Step parenting and heart breaks see no country, race or culture. Forgive my imperfect English. My language is Spanish, I am from Chile, I am a single 34 years old man without BC, I just broke up two months ago with my Ex GF of two years, I am suffering a lot now, a little less than last week, and less than two ago and less than two months ago, but it still hurts, when does it stop? I want to be the man I was, happy, relaxed and content in my singlehood without kids.
This is my story. I have a relative comfortable life, nice job, a carefree free style, do a lot of physical activity, look younger than I am, people say I have good looks, have confidence to speak with women and fortunately always had relations with beautiful girls. But this last girl I broke up with has my heart destroyed, it is better now, but I still miss her like hell. I have never suffered so much for a woman, I am disappointed in me, and I tell myself: ‘’man up! You look and sound like a 15 year old kid that is dumped by his/her first love’’ The nights and weekends are the worst. Then I found this forum and I feel a little better and more determined to move on and not going back to this girl.
I have had my girlfriends and lived together for long times a couple of times with some girlfriends..
Then a couple of years ago I met my recent Ex, 29 now, she has three kids, boy 9, girl 9 (they are twins), girl 6. I had the rule of never getting involved with women with kids, maybe dating but never get serious. But love happened. She is just stunningly beautiful; nobody believes she had 3 kids, guess she has great genetics. She couldn’t study when she got married, and didn’t want kids but her ex got her pregnant right away; they had a lavish life style based on dark business of the rat ex and BD of the kids. He was unfaithful to her and abusive, and didn’t allow her to study. One day she left him and took her kids with her, she loves them. She lived rough years of poverty and hardship. Working in menial jobs and surviving with the money her ex gave her, he humiliated her each time he gave her money. He wanted her back with him but she didn’t love him anymore. She had suitors but her BS never allowed her, the kid was too jealous, she thought it was better to dedicate herself to her kids since they were to small even though it brought her hardship.

We had been dating for many months when her economic situation reached the lower point and her ex lost his job and couldn’t help her anymore. Imagine her, no CS, no education for a good job because she just started to study after she left her ex, no good job, three kids, food, rent, bill, her university bills, etc We decided to live together. We were hopelessly in love even before that. I saw myself as her savior, her prince charming. I took full charge of all bills and expenses. Stupid me. I told her ‘’dear don’t worry I will take charge of things’’. For months I worked and paid the bills, she could dedicate herself to study and be with the kids all day, enjoy them, our plan was for her to finish her career, buy a house (me), and then the two of us working sharing the expenses, but for the moment it was me. Because we had the kids 100% time, her ex took them for weekends a couple of times a month. Here the laws of visiting and taking the kids are not very strong. He did it but it was a hassle it took lots of negotiating and fighting, I wanted to punch that creep, still hope someday to do it now that it is over, but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
It was hard at first because for years she allowed her son to sleep with her every night. I am totally against it. The kid was very jealous and possessive of her. She seemed to have preferences with him over the girls. But though it was hard and trying she forced him to sleep in the same room with his sisters. The first year of us living together was heaven and beautiful, the sex was wonderful. We were really in love and all was perfect. I started to buy her nice her clothes to her and the children, toys, school items, presents. There was balance, during the weekdays she had the kids for her to play, and watch those stupid Disney movies the whole day. Weekends when they were at their BD we enjoyed ourselves, went dancing, dining, and going to the movies, perfect sex. I was the envy of the guys.
Even though I never wanted kids I went along very well with them, especially the girls. They never disrespected me or yelled at me. It changed a little my view of parenting. It made think that maybe someday I could have my own kid. The boy though polite was always distant to me, I tried to reach out to him but there was a barrier. I wanted to have a closer bond with him.
Some months ago she met a classmate at college. I bitch, a serpent that ruined everything. After she became friends with her my ex was never the same. This other woman is also a single mom, but her mother is rich and pays for all her bills, an adult stuck in teenage hood. This woman jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend, partying, drinking, whoring, while her mom took care of her kid. I am sure that this pest resented what we had and started to put things in my ex’s head. She started to go out with this woman, more and more and we in exchange started to share less time together. My ex used to travel by bus and walking everywhere; once we dated I drove her around in my car everywhere I saw for all her minor and big needs. She started to go to the gym with that woman at nights. So basically while I went out working my ex slept all morning. Used the facebook and watched cable and used internet all day (she didn’t have those things before me). When the kids came back from school it was all kids’ time and stupid Disney channel and video games, but I was ok but I don’t care as long as I am out working. But when I arrived late in the afternoon I started to find her mom in the house taking care of the kids while she was out at the gym with her new friend. She called me to pick her up; she doesn’t drive, so she didn’t have to take the bus. When she was home then it was time to study for her, so I fell asleep and she climbed bed around 1 or 2 am. It went on for some months. Sex diminished a lot. To almost zero.

She started to ask for more presents, clothes, money, hair treatments, and kids’ stuff. Financially for the first time in my solvent life it started to take a toll. I had to start taking out money from my savings account. Her ex still wanted her back and refused to give her any money and take the kids away on weekends. As I said here it is very hard to send someone to jail for CS. He was no stupid, he wanted our relationship destroyed. We had the kids all days with no free time for us. To make things worse in the last months the boy has become impossible, he reversed back to the ‘’I want to sleep with mom stage’’. He demanded expensive toys. He does awful in school and failed all subjects and has to repeat fourth grade. He is out the whole day in the street with problematic kids. But as soon as I went home he started to annoy being all night clinging to his mom’s skirt or getting in our bed. She then took the terrible decision to start to sleep with him again almost every night. The kid became difficult and more distant to me. She said that it worried her that he seemed to be more like his dad each day. Jealous, controlling, lazy, a liar, etc. That sounds harsh but she told me so one night it sounded sincere. My life became less happy each day with this whole situation.
I visualized my future, spending all my money, in kids that I genuinely loved were not mine. In some years they would reach teenage hood, difficult years. A hostile kid, less sex and feeling less rewarded. Our relationship became a routine. Me? An outsider paying the bills, but I felt each day less gratitude towards me. Each day of her revolved more around her friend. One day I told her that we needed to talk and that I wanted a change. I told her all this I was feeling and that the relationship was in risk for all these points. She wasn’t so convinced things remained the same, and actually she became colder to me.
I allowed some months, then after two days of she sleeping with the kid. I packed my things, gave her enough money to survive a couple of months, I had no financial obligation with her. I told her that I felt she didn’t value all the life I gave her, that she didn’t tried a change for the better of the relationship. She called me names: imbecile, not enough man, because according to her a man has to give and expect nothing in return, much less remind a woman all he is done for her. Then she told me something I didn’t know. Something I later discovered with people that know her was true. She said I did what other men have done before and will do after me. Give her money and buy her things because she is beautiful. That she will find another wallet that will see for her every expenses and couldn’t care less for me.
I left her and hope in God never look to back to those two wasted years. Even the great sex we once had isn’t worth it or all the love I had for her.

Lesson. Be careful. If you think you are a big wise man that knows the world a beautiful woman can drain your money and future. Another sucker one day will meet her, at first everything will be a paradise but then when that idiot gets married and wastes his life in some other bastard’s kids he will lose the rest of his life. External looks deceive. Those blond, long legs and the rest will start to fade away once she reaches her 30s. Those women that pretend to be quiet and give an external look of victims are the worst.

I sometimes miss her (the one person of the first year). What we originally had. But what doesn’t work once hardly will work the second time. I need to be strong. I know one day when the money I gave her vanishes which could be any moment now, she will call me. I really hope she better uses her looks to find another sucker so she never looks me and tempts me. I deleted her number blocked her from FB, I have zero contact with her.
I started to pay last month my first house, just for me, even though it takes me 15 years to pay. I will concentrate in my job, recuperate my damaged and once strong finances. I am doing more exercise, too. I will not this time get ever involved with a woman with children or a terrible past. Maybe someday I will find the right woman. I feel lonely now because I made the mistake for two years of centering my life around her, I forgot my friends and family. Never again. I read some of your stories and it helps me keep strong in my determination that I did the right thing of walking out of there before it got worse. I just want to be the happy carefree guy I once was two years ago. It will take time I hope not so much though. She hurt me by calling me imbecile, and calling me expendable and just one more of her victims. I don’t regret what happened though it has been a school experience in life, one I will never forget and hope never repeat twice. Sorry the long like a book post.