Officially and legally you have no rights but in reality you have every right you chose to take.

My bride and I met when SS-21 was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. He has always been on my medical insurance (at least while he was a minor) and I have been his dad in every way, shape and form. I was the dad that enrolled him in school, I was the dad that attended every parent teach conference, I was the dad that made doctor’s appointments and took him, I was the dad that put him on and took him off of airplanes, I was the dad got his passport, etc......... Of course his mom (my bride) participated too.

No one ever questioned my "right" to do these things and I always did what I thought was best as his father.

So, my advice is do whatever you chose to do whenever you chose to do it until someone in authority tells you that you can't. The only person in authority is a Judge IMHO and then only if they are intelligent enough to keep any stupid decisions they may make from being reversed on appeal.

You and your SO are equity partners in your relationship and that makes you an equity parent to any children in your home regardless of biology. The NCP BM can kiss your ass if she has a problem with you parenting YOUR Skid in YOUR home. If she has the resources, brains and stroke to take you to court then tell her to bring it on then destroy her. Family law judges may generally be the bottom 10%er idiots of the legal profession (in my experience and opinion) but even those numb nut morons can see who a kid's REAL parent(s) is/are. At least most of the time. If BM does not have the resources, brains or stroke to change the fact that YOU are for all but legal purposes your Skid's mother then she can STFU.

All in my legal layman's experience and opinion of course.

You asked about "rights". The original answer was spot on. I'm sorry. I know that your biology is in full forward but legally you're nothing but a step-parent and there is no such thing as legal step-parent rights except as defined by a judge to the best of my knowledge and that would only apply to the individual case before that singular court. You asked the question don't flay the messengers.

"SHOULD I have legal rights?" might have brought different answers.

Further if the mother is visiting the child on a weekly basis you're never going to legally displace her as the mother, never adopt her without the mother signing off no matter how poor a mother she is. In law blood is not thicker than water its almost concrete and rightfully so.

Your best bet at this point is if you husband will do as suggested above. He cuts the mother off completely when the mother starts up her blather and no matter how much of it she manages to get out none of it is repeated to you. Her blather is irrelevant and not worth repeating.

There are organizations that specialize in supervising parents who cannot be trusted to be alone with their own children - usually drug addicts and such. They'll keep written records of her antics but can't share the records with anyone but a court. Can one of these be used for the "visitation"? How about Dad's mother or father?

Hopefully if this woman's audience can be removed she'll grow weary of having nothing to do while "visiting" the kid and she'll stop showing up entirely. In time her abandonment will give you and your husband a opening to removing the mothers parental rights.

But be prepared, it will be a expensive proposition lacking the bio-mothers signature. Best of luck I hope this child can be adopted by you. However considering the statistics of divorce in western societies if he were here I would warn him against taking this step lightly as he could end up divorced from you and paying child support to you. If he had not allowed your adoption he could have simply walked off with the child at any time.

Echo's post was perfectly spot on, whether it's what you wanted to read or not.

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm raising my SS, I make all the sacrifices for him that his BM doesn't, I take him to the doctors, deal with his school, etc. I do this because I choose too. I've been raising him for 3 years now and before that my DH was completely a single parent with no BM in sight.

I have absolutely no legal rights to my SS at all.

My DH and I just went through a long custody battle last year because BM was threaten by her own mother to do so - she didn't care about seeing her son at all. Now, she sees him one day a week and ignores him the entire time.

The mediator and judge didn't care that I cared for him in the absence of his BM, they didn't care about my sacrifices, and they didn't care about my feelings at all.

This is the price you pay for being a loving stepparent.

you have ZERO rights...the end....

I can only really add to what other people have posted, at this point in time you do not have any legal parental rights over the child.
You do however have the right as a step parent to be as involved or not involved in parenting this little boy as you choose, with your partners support.
Hes a baby, well toddler now but still, hes very young and its natural that you feel more parental responsibility because of this. You have been able to give him all those baby cuddles and all that bonding time whilst hes been so little, which is great but you have to remain aware that things could potentially change in the future.
Personally I would have your partner get the current visitation schedule changed, I wouldnt be allowing this woman into your house, particularly if shes using every opportunity to speak negatively about you. You tried it out, she wasnt able to respect that basic fact so she doesnt get that right.
Have the visitation place changed to somewhere like a police station, theres various other people here that have that. It also makes it easier for the occassions that she doesnt bother attending. If her record remains equally awful over the next however many months then think about looking at removing her parental rights if thats the path you want to go down.
Just be aware that as the little boy grows up he may want to reach out to his biological mother, and that wont be because of something you have done, thats just the way it goes. Same as with adopted kids, can have great adoptive parents but sometimes theres just that urge to find out and have contact with the biological family. Same goes for drug abusers, particularly if they are the kind of people to flick in and out of the childs life waving the "I always loved you but your daddy stopped me from seeing you" card and yes that line gets used an awful lot.

My SS9 called me Mommy until his own mother was released from jail when he was almost 4 (she was in for two years). I have always cared for him as my own, but she corrected him. I'm NOT his mother. Gosh, that was and is the hardest thing to accept because I love him so much and feel extraordinarily protective (Momma Bear).

Just be prepared to deal with these conflicting emotions and sticky situations indefinitely. It's so hard, but your SS needs you just as mine needs me. We're just not Mom, we're Step-Mom.

Hopefully, his BM will eventually accept your place in his life. Good luck!

It's a rough ride!

I just googled Step parent rights in Oregon and I find that I DO have rights to the child I have helped raise for the past 4.5 years. My DF has joint custody and I have been apart of that childs life by his consent. It would be a long and lengthy process, but

"Oregon law protects the rights of a stepparent who has formed a relationship with a minor child. During a marriage, both the stepparent and the non-custodial birth parent have a financial obligation for a minor child. However, a stepparent's financial obligation ends when a divorce judgment is entered.

During a divorce or separation proceeding, a stepparent who has maintained an ongoing personal relationship with a minor child may petition the court for visitation and contact rights. You must show a substantial degree of contact with the child for a period of at least one year. You do not have to show that you had physical custody, only a relationship with substantial contact. If the court finds from clear and convincing evidence that visitation is in the child's best interest, it may order visitation. "Clear and convincing evidence" is a higher legal standard than is required in other cases.

A petition for stepparent visitation rights may also be filed in a new legal proceeding or through intervention in an ongoing juvenile court, guardianship, or family law proceeding.

Custody may also be sought in special circumstances, where a stepparent can show a child/parent relationship. To seek custody, you must show physical custody of a minor child within the six months before filing an action. It is important but not enough to show that you provided food, clothing, and shelter to the child. You must also show that you have assumed parenting responsibilities, at least temporarily.

Generally, in custody contests between a birth parent and a stepparent, the court will award custody to the birth parent, absent some compelling threat to the child's present or future well-being. The "child's best interests" standard does not apply in these situations. In some cases, if the birth parent abandons a child for a substantial period of time, it may be sufficient to warrant custody to a stepparent. Stepparents may also seek to adopt a minor child.

Establishing stepparent rights can be emotionally difficult and legally challenging. Whenever possible, professional legal advice should be obtained."

CHECK WHERE YOU LIVE!

I am the legal, signed by a judge, caregiver of SS in his father's absence. Caregiver is a loose term, I know, but it is spelled out that I have the authority to act in the best interest of SS regarding daily and emergency care without having to confer with BM except in emergency situations and then I have 24 hours to notify her