SO won't go visit ss&sd w/o me!
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SO just said let's go visit SD& SgB &SS, i said no i can't as I have other commitments to my kids that weekend.
He said ok well I will wait until you are available!
I just visited SD etc at Christmas drove 16hrs w/my kids to give xmas presents n to see everybody! To which I was pretty much treated as an outsider. That's ok but just not willing to go out of my way anymore.
Now I will hear well Your kids have me 90% of the time the least you can do is see my kids for a couple days. True but why when I send things to them and never even get a thank you text?!
Yes they are grown! Im not
Yes they are grown! Im not sure why he's pressuring me to go with!
Omg! I would love a weekend at home with nothing-ness!
Rather than sitting in an apartment all day in and day out watching my dh dole out cash!
Or take his daughter on spending trips gag!
He probably wants you to go
He probably wants you to go with to be his buffer zone.
Just say no.
Ya i will totally be "the
Ya i will totally be "the buffer" which is akward ive been there before. His daughter n son are not social at all.
Very akward.
It was akward when I went by myself I felt soo unwelcome but looked at what "we" may gain by overextending myself,
Anyways honey just answered me that he will not go without me!!
Tell him he may as well go
Tell him he may as well go see them because you are not going, even when you are available. If he won't go without you, that is on him, I guess he doesn't really want to see them.
Yes he said he will wait
Yes he said he will wait until im available!! im presuming he wants to see if what she is telling him is true, (staying in school etc) but i think its a waste of his time as he already truly *knows* she has dropped out, and i don't see what difference it will make he won't do anything about it/nor can he as she is 22. He usually only *wants to go when she's been cryin the blues about having no money. As he likes to give her cash rather than transfer cash to her so welfare doesnt see it.
Yeah thanks! I tried that
Yeah thanks! I tried that too, i think he is "afraid" to leave me alone, or he is "afraid" of something?
-it could be not wanting daughter to continue to exclude me
-not wanting to send "the wrong" message to me or her?
-???
the past 2 trips he went alone i was fine with it!
Im not sure of the motive or message he is trying to make.
My DH kept wanting to drag me
My DH kept wanting to drag me along to visit with SD and her family. In the fantasy of DH's mind, if we all could spend time together then SD would love me and we would become one big happy family. He would deny all of the big and small slights that SD would sling my way and maintain that she "loves" me. When I started to refuse to go, it meant he had to face the fact that this family was fractured and not ever going to look anything like "Father Knows Best". It actually caused more fights and more insistence about how much
SD wanted me to be her mother. For DH, he just had to hang on tighter to his denial.
I like the line "It would be better if you just went yourself and had a nice visit." Whenever he tries to turn it back on you, remind him that you want him to have a great relationship with his children and that you support him 100%. If he heads back into the waiting for you, go back to the the "It would be better...." line. If he digs in and says he wont go without you, then tell him that is too bad and that his children will miss him and then change the subject.
Eventually he will either make a good relationship with his children - or he will not. Either way it is not any of your business and certainly not your problem.