If potential step-parents would visit sites like this and read all these posts about what happens out there,then perhaps they would think twice about the entire deal !!!
I would have understood what I was feeling, and why. I would have also understood it was not only normal, but that I wasn't wrong for having the feelings and issues I did.
I would have realized that he wasn't ready to get married yet, because too much was still undone from marriage #1.
I think I may not have gotten married. But if I had, it would have been with better information and understanding, and less senseless fighting.
Actually, I searched and found this place specifically to ensure that I was armed with more knowledge. This is my second account as my first impression of the active members at that time were not so positive. But I remained a lurker.
My own upbringing was so dramatic I was expecting the same for with my SD4s BM but so far its not happened.
But then my circumstances are different, my fiance and the BM were never married, SD was an oops that BM wanted to abort but my fiance doesnt believe in abortion. They only moved in together in attempt to make their relationship work but BM was cheating whilst SD was newborn and that was the end of it. Both my fiance and the BM stick to the CO and thus, so far theres been no drama. Ive been around for 2 years now, living together for 18months and recently engaged.
Despite my situation not being as dramatic as some, this site has still been a very useful resource for both me and my fiance.
We are aware that drama may now begin with us "officially" making a commitment, I could see BM being unhappy with me sharing the same surname as SD4 but this site not only gives us a better understanding of what could happen; both good and bad. It also gives excellent ways of dealing with and managing issues; mainly creating and maintaining strong boundaries.
Plus its an extra support system as I know there is no way Id be getting married if my fiance was incapable of keeping those boundaries, but as he so beautifully put it; I am his priority, our relationship comes first; now and always, but that A priority of us both is to the care and well-being of any and all children under our care.
Since I have a young SS I don't really have much to post about but I still read and follow with so many on here to be ready for the kid/teen/adult skid years. Right now I have it pretty easy but I know that my SS will probably go through all the same tantrums and growing pains these other skids put their smoms though. By coming here, I already know the: back and forth mommy vs daddy game, the i want to live with you but not really game, the lets call cps on Stepmom or party in her house while she's out of town game, and all the other scenarios. Im not delusional enough that my steplife will stay all sunshine and daises and so far Stalk has allowed me to label and almost predict BMs craziness because they've all been here and done that.
I wish I would've found this place sooner than I did. I've gotten some great advice here. It really helps to see that I'm not alone in how I feel about my step situation.
I don't think finding this site earlier would've stopped me from marrying into this mess. I was in love and wouldn't have thought everything that's happened could happen.
Agreed, we all go in with
Agreed, we all go in with good intentions and grand plans
I wish I had found this site
I wish I had found this site before.
I would have understood what I was feeling, and why. I would have also understood it was not only normal, but that I wasn't wrong for having the feelings and issues I did.
I would have realized that he wasn't ready to get married yet, because too much was still undone from marriage #1.
I think I may not have gotten married. But if I had, it would have been with better information and understanding, and less senseless fighting.
I think this should apply to
I think this should apply to younger readers certainly. Why anyone young would willingly marry into a stepfamily I have no clue.
I wouldn't have understood these posts if I had not first experienced similar feelings.
I know of an example of a stepfamily that works. But it involves a pretty rock solid marriage.
Stepfamilies can work but most bio dads are not up to the task.
And they just haven't really worked for me.
The problem is what are my options. Who in their forties does not have kids.
Actually, I searched and
Actually, I searched and found this place specifically to ensure that I was armed with more knowledge. This is my second account as my first impression of the active members at that time were not so positive. But I remained a lurker.
My own upbringing was so dramatic I was expecting the same for with my SD4s BM but so far its not happened.
But then my circumstances are different, my fiance and the BM were never married, SD was an oops that BM wanted to abort but my fiance doesnt believe in abortion. They only moved in together in attempt to make their relationship work but BM was cheating whilst SD was newborn and that was the end of it. Both my fiance and the BM stick to the CO and thus, so far theres been no drama. Ive been around for 2 years now, living together for 18months and recently engaged.
Despite my situation not being as dramatic as some, this site has still been a very useful resource for both me and my fiance.
We are aware that drama may now begin with us "officially" making a commitment, I could see BM being unhappy with me sharing the same surname as SD4 but this site not only gives us a better understanding of what could happen; both good and bad. It also gives excellent ways of dealing with and managing issues; mainly creating and maintaining strong boundaries.
Plus its an extra support system as I know there is no way Id be getting married if my fiance was incapable of keeping those boundaries, but as he so beautifully put it; I am his priority, our relationship comes first; now and always, but that A priority of us both is to the care and well-being of any and all children under our care.
Since I have a young SS I
Since I have a young SS I don't really have much to post about but I still read and follow with so many on here to be ready for the kid/teen/adult skid years. Right now I have it pretty easy but I know that my SS will probably go through all the same tantrums and growing pains these other skids put their smoms though. By coming here, I already know the: back and forth mommy vs daddy game, the i want to live with you but not really game, the lets call cps on Stepmom or party in her house while she's out of town game, and all the other scenarios. Im not delusional enough that my steplife will stay all sunshine and daises and so far Stalk has allowed me to label and almost predict BMs craziness because they've all been here and done that.
I wish I would've found this
I wish I would've found this place sooner than I did. I've gotten some great advice here. It really helps to see that I'm not alone in how I feel about my step situation.
I don't think finding this site earlier would've stopped me from marrying into this mess. I was in love and wouldn't have thought everything that's happened could happen.