Holy crap. I'm sorry for what you're living with. There is no way I'd go to that house. That's a completely unreasonable request. I don't think I have any great advice but suffice it to say that I personally would not go. .period.dot.

Can you go to the wedding alone? I would rather be with my friends than go to BM's.

Send her far, far, away for university. Cost should be no object. Give yourself a break and the chance for you, DH, DD-11, and the new baby a chance to bond and have a calm and un-usurped chance to be a family without the toxic presence of SD or the remote manipulation of BM. Banishing SD to the far reaches of the realm while maintaining the façade of caring support and excitement for her would be a great tactic at this point.

Congratulations on the new baby.

I just had a baby 7 months ago and step daughter was cuckoo crazy over her but now the newness has warn off and she's back to visiting every once in blue moon.

Sounds like either way you'll be compromised so get sick and stay home with your baby. Some sanity that way. He had no right dragging you into that hell without discussing it with you first. I still wouldn't go blow up or not.

Say no to the party and no to SD holding your baby. U can say no. There will be backlash but if not u will regret being miserable during this time with ur baby.

Send her and her daddy to a daddy daughter day lol. She's there to visit him not parent the baby.

I agree. Do not attend the party. SD wont even notice you're not there. I have an SD19 and we had to bow to her two years ago when she graduated. Her BM had died a few months earlier, so of course I did the right thing.

You just had a baby. The baby will still BE a baby at graduation time. LOL You need your rest. Do what I did for Easter. I told DH that Sunday morning that I wasn't joining in on the festivities at SIL's house. I didn't want to be around SD19.

~ Moon

I think it's was pretty predictable that DH would be attending the graduation ceremony for his daughter, when he received the wedding invite. Regardless of the relationship the last few years with SD, HS graduation is one of those big milestones. New baby two months ago and a rekindled interest in visitations with Dad or not, graduation wasn't going to be skipped by Dad for a wedding.

As far as the party thing. I think Dad should decide what cash he wants to put towards the party, donate the cash and let BM go on to be host. It's at BM's home. BM and daughter have planned it all and co-hosting means more commitment and bull. Donate the decided upon amount and then just go as guest. Guest with no obligation other-than show up, wish the honoree well and leave when desired. Set-up, clean-up and all the required crap in-between avoided.

It would work for baby and you also. You can take separate cars and leave when baby gets tired or needs to be used as a emergency exit plan excuse for you when you've had enough. You can manage to appear and slip away within little more than 30 minutes. Dad can stay if he desires. You can also just last minute announce baby has had too long of a day and baby (and therefore Mommy) need to be home and not attend. Babies get needy ya know and nothing makes it better than home being rocked and put to sleep by Mommy. So there you go...an exit plan and a oops sorry baby and I can't make it alternative. Dad might have to do the party but baby and you don't and you can gracefully decline/leave without making it about SD or hearing the 'you hate my kid' crap.

SDSTB18 should be coming to a close on those visitations with graduation. She's an adult now. The girl needs to work this summer and then school in the fall. She can be treated as the adult she's about to become. Meaning she calls before making an afternoon drop by and accepts the fact now/today may not be a good time to visit. She can wait for invitations to be issued for Sunday lunch (or whatever your lifestyle calls for). She can be treated as any other guest in your home making their exit when it's obvious it's time to go now and not over stay the welcome.

And the get-away little trip you were looking forward to (the friends wedding) , you expect a make-up get-away weekend for you and DH. yeah, it won't be a wedding but it can still be planned and enjoyed. Everybody deserves a break and a get-away. Graduations don't totally cancel normal life needs nor Dh/wife relaxation weekends.

What if you told your DH that you just aren't up to going to the party, given the hassle of finding a sitter or bringing the baby along? It can be about YOU and his other child (remember her, DH?), not about SD and it doesn't have to be a shitstorm of you just not cooperating for his spawn's sake. Offer a nice dinner to celebrate her graduation with her at your house sometime later. Something.

"DH, I'd really like you to support me in this, and we can celebrate with SD ourselves later."

No way would I be going to that party.

I've gotten to the point that I tell ss to go away, or go wait in his room for his dad. He does this hovering thing and with him raiding my underwear I don't want him near me. You need to stand up for what you want.