Should have trusted my instincts...yes DH's daughter and sister once again

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You know that feeling you have, when you're headed to a family event at your DH's, and you dread putting up with the nasty inlaws and adult stepkid.

You hope it won't be all as bad as you worry it will be, you try to think positive and tell yourself yourself you'll enjoy yourself anyway, you won't let them get to you, you won't let them ruin your Christmas. You think, they have been better lately maybe just maybe they will surprise me and show some class. Hey it's Christmas maybe that will motivate them to at least be civil

Then you wank in the door and yup, they behave like total assholes to you - even worse than you dreaded they would be!

I should have known by the standoffish behaviour from SGS when we first arrived....this always tells me that DH's daughter has been PASing SGS against me again (and based on her behaviour later in the evening this is exactly what she was doing and couldn't even hide it)

Second clue DH's daughter had 'regressed' was the lack of any sort of hello from her, or DH's sister, let alone actually saying Merry Christmas

Regardless, I took the high road and walked into the kitchen where they were preparing the Christmas brunch and asked if there was anything I could do to help. They continued talking to each other as if I hadn't spoken. I gave them the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe they may not have heard me since in all fairness they had been talking when I walked in. I waited for a second and then asked very clearly again, if there was anything I could to to help. Silence. I stood there and the silence from them continued. It grew into a long silence. I remained standing there in disbelieve that even they could be so out and out ignorant to me that way. Finally, DH's daughter said that she didn't need any help. She was so rude when she said it that she didn't even turn around to face me when she said it - kept her back to me the entire time

Then DH's sister mentioned something about that they might need help later. I told her to call if they did and walked out of the kitchen

Then, after a few minutes DH's sister comes out and says to me oh so sweetly in front of everyone that yes, they could use my help. I knew walking in there that it would be worse than their rudeness before. Sure enough, as I suspected, once I was in there doing the 'task' DH's sister gave me to do, DH's sister and daughter went right back to excluding and ignoring me, laughing and carrying on with each other as if I weren't there in that space with them

And the behavior went on the entire time we were there

DH's daughter doing the old "show DAD the pictures of SGS" deal with SSIL, making a big deal of DH to SGS while downplaying me, the constant exclusion from her and DH's sister all day, the snarky comments, too many things to list. Just unbelievable

And the best - DH's family draws names for Christmas each year and this year I got his daughter's name. I bought her something very nice that she clearly liked.....Yes I should have known how she would respond. Of course rather than thanking me for the gift she did the old "thanks guys" routine, knowing full well DH had nothing to do with the gift

Guess I should thank her...lately she has been seemingly improving towards me and although I will never get sucked in again by her cycles of "good behaviour" towards me, I was starting to think that maybe she was just starting to grow up a little and I was unsure of how to respond, now I don't have to worry. She (and DH's sister) have proved once again to me that my instincts were right all along - they continue to hate, live to hurt and humiliate and "get back" at DH and especially me for perceived wrongs that live in their imaginations, and their justification for acting like assholes, even on the one day of the year you would think they would try to demonstrate an ounce of human dignity - not so!

You are so sweet Annith -

You are so sweet Annith - you're on I'd much rather spend it with you that's for sure!!

The treatment you received is

The treatment you received is horrible. As I read your post I just felt myself getting weak. Their treatment of you is calculated. It's evil. They couldn't let their first encounter of abuse with you be, they had to call you back so that they could continue to abuse you.

When I have gone through similar treatment I would be in such shock that I would say nothing and keep being sweet. Now I rehearse in my mind to be prepared but that never works either as it seems I am never given the opportunity to act out my premeditated comebacks. I am fortunate that only my skids and who ever they can poison act like that. I am further blessed that 2 of my 3 skids have chosen to be totally estranged from us. My husbands family is very good to me and I think they are even seeing the light of how badly I have been treated by skids.

Anyway, I felt your pain.

Thanks jam, and I'm sorry you

Thanks jam, and I'm sorry you have experienced this too

Yes, calculated evil behaviour that they seem to enjoy dishing out

I actually feel sad for them....can't imagine living your life so filled with a need to "get back" at someone - someone who has never done a thing to you or deserves that treatment in any way.

To be filled with so much insecurity, hurt and anger must be brutal!

Dis, the fact that you

Dis, the fact that you actually seem to want to put yourself in that situation is what worries me.
Why do you keep going back for more abuse? It cannot be just for the sake of ( your pretty entertaining) posts on ST

Tell your husband to bring his family to heel. If he cannot do that, they will not ever see you again.
Hostility is not going to be tolerated. By taking it so meekly i think you are teaching them to keep dishing it out. Stop taking it. They do not feel any love for you? What do you care what they feel?
You care about how they act. If they need help with feelings, they can find a therapist.

No civility in their actions - no more interactions with them.

Not sure why you would think

Not sure why you would think that Pilgrim Soul but you are entitled to your opinion. Besides the fact that that is exactly what they would love (me not attending events that FIL is hosting and invited me to) I go because it means the world to my FIL. He has been incredibly supportive and kind to me over the years, certainly calling DH's daughter's crap towards me for what it has been, and it's just simply not worth hurting him over - then they doubly win

So I go and ignore the asshole behaviour from DH's sister and daughter as much as I can. And I gravitate to those with good energy like my FIL, SSIL and of course little SGS

I bet it bugs DH's sister and daughter immensely that I go, ignore them, have a nice time visiting with their grandfather/father, am happy positive and friendly towards those who treat me that way too, and basically pay them no mind other than the most basic of human politeness.

What they think of me, or the situation, doesn't matter at all anymore. Their behaviour is pathetic, and on some level even they must know it. And it absolutely will not control whether I'm there for my FIL and DH or not, that's for sure!

Can you not spend time with

Can you not spend time with the people you do appreciate in another setting? Maybe your own home? And not attend these family events?

I feel like this is my future

I feel like this is my future in T-minus 2.5 hours and 7 minutes. Me and DH are going to a friend of ours birthday dinner. BM will be there and some of her others. Im willing to be my life that it will either go horribly like this or a slightly milder version of this if she brings SS3 but Im not holding my breath.

After being ignored the first

After being ignored the first time I asked if I could help, I would have turned around and went and mingled with people who actually wanted my company. And I would not have lifted a finger to help the bitches later, either.

Not when the invite came from

Not when the invite came from FIL, LuckyGirl, in his home

Yes I detest the nonsense with DH's sister and daughter, but I also can ignore them for the most part....and then vent here of course!

It is what it is, and I've learned to accept it.

At the end of the day, I really do feel sorry for people who so enjoy treating others that way. To me, that speaks volumes of how miserable and inferior they really feel....if they didn't, they would behave with the same class and dignity

I don't need to act the same way as them, or run away from them either, because I don't feel jealous, resentful or bitter about their existence

I feel sad that they have never gotten past their hurt and anger, and have never been able to grow up and end the war on all their imagined crimes that they think have been committed against them.

They are truly the ones who are losing, not I

I've moved on, I gravitate to people who give positive energy. People who like, support and encourage me.

They on the other hand live to seek revenge, to pay back, to back-stab, hurt and humiliate. Those acts may bring them temporary happiness but they are not happy.

So, no need for me to run away or seek retaliation either. I even forgive them. I just simply want nothing to do with them any longer and keep my 'polite' distance during the occasions a few times a year when we are in the same space

I'm hoping not for your sake

I'm hoping not for your sake Maxwello9!

Yes, that is what I should

Yes, that is what I should have done hereiam but I seriously could not believe that even they would sink to that level. I stood there more in disbelief than anything else. I thought surely they must not have heard me, they couldn't possibly be that rude. Wow - still can't get over it. But that was not even the worst!!! The worst part is my sister had just had a serious eye injury. I was just coming out of two weeks of a nightmare (looks like things will be okay, so far anyway, for her) and they were aware of this

Neither DH's sister or daughter could bring themselves to muster up an ounce of class and ask how my sister, let alone me, were doing

That was a major eye-opener for me

I thought, seriously, when you went home that evening how much of a winner did you really feel?

Did it really feel wonderful to show such cruelty, such low-end barbaric behaviour

Very very sad for them