Letting kids sit in the front seat over adults
Recently my step daughter is the proper height and weight to sit in the front seat. This is a big deal to her and her mother lets her sit in the front seat as well.
Sometimes when I drive my husband will let his daughter sit in the front with me and he gets "chauffeured" around. If he drives, I will usually sit in back with his daughter and we will play games and watch videos.
Recently, we were leaving a friend's house and she was going to get in the front seat when my husband was driving. I asked her if she wanted to sit in the back together. She straight up ignored me and sat in the front seat without any acknowledgement.
She is 8, almost 9 and dad feels bad he only sees her a couple times a month so we both spoil her more than she gets at her mom's house who has two under 2.
Is this something I should ignore since we have established it? I care deeply for and adore my step daughter but is this opening the door for more boundaries to be crossed in the future?
Also, her new thing has been ignoring people even though she hears them, she chooses to continue on with the phone or her tablet. She's told us that her mom will ignore her when she is asked a question she doesn't care to answer therefore her mother ignores her at home sometimes. Is this something dad needs to address and limit? We let her play her favorite video games and watch videos on our phones since her mom hardly lets her but are we part of the reason she always tries to walk all over us? Dad is super easy going, young, and like I said, feels bad they can't be together as much as they'd like?
All advice and comments are appreciated.
CMS
It's actually no person below
It's actually no person below the age of 13--kids 12 and under should be in the back. I've recently wondered when SD10 will be eligible to sit in the front seat, so I looked it up.
When the time comes, I sure hope SO feels the way I do--that if we are both in the car, the kid is in the back.
And to OP, as for ignoring y'all because she's staring at a screen? Hell no. The device gets taken.
"so then why allow kids below
"so then why allow kids below the age of 13 to sit in the front?"
Not sure what you are asking here--we don't allow kids below the age of 13 to sit in the front, and what I was saying was, no one else should either, since the CDC and others say anyone 12 and under should sit in the back. I tried to find height/weight requirements, but the CDC and reputable others seem to do it by age, that age being 13+ to sit in the front.
Seems OP's SD's father has
Seems OP's SD's father has told her she meets the requirements, whatever they believe those are, to sit in the front, so he can't (or won't, rather) go back and say "oh, it's against the law." I don't know what the law is in that area, but now that they've given SD this privilege, it will be hard for them to go back and say "never mind."
My car has those adjustable
My car has those adjustable ones too, but like Lady, they STILL end up on my damn neck. (They really are not made for larger-chested women. And I'm not THAT big! I have a friend who's an EE cup for god's sake, seat belts are just impossible for her.)
I looked up the laws in my state. Under 8, they're in the back seat no matter what. 8-12, they CAN be in the front if they meet height and weight requirements. 13 and up there's no restriction on height or weight. Probably because some adults don't meet them!
She should be sitting in the
She should be sitting in the back and at her age she doesn't need an adult back there with her either. No issue if it's you or your husband driving and just her in the car then of course it's okay she sits up front but if you AND your hubby are in the car then her place is in the back. Otherwise you're giving her adult status and once she gets a taste of that you're gonna have problems. My SS9 always sits in the back, by himself. If he's in the car with his dad and I'm not there then he gets to sit up front.
If you allow this to continue any boundaries you've established she's gonna test them all. Boundaries are important things to maintain, I've had a lot of problems with this kinda thing and the only way I've found works is to be consistent, if something bothers you nip it in the bud now. By ignoring you she was basically saying no you get in the back seat I'm sitting up front where I belong with dad, it's very disrespectful. And you guys ARE the reason she tries to walk all over you because she's been spoiled so now she thinks she can test boundaries and get away with it - been through this recently so I can identify.
"By ignoring you she was
"By ignoring you she was basically saying no you get in the back seat I'm sitting up front where I belong with dad, it's very disrespectful."
Nay, I don't think it has a thing to do with thinking she belongs net to Dad. These two have totally created this and they both thought it was all just fine and dandy. Problem now? It just dawned on the OP that if this back seat rejection just happened to OP, what might be rejected next. Op has her nose out of joint because the kid wanted to ride in front instead of sit and back with OP and play games. My question is why the heck OP has been sitting in the rear seat playing games and watching videos with the child all this time? The OP has enjoyed and encouraged every minute of the OP in back getting kid's attention. Oops, until now. Little Princess doesn't see the problem why OP just doesn't do what OP always does and sit back there and play/amuse herself. SD has outgrown the desire and now thinks it's more fun to sit up front and play grown up. It's new and for the time being, entertaining.
Seriously. Normal adults do allow their children to ride in front if kid is old enough. However they don't let the kid do it while both adults are in the vehicle. Just one. The driver. It doesn't matter what BM does. For all we know BM is single and has no other adult to ride upfront. It doesn't matter that OP is the wife/partner should be riding up front 'next to her husband' . I don't see this as the child purposely trying to play mini wife or be disrespectful to OP. Hell, kid does it to her own father. No, the kid is just pursuing what these two silly adults have led to believe is perfectly ok. At least it was in their minds perfectly ok until suddenly the kid discovered the front seat ride is more enjoyable than playing games in the backseat.
I'm almost afraid to ask what next 'boundaries' OP thinks SD may 'cross' next. I wonder what else these two adults have been enabling and encouraging this kid to think is perfectly ok. I have a hunch this kid has ruled the house at their urging and approval. When one deliberately raises a little princess, they shouldn't be surprised to discover the end result is they now have a little princess. It wasn't until OP felt slighted and dismissed that she now thinks 'oh my, we now have a problem'. The OP and Dad need to immediately correct and stand-up to actual parenting because what they have created is going to go bad and go real bad real fast. The kid isn't too fault here. The adults are. Now they need to try and back track and fix it. It isn't going to be easy either. Once the spoilt entitled princess isn't going to take kindly to being put back into child mode. Somewhere she's never been.
Easy fix. Kids sit in back
Easy fix. Kids sit in back if there are two adults in the vehicle. Period!!! You can play games with the kid from the front seat. I Spy, Punch Bug, License Plate Bingo, etc..... Better yet, the kid parks he ass in the back seat and speaks when spoken to.
Kids are not adults and should not be prioritized over adults. Kids are kids, they do what they are told when they are told to do it.
"Because I said so" is a perfectly appropriate conversation with a kid when they start getting lippy about an issue particularly when they push the adult/kid boundaries. Make no mistake, this is a adult/kid boundary.
Daddy guilt should not even be considered. If he feels guilty then daddy gets told how it is. You, not the kid, is his equity life partner. You and the marriage are his unequaled priority. The kid is not even a close second. The kid certainly is the top marrital responsiblity but is not the priority. Do not allow yourself to be anything but your DH's only priority.
Some parents, like your dad,
Some parents, like your dad, truly are wise.
Exactly!
I was thinking the same thing!
My SD tried this around the
My SD tried this around the same age. I told her that I don't care what age she is, I will never be sitting in the back and her in the front. SO got pissy about it saying she didn't mean it like that. Yeah right. She never tried it again.
I had this exact same issue
I had this exact same issue with my skids who were always competing to sit in the front. I had to bring it up with my SO in the early days of our relationship who I sensed didn't like it at the time, but that was back when he was a total and utter Disney Dad.
I agree with all the other comments, particularly wickedcool stepmum "It's nature's hierarchy" - couldn't agree more. It's also a symbolic display of "we are the adults and you are the child".
You are that you are making a rod for your own back with how you are treating her and yes, this is a mini-wife / princess in the making. Nip it in the bud now.
I feel the same as everyone
I feel the same as everyone else. You are an adult, you did your time in the back of the car as a child, now your turn to be in the front. No problem if the kid is big enough to sit in the front. The skid SS10 did this the other day, went to open the door and saw me looking at him, and he went Oh and got in the back. Put your foot down, and get in the front otherwise that SD will rule the roost before no time.
Where I live very few people
Where I live very few people put their children in car seats or even strap them in at all. Everytime I drive somewhere I see countless cars with small children climbing around inside including the occassional though regular vehicle with children hanging out of windows and standing up through the sun roof. I just cringe. These are the same parents that I see rocking back and forth on their knees wailing on the side of the road with their dead and injured children lying around them when there is an accident.
I feel no sorrow for the idiot parents only, for the kids.
It amazes me that this nonchalance is so prevelent regarding vehicle and pedestrian safety. I always drive in the middle lane where there is one because of the pedestrians who stand partially in the outise and inside lanes as traffic whizzes by.
I feel the same way about the pedestrians who step out into traffic from between parked cars and get splattered by traffic passing at speed. Their friends and family that are with them are all upset because daddy is road grime yet the same family is in the same place doing the same thing the next time I drive by. I feel sorrow only for the family of the deceased. I have no sorrow for the idiot adult who failed to walk the 50meters to the crosswalk. I truly feel sorrow for the driver who hit the idiot. It never goes well for the driver even when there is no fault. Heaven forbid it is a kid that gets hit when mom or dad set a poor example. I feel no sorrow for the idiot parents in the pedestrian situation either, only for the kid who was cursed with idiot parents.
Sorry to hijack your comment. It just got me thinking about vehicle and pedestrian safety particularly regarding the kids not being safely secured in the vehicle.
Rags you live in Africa?
Rags you live in Africa?
No, I live in the Middle
No, I live in the Middle East. The locals are actually not the worst here though they are far from safety conscious. It is the Indian subcontinent drivers (Indians, Srilankans, Bangledeshis, Pakistanis, Nepalese, etc...) and pedestrians that are the man issue.
One of my employess was killed a few years ago. He was a young Indian man who was run over by another Indain who was texting and speeding. My guy was in compliance with the facility pedestrian safety regulations, the driver was moving at twice the posted speed limit in a cell phone free explosion zone. It was tragic and ruined the lives of two families.
Though this is where I learned to drive and I have been driving here for decades is scares the shit out of me every time I get behind the wheel which is every day. :O
Middle East sounds like
Middle East sounds like Africa with the driving. Our locals run over the freeway then can't understand why they get knocked over. Our taxi's are a law unto themselves and driving is risky but our main way of transport for the lower income of this country. If you survive the taxi's driving then you need to be careful of being mugged/ molested/ thrown out while in transit because they were called to a more lucrative route. They drive up the wrong side of the road, their vehicles are falling apart. Exciting times we live in.
Is this a new thing? When I
Is this a new thing? When I was growing up it was 5'2 AND 12 years old to sit up front I thinkk... Maybe that's just our state.
In our state it's a height OR
In our state it's a height OR age thing. So booster seats are until 4'8 OR 8 years old.
& an 8 'almost 9' year old is definitely not allowed to sit in the front seat. Hell most 8 year olds are just out of a booster.
I agree with Tog that more
I agree with Tog that more than one precedent is being set.
As for the car - no. She's way too young to be sitting in the front seat, whether there is one other person (driver) in the car or more.
And the ignoring you even though she hears you? My SK's tried that on me all the time and DH wouldn't do anything about it. It led to a lot of heartache for me (until I bucked up and got a new attitude) and basically taught the SK's that listening was "optional" -- now it's biting my DH in the butt. Until they got much older, they certainly didn't respect me because DH not correcting them was basically validating their stupid little games/behavior.
I see a lot of posters who talk about spoiling the kid/stepkid because whoa is them, they're children of divorce and have it sooooo tough. Whatever... my DH tried to tell me that as an excuse for why he allowed his kids to act the way they did (and sometimes still do) - because their mom is worthless and they NEEDED to be coddled to feel loved, and he was apparently the only person to do it.
My response? AT LEAST THEY HAVE 2 PARENTS THEY CAN SEE. My kids' father passed away when they were very young. Yes, I do feel badly that they don't have their dad around to see them hit their major milestones. But I have never and will never allow them to use that excuse as a reason to be rude, entitled little punks to everyone else.
Rethink what you're doing. Quickly.
I'm 24 years old. If I get in
I'm 24 years old. If I get in the car with say... my mom, my dad, & my DS... my mom & dad sit in the front. If I am driving myself, my mom & my sister... my sister is 22 - she gets in the back.
It's absurd to me that you would put ANYONE more than a decade older than you in the back while you sit in the front, unless they specifically request it - or have to - or you are driving them.
What you meant was you
What you meant was you allowed this kid to sit in the front seat. Your response should have been, "No, SD, children sit in the back if there is another adult present." Stand there and wait. Either she will get out and go in the back or your DH will get upset and say something stupid. If so, walk (i.e., don't do this when you are in another state).
Personally I prefer riding in
Personally I prefer riding in the back seat. My wife always drives (I don't have a license anymore), and our 14 year old daughter (my step daughter) gets to ride shotgun. Everybody's happy, I don't see a problem. It's been this way ever since, and I did volunteer for the back seat.
I really hated it when my
I really hated it when my brother(13) at the time I was 21. Would run and sit in the front seat over my then 79 year old grandma. My dad was a Disney dad with him(even while living with the exSM(her kid with my dad) and would not say anything at all. My exSM loved it, she would sit in the back and allow him(her son) to do this as a way to "stick it" to my grandma. Too many times I yelled at him to get his ass out of the front seat and to have some respect for the elders. I know my grandma was not an easy woman and am sure she didn't like exSM much. But to me, anyone older than me (older generations) gets the front seat, unless they rather sit in the back. My SO is the same way.
I even offer my MIL the front seat when traveling with my SO. She never takes it, but I offer it out of respect and she refuses it out of respect as well.
You were a GOOD skid
I wonder why its the EX SM...*biggrin*
old post, guys....
old post, guys....
Once again. I DO NOT GET IT
You are the adult and sit where you want !!!! Children sit where they are told. That is not a hard thing. If DH does not like it he can sit in back
My daughter sometimes jokes
My daughter sometimes jokes about this with my DH- she will jump in and then go “Shotgun!!” And laughs. Then she gets a “BACK, NOW”... she knows she would never get front seat in a million years.
I could not STAND this when
I could not STAND this when SD was younger. Both BM and DH let SD sit in the front when she was too young.
When I came along, SD totally used it as a power play. I definitely informed DH that she was wasn't big enough. I know there are age and height restrictions but don't remember what they are anymore.
SD would throw such a fit and BM had the audacity to tell DH that he needed to accommodate SD. SD actually would not get in the car at pick up unless she sat in the front. DH would give in an actually asked me to drive, SD would sit in the front and DH in the back. I got to a point where I looked up the requirements, told DH that SD was too young, and that we are adults and we need to be sitting in the front seat.
Things definitely changed, but I wasn't going to give in on that one.
DH and I had some good chuckles when BM's "boyfriend" came along for pick ups and BM would hop in the backseat and let SD sit in the front. What an enabler.