Yes, you ARE being unreasonable. He already compromised when he decided he would switch weekends if his visitation fell on your birthday. The end.

Although, this is a moot point because you won't last until Sept. I suggest you find someone closer to your age without children. Why be miserable?

You are being an utterly ridiculous, spoiled child. And you are totally in the wrong. Jesus, I can't believe this is even a question.... I thought people THIS self-centered only existed on reality TV.

I'm afraid I will have to agree with the other comments. He could have easily stuck to the visitation schedule (which most would do). He offered to switch so you can have your birthday weekend skid free. But you expect him to go a month without seeing his kids? It can't be both ways. He offered a reasonable comprimise. Either suck it for the 2 consectitive weekends or give up your birthday weekend to the skids.

If I were a parent, I would be terribly depressed at only seeing my kids every other weekend. I don't think it is fair that he has to give up precious time when he is being generous to you by offering to switch weekends to accommodate your birthday.

We have SD6 all the time except for Wednesday evening and Sunday morning when she is at church with her grandma. It is hard and a major adjustment! But it is important for him to have a strong, healthy relationship. You are given all weekdays and many weekends alone with your SO. I don't think he is neglecting you.

D you have any idea how many of us would be thrilled to get a weekend swapped so we could not have skids on our birthday, anniversary, random other special day that we don't want them around for? He offered to do that without argument. It's unreasonable to expect he'd not want to take them two weeks in a row to make up for it.

What's to point of being first in his life, if you have to badger him and make him feel like shit in order to get there?

If she's first in his life, it isn't because he truly feels that she should be. She may be first because he felt that giving in was better than continuing to argue.

I know a bit of background to Miss Claire's situation. I think people are very quick to personally attack people on this forum. Yes she has asked for an opinion. But words have been used a such as "arrogant, self centred, selfish and childish" And even people swearing saying "fuck" seriously...give your opinion but swearing and being attacking someone isn't constructive. If you think that she is being unreasonable...fine. Like a lot of people have put their opinion across without attacking her. As we all know being a step parent is hard...hard emotional work. Somethings think people should think before being a keyboard warrior...I know some back history hear, and to be honest she is a great step mum. She isn't a selfish monster that some of you are making out. There are situations in here when I think yes, you are being out of order. This is her 30th birthday...not a 31st...or 29th. This is a big birthday. And sometimes if the skids have been really winding you up, you need a bit of support not an attacked. Even constructive critism...but not being damn right rude.

Miss Claire 1985 I support you. I am shocked and appalled at the disgusting language used by all these so-called "ladies"
" on the forum. (Who should all be ashamed of themselves for being so un-lady-like!!!!)

Having said all that, I wonder if it does sound like you are feeling over-run by the skids. Can I suggest that you need to work harder in getting out there and living life to the full when the skids come to stay.?

I actually am virtually never there when my SS comes to stay. I mostly go and stay with my parents, and spend the time catching up with friends, reading books that I've always wanted to read, watch movies that my partner would never watch in a million years, or just sit there looking up as many weird and wonderful things on YouTube as I can.

This is YOUR life, which is not to be lived in the shadow of the skids. It really does sound like you have sacrificed too much of yourself already, which could be why you feel like having them two weekends in a row is a punishment.

Make a list of places you've always wanted to see, and things you've always wanted to do. You can have YOUR hobbies, and your partner can have his kids as HIS hobby. And then when it's not a skids weekend, working even harder at making the time with your partner 'quality time' .

As for all you ''ladies' who were spitting and screeching such venom: you are forgetting a few things:

1. A woman who skids come over EOWE , does not spend all the OTHER days in the month, skipping through the poppy fields with her DH. Most of the time, on weekdays, it's all the day-to-day stuff. I feel that sometimes the skids get MORE quality time with him in a weekend than the SM does in a fortnight.

2. Everyone is banging on and on about the concept of putting people 'FIRST'. What does putting someone 'FIRST' really mean? Is it a blanket rule that covers all situations and circumstances???? No!!!! Priorities are weighed up on a situation -by - situation basis.

3. Did you not think to ask more questions, such as 'are the skids respectful?' , or 'do they respect the household rules and property when they come to stay?' or 'do they understand that when they come to stay, they are staying in the home of. Miss Claire and DH?'

4. Why are you all telling her to leave, as if it's as easy as selling something on e-bay? I don't see any of you leaving your husbands, and from I gather, none of your lives are a picnic either

5. Why are you calling her 'selfish' just from this one example? You don't see all the little things she may do for him throughout the day, throughout the week. Why could you not simply point out that her DH made what could be arguably construed as a sizeable sacrifice, and that she needs a reminder to meet him 50/50, even if she is far removed from his perspective.

I could add about 50 points here. Maybe more for another day.

Having said all that, Miss Claire, you do need to have a think about what you would do if you were both required to have the skids on a full time basis - even if only for a year. You need to sit down with your DH and figure that out.

And if you want a more dignified place to share and converse, drop me a line.

Take care....

Well Miss Claire, sounds like you need all the epiphanies you can get. It's a hard situation, and you need to drown yourself in books, videos and everything else you can get your hands on. Get on Amazon, and go, go, go!

I don't personally think you're being unreasonable or selfish...maybe a little ungrateful...Believe me, it could be so much worse! At least you don't have skids fulltime every day of the work week plus every single weekend. I haven't had a single break from SD12 in over 7 years because BM is gone, lazy, and 100% absent. My past 7 birthdays have been so shitty because of SD that I told DH I'm not celebrating them anymore. It works for me. Last year my birthday was awesome for the first time in 7 years. I treated it like any other day and insisted DH do the same. SD had no clue it was my birthday and I kept that my little secret. After SD was in bed, DH gave me a very nice sentimental gift--a painting I always loved.

Be thankful you get at least some weekends without the skid. I haven't seen a peaceful weekend in ages and probably never will.

. One thing you're all forgetting is: Why is it such a tragedy that the DH has to wait 3 weeks before seeing his children again? We have become so soft and sooky in todays' society! What about all the children who used to go to boarding school for a whole term, and only see their parents in the term break? (Which still happens by the way). Or fathers with really important jobs, who have to fly away for business for up to a month? Or older kids, who become an exchange student and live overseas for 6 months????? :?

HANDS CLAPPING FOR MISS JULSIE!!

You are being selfish and unreasonable. These are his kids and switching weekends is not that big of a deal. Lots of us have done it or do it now.

At lease he offered to switch weekends to accommodate you, and didn't tell you too bad, celebrate your birthday on another weekend.

Based on your OP and your responses, I think you're behaving like a huge jerk.

Wow, what a shitstorm! Yes, probably wrong about the weekend thing but shouldn't we be a bit more supportive here? I mean crap, aren't the skids enough to deal with? How about some compassionate redirection?

I have not read all of this thread but ... I think your perspective is perfectly reasonable Miss Claire.

IMHO a partners past only gets the % of your time and your relationship as defined in the CO. If the CO says EOWE then that is it. If you have a two week vacation planned or a weekend event that requires that SO miss a weekend then that is life and he needs to realize that his past gets to infringe on your life only so much.

This is not selfish IMHO. This is reality. If he wants a relationship with you then he deals with those facts of the relationship.

Our CO is very clear. Visitation not taken cannot be made up at a later date or combined with any other visitation without agreement from the other parent. You count far more than his X so before he approaches his X to reschedule visitation he needs to get your approval.

As I said, his past should only get so much of your life. Not your kid, not your problem. Tell him don't discuss it with him. "We are having an adult weekend on my birthday. Inform BM that she has the kid that weekend regardless of the visitation schedule."

Then same goes for extended vacations. Adults in a relationship need kid free time together. In intact initial families the kids go to grandmas or camp, etc... and rarely does anyone whine or cry about it. In a blended family shit happens, the other parent gets the spawn, and the couple goes on vacation.

This was an issue that my bride and I had to work through. My family took a few vacations during the Skids 5wk summer visitation with the Sperm Clan and my wife and I did not go because my bride had major issues with guilt about going on vacation without the Skid. After a few missed vacations with my family I told my bride "we are going". She wanted my brother and his family and my parents to align with the Skid visitation schedule so he would not miss it. My family have lives too. My brother has ILs who need to spend time with he and family. My parents want to spend time with their sons and grand kids including the Skid but if he is not available when the other 9 of us in the family can go then so bet it. To this day my bride will get cranky when those vacations are mentioned even 15ish years later.

If SO's CO names BM as CP that gives you a lot of authority here. As the CP BM is the one who deals with visitation your SO does not take. This fact is one of the only advantages that an NCP often has.

All IMHO of course.

This is just sick. Sick sick sick. He did honor a request for you, switch weekends. This is this stuff that gives stepmoms the name...evil stepmom. I feel for those kids.

NO! No, No, No, No and, by the way, No. You are NOT being unreasonable. I just had the absolute WORST Valentine's Day ever because it was "kid weekend". I constantly look at the calendar to see how many weekends and holidays will be shot to h2ll because of kid weekend. The ex calls all the shots, interrupts his weekends on a whim whenever she decides to go away - including Christmas... and when I say something about my birthday landing on kid weekend, he seems shocked. "Should we switch"? NO. Just tell them you're busy that weekend, just like they do. There is no conceivable way I'm spending my birthday with his kid. Not gunna happen.

Im afraid I didnt read all 5 pages so forgive me if I am simply echoing someone else.

Your husband has EOWE visitation, so he sees his children for two weekends within a month. Thats 4 full days out of 30.
Now Im not really sure how the conversation came up that "if his visitation fell on my 30th birthday weekend", what is the visitation schedule? Is it simply alternating weekends throughout the year? Or is it 1st weekend by BM, 2nd weekend by father, etc? Either way you should be able to work it out whether the visitation would normally fall on that weekend.

I can completely understand wanting to have a weekend away over your birthday, however if he has his children that weekend why is it not possible for you to celebrate and have a weekend away the week before or after?
Would you appreciate the BM demanding your husband take the kids so that she could go and have a weekend away over her birthday? Now I know you arent their mother therefore it is not your job to be responsible for these children, but by being married to their father you do have a duty to ensure that you are not PREVENTING their father from being responsible for them.

Personally I feel his offer of swopping weekends is a great compromise, lets face it from his point of view if he skips the weekend all together then he will be going three weeks without seeing his children, making it 2 days out of 30 that he sees them. Thats a long time.

My fiance and I have had conversations about under what circumstances he would forfeit his visitation, he feels that he would not want to forfeit visitation for a holiday which means we will never be able to take two-week holidays. However he has his heart set on a destination wedding and honeymoon for which we will need two weeks, so he is happy to forfeit a visitation weekend for our wedding and also he has said that he would be happy to forfeit a visitation weekend at the point that I give birth. (As in should I go into labour on the thursday before then he would cancel. Ofcourse it is impossible to predict when any baby would arrive but it was important to me to know under what circumstances he feels is justifiable for changing their visitation schedule).

The reason we had that conversation was so we could avoid scenarios like what you are feeling now. Whilst to me I wouldnt mind skipping a weekend in favour of a weekend break away, for him it is not doable. (Now we are in a position that the BM will not offer swops so a skip is literally a skip, no making up the time later)

Yes I believe the relationship with your partner/husband needs to be the priority, but him making your relationship a priority does not mean forfeiting time for his children.