she chooses.
I agree with you completely.
I agree with you completely. In our country the legal drinking age is 18y. My SD then 14y got kicked out of a party because she was found with a bottle of booze in her bag! She claimed she stole it from her mother's house - her BM had made her angry....WTF Anyway DH didn't think it was anything she should have been punished for as it did not happen on "his watch" I wanted to scream - wake up you fool you think this is the first time she has consumed booze? These dads are just simply dumb
She's in the United Kingdom
She's in the United Kingdom and the attitude to under age drinking is different to the U.S. The police would not become involved even if OP called them. They would only do something if she was a public nuisance.
Saying that, I do think this girl has a problem. Hiding vodka bottles in her room is a sign of sneaky drinking. Her parents are doing excellent imitations of ostriches. Sadly, SM will have to try to ignore the problem.
I know she's not the first 16
I know she's not the first 16 year old to have alcohol, hell I was no angel. But it's her family's attitude towards it that has really shocked me, particularly with BM's parents' history - with you on that one, Drac0. In the UK a 16 year old can buy cider - that's what I drank at that age (because I could!) and SO and I had a row yesterday because he thinks vodka is no worse than cider. I certainly would never have had bottles of hard liquor in the house when I lived at home. The funny thing is (if there is a funny thing) is that I drink vodka and SO asked me to make sure that she hadn't nicked mine because that "would make it even worse", so the stealing it is worse than drinking it apparently....
I guess I don't get why
I guess I don't get why you're upset? And no, it's not the age thing - lots of 16 year olds drink and you're not here posting about them. It's about HER. You said you don't have any love for the girl, so what gives? Why do you care? How is it affecting you? In other words, why is it upsetting you that THIS girl drinks, as opposed to the girl across the street?
>why is it upsetting you that
>why is it upsetting you that THIS girl drinks, as opposed to the girl across the street?<
Because of the alcoholism in her family.
AllySkoo, what's disturbed me
AllySkoo, what's disturbed me is her family's reaction. THREE one litre bottles of vodka next to her bed and none of them seem concerned - it isn't so much about her as about everyone else's reaction. If you read my post that much is clear. I also don't want the fallout from this shit in my house. She treats my house like a hotel as it is, and now she has a minibar up there - the girl across the street doesn't live in my house for a third of the month. She might be swigging it before she goes to school for all I know, but that fact is her family don't seem to give a rat's arse.
Well, I can get not wanting
Well, I can get not wanting the fallout in your house. I'd make THAT point to your SO. If they choose to ignore it when she drinks, then THEY can deal with any fallout but they better not involve your house, your money, or your time.
Have you asked your SO *why* he's not concerned? Just because you see something as a big deal doesn't mean everyone has to, you know? I'd be moderately concerned because alcoholism runs in her family, but most teens do drink (and, as evinced by this board, turn out fine) so I don't think I'd be freaking out either.
"If they choose to ignore it
"If they choose to ignore it when she drinks, then THEY can deal with any fallout but they better not involve your house, your money, or your time." Yup, you're right! I just need to ignore it too unless it starts to affect me directly. Let's just see if my new "rules" are kept to as well.
Hiding bottles is alcoholic
Hiding bottles is alcoholic behavior. I'm an alcoholic (recovering) I should know.
She's in the UK. She can't
She's in the UK. She can't get a licence at 16 so she won't be drinking and driving.
You should hide you drinks.
You should hide you drinks. Chances are she's taking it but topping up the bottle with water.
Time to invoke the drinking
Time to invoke the drinking until she pukes lesson. Go pick up a bottle of ipecac syrup, no longer sold in pharmacies but you can still get it online, and add a couple of shots of it to her vodka stash. As he starts driving the porcelain bus ask her how smart is it for a 16yo to be drinking. Then tell her that every time she ever buys and brings booze to your home she had better be ready to puke her head off because every bottle that is found will be doctored to clean her out with her head in the toilet. If she wants to sniff the family butts with her head in the toilet while blowing chunks then so be it. That is her choice.
Have fun.
}:)