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Just don't understand DH's daughter

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Tue, 12/16/2014 - 7:52pm

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Adult Stepchildren

A few days ago a Christmas card arrives in the mail from DH's eldest daughter

Cute pic of SGS on the front, on the back she has addressed the card to "Grandpa DH & Grandma Disillusioned" completely unlike her with super mushy "can't wait to see you on Christmas" etc... etc... even signed it "Love" with lots of X0's

So unlike her and all her years of resentful angry behaviour to DH and especially me

I realize she is in one of her "up" cycles with me again, but I so don't get it!! Someone who goes years of hating the ground you walk on and making sure everyone knows it, to behaving somewhat normally for a while, back to the nasty hostility

The difference this time round is I haven't fallen for the "up cycle" and jumped backed on board kissing her ass and bending over backwards to please

This time round I have kept my distance. I'm polite and as classy as I can be, but I do not chase after a relationship with her like I have in the past. Not only because I simply do not trust her, but I have lost my desire to for that after all is said and done

I don't understand where she is coming from. It was much easier to deal with her when her hatred was obvious and she behaved in in a badly concealed way, but now that she is putting on this sweet and friendly front or whatever it is, I shake my head trying but in the end just give up understanding where she is coming from

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Tue, 12/16/2014 - 8:11pm

Could be Annith, just that she spent so many years hating me and I have no doubt still does however hidden, so surprising she would even go there with me

Stormyweather's picture

Submitted by Stormyweather on Tue, 12/16/2014 - 11:48pm

Or she is (always has been) borderline personality disorder and they cycle through valuing people (puts them on a pedestal), only to then devalue them in the blink of an eye.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 12/22/2014 - 10:17am

^^LOL

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Wed, 12/17/2014 - 7:27pm

That's interesting Stormyweather, my sister has mentioned to me on a few occasions that she thinks DH's eldest may be borderline...

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Wed, 12/17/2014 - 7:31pm

Yes I agree StepAside, definitely have my guard up, but am hoping that she might just be growing up finally like your two older SD's. Here's hoping your YSD is getting there too!

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Wed, 12/17/2014 - 8:32pm

Yes skeeter and catmom4, will be interesting to see if the behavior continues...although she seems to have been up and down like this for a while now...

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Thu, 12/18/2014 - 7:08am

I think step aside it is more likely to change if you had a decent relationship PRIOR to the war. You can look back on those good times and build on something again. Whereas someone like myself, who basically has never had any relationship with DH's daughters, the odds are much less. In fact I have a very hard time as claiming any type of relationship by referring to them as MY stepdaughters. It takes more effort to write "my DH's daughters, as opposed to SD, but I do 99 percent of the time on here!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 12/18/2014 - 7:38am

"Thanks for the card." End of discussion.

Don't sweat her motivations. You can't reason with or understand crazy.