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50th Birthday comin' up..need opinions please..

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Mon, 07/14/2014 - 11:54pm

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Hi Fellow Steppers.. my 50th birthday is comin’ up in a couple of months and I plan on throwing a Poolside BBQ party for close friends and famz. I just wanted you guys thoughts on this…

My birthday falls end September on a weekday. I was going to plan the party for that weekend on Sat 4th October. However, we will have SS-11 here with us spending the weekend. I get along quite well with him, he’s a stable kid whose pretty quiet and very sensible. My dilemma is with SO, who likes to keep a quiet profile when SS is here. This will mean that SO won’t be able to relax, socialise, have a drink, and enjoy himself.

When I realised we’d have SS with us, I mentioned to SO that maybe he’d be more comfortable if we threw the party the following week. SO agreed that, this was the better option.

I guess I’m feeling a little hurt about this. I had kinda hoped that SO would say “no, don’t worry about SS, he’ll be fine, it’s your birthday, so plan it on the weekend you want”. My BS15 lives with us and will also be here as well as SS. Instead, SO asked me if I’d consider having it the week before. This won’t suit because I believe celebrating your birthday before the date, is bad luck (which SO knows).

Birthdays are a bit of a touchy subject with us, because when SD turned 12, BM threw a party for her at her house, which SO attended and stayed all day and night there. At counselling, our counsellor said this was wrong of him as he put her and BM first. SO saw the light, and we have so far, successfully managed to have separate birthdays with the kids.

Am I being childish? Turning 50 for me is a massive deal. I’ve looked forward to this birthday since I was 15 (not sure why). Every other birthday, while special to me, hasn’t really meant anything until my 50th. My family & friends all know how important it is to me. My Son’s want to know why I’m not just deciding to have it on the weekend I want, but I don’t want to argue with SO and I would like him to be able to enjoy and relax on the day.

What do you all think? Should I have it on the 4th and ask SO to deal with it, or just suck it up and have it on the 11th?

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 1:00am

What would be the most fun for you? My birthday is memorial day weekend which is a 3 day weekend and we always end up having ss12. He(fiance) had his parents watch him last year when he proposed but I really didn't want to have him around for my celebration, I feel the same way....I can't drink, I have to watch what I say, I try not to cuss like a sailor...etc. I don't need another parrot in my house reporting back to mom. He puts my flock at 5! Ha!

You just need to decide what would be best, it's your party. It's okay to celebrate early, we did that this year for my bday and went to Tahoe the weekend before. Or tell hubby to relax and have fun!

SunnySkies's picture

Submitted by SunnySkies on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 2:57am

Could you swap weekends around just for this occasion so SS isn't there at all, then no-one needs to worry about him, unless you particularly want him there? SO should put you first for your milestone birthday - it's YOUR special day and you should have it when you want and do what you want.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 7:41am

If you really didn't want to change the date, why did you offer to do so?

Other than your son, will there be other kids there or will it be all adults?

I can understand him wanting the party on a weekend that his son is not there. My husband NEVER drank when we had his daughter.

I guess you have to decide if you want your husband to be completely present at your 50th birthday party and be able to enjoy himself with you, or stick with your original date. Which is more important?

I get that you wish his answer had been different but now that you put it out there......

If you have the party on your original planned weekend, are you going to be upset if your DH is not able to really "be" there?

You want to have a good time. You have been looking forward to this for a looooong time. You want your DH, and your friends and family to have a good time. You don't want to look back and wish you'd done something different, especially knowing what you know.

This will mean that SO won’t be able to relax, socialise, have a drink, and enjoy himself.

^^^This is what you know.

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 8:55am

i rather think its weird you are throwing your own birthday party. and if everyone knows that 50 is a big one for you and that youve been looking forward to it, why is your husband not throwing the party for you?

my fiance will not drink around SD13 and i usually wont either because for us its not worth the risk of her telling her mother (which she will) and the threat of another BS court filing.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Submitted by frustratedstepdad on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 9:06am

Here is what I have learned the hard way about birthdays. Do what is going to make YOU the happiest.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 11:25am

I plan almost ALL activities around our Skid weekends. So if it were ME, I would want the party when Skids are NOT around, even if it means pushing the date an extra week.
I also see nothing wrong with planning your own party.

goingslowlycrazy's picture

Submitted by goingslowlycrazy on Sun, 03/01/2015 - 10:11am

It's my 50th birthday coming up on the weekend when we have the skids ..so I've asked for us to swap weekends so I don't have to celebrate my 50th with them selfish or not?