is a school trip considered an activity?
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BM asked fiance for 1/2 of the money for a school trip.
he is supposed to pay $200 towards activities each year. is this considered an activity? he's thinking of paying the $200 (direct to the school) for the trip and telling BM she is responsible for the rest.
Hmmm. Really? If BM were not
Hmmm. Really? If BM were not low income, your half would be $500. Why do you automatically assume your portion goes down?
Hmmm. Really? If BM were not
Hmmm. Really? If BM were not low income, your half would be $500. Why do you automatically assume your portion goes down?
This 1000% It should ALWAYS
This 1000%
It should ALWAYS come down to what's best for the kid.
Our CO says we each pay half of all school expenses, and that ex-H should pay half of certain extra-currics.
I don't consider school costs "activities" they are necessities. (I guess that depends on the trip though) My ex-H tried to argue that dd12 doesn't need to go to school camp next year (first camp in High School and is considered vital by the school to help bond all the kids and develop their relationships etc) Needless to say - she is going whether he contributes or not. And speaking as a BM here, my ex can be a jackass about what he thinks is important or not, and what he will "help" pay for etc. So *I* cover most of everything because I won't see my kids miss out because their dad is a jerk.
the mother has the money.
the mother has the money. that isnt an issue.
Who said anything about
Who said anything about telling the s/kid anything??
We don't know that the trip
We don't know that the trip is an extracurricular - it may well be for a class.
He has to pay $200 a year for
He has to pay $200 a year for activities. It really shouldn't matter if he decides to make one $200 payment for one activity or pay $10 for 20 different activities.
School trips are optional therefore,I lump them with activities. There will always he kids who can't take part in school trips unless the staff/PTA foots the bill. EVen then some kids won't go because the parents aren't comfortable with sending their kids on overnight trips.
It's not wrong, it's smart.
It's not wrong, it's smart. It allows him to get deal with the $200 at one time instead of allowing mom the nickle and dime him throughout the year.
Paying the school directly,ensures that money is 6sed the way it is intended. If he is isn't required to pay half for school trips, then earmarking his required $200 for this trip isn't manipulative. Hell, he could say school trips aren't activities and tell mom she has to foot the full cost on her own.
Then the kid can't go. Or
Then the kid can't go. :?
Or mom could pick work over time, pick up a second job or ask family to help out.
What she can't do is use her financial hardship/issues to dictate how dad will allocate his $200.
all it says is $200 per year
all it says is $200 per year for "activities".
the only other piece that's explicit is travel/expenses surrounding college visits.
the other issue we have is SD14 is FAMOUS for signing up for activities then bailing on them. we have a documented history on this. that's why we've told BM all along that anything we pay for any activity is direct to the school/recreation department.
the issue with this trip is its non-refundable. if she signs up and either party pays we are out the money. im trying to figure out if there is a way we can pay the $200 the morning she gets on the bus to go! lol
i do not communicate with BM.
i do not communicate with BM.
I would really recommend that
I would really recommend that YOU do not tell ANYONE anything.
Public, private and charter
Public, private and charter schools(with kids from all social economic backgrounds) here do expensive trips. My son's middle school went to Japan($2000) during spring break when he was in the 7th grade. Many schools here have spring break and/or mid winter break (the week of President's day) to Italy, Spain, Paris or London.
here's my other thought too -
here's my other thought too - if this were my child, id be wanting them to save and contribute some nominal portion to teach them that you have to work to earn things.
in HS i had a chance to go to europe. my parents said i could go but i had to come up with half. i did and i went.
I would make the kid come up
I would make the kid come up with half of their spending money, but I would cover the full cost ofnthe trip.
That's a good idea! Maybe see
That's a good idea! Maybe see how much they can come up with and save it to give them as spending money?
What is the trip and how much
What is the trip and how much does it cost?
i cant even entertain
i cant even entertain HRNYC.
Trip total is $800 i believe. BM does always supply the flyers, info, invoices etc.
The $200 activity fee is new as of last year. SD has not done any activities since its implementation. She signed up for a camp last summer, we paid the $200 to recreation, she changed her mind, we got the $200 back. That is the PRIMARY reason why we wont give BM the money directly - SD never follows thru and we dont want to chase BM down for $200.
We could easily afford to pay for the whole thing, as could BM (she works only PT, btu receives GENEROUS child support and has zero living expenses). But just because we can afford to, doesnt mean we should. SD and her mother have given us both a hell of a year, with violations of the parenting plan and the like. The kid honestly doesnt deserve the trip because of her behavior, grades, attitude, etc., wont be interested in anything on it (its a history trip to DC) and will spend the bulk of the time on her cell phone. Were she a different kid and a serious student, we probably be willing to pay extra.
sorry, meant the $200 a year
sorry, meant the $200 a year for activities is all my fiance is court ordered to pay.
>the CS is part of the
>the CS is part of the "combined parental income"
Depends on the state. It is not always based on both incomes.
Every trip I ever went on as
Every trip I ever went on as a minor, I EXPECTED that my (married) parents would NOT have the money for them and worked my butt off at every single fundraiser I could to EARN that privilege of going on the trip. I did not automatically EXPECT to go on everything or EXPECT that my parents had the cash for it.
Why only $200 a year for
Why only $200 a year for activities?
Why anything for extra curricular activities? Except for medical, nothing beyond CS was even addressed in my DH's divorce decree/CO.
Technically, CS is a figure based on what EACH parent should contribute to raise the child so any activities can come out of that; CS is not just for food and shelter.
Why do some of these custodial BMs feel that dads should pay extra for the extras? Had my DH had the income for "extras", that would have been reflected in higher child support. His CS was not a high amount compared to some because he.did.not.have.it. So no, there was no paying for extras (not that either of his kids ever did anything).
OP, your SO should tell BM he will pay 200.00 and she can decide if she's paying the rest or if SD is not going.
for the first several year he
for the first several year he had zero responsibility for activites. he opted to take this $200 a year contribution over increased CS (the way better choice in my opinion, and further illustrates BM's stupidity in accepting it!)
I wasn't questioning you
I wasn't questioning you about it, Calypso, I was responding to tommar's question about why ONLY 200.00 for activities. The word "only" implies she thinks it should be more.
I guess my only question is
I guess my only question is WHY he's considering paying $200 and no more towards the trip. Is it because he feels the trip isn't really worthwhile for SD? (Totally possibly, some school trips are total fluff.) Or because SD doesn't really deserve "extras" like this? (Also possible, misbehaving teens certainly don't deserve optional fun trips!) Or is because he doesn't like BM?
If the reason he doesn't want to pay more than $200 is something to do with SD herself, then yeah, totally reasonable. (Or if he can't afford it, or the reason is more financial in nature, of course.) On the other hand, if the reason he doesn't want to pay more than $200 is because of BM, then I'd advise him to step back and reframe the question to himself. The question isn't "do I want to give BM money?" (TOTALLY agree that he should pay the school directly, by the way!) The question is "do I want to pay for my kid to go on this trip?"
I totally get not wanting to pay more than ordered. And I know sometimes kids ask for WAY more than they should get. If this were, say, "I want you to pay for horseback riding lessons" then I think I'd be more inclined to say no. A school trip though... I dunno, I think that's different.
i explained further back that
i explained further back that it has to do with SD14's behavior, attitude, grades, etc.
in fact, the activity fee came to be because he did not want SD14 to play sports last year as she nearly failed out. when he denied it (on perfectly legit grounds IMO) BM ran to her lawyer.
I would say it is fair to
I would say it is fair to call it an activity. I would pay the $200 with a check with a note as to what it is for so that if sd bails on the trip, they can just use it for something else.
I wouldn't pay more than the $200, because obviously the child support system determined that in calculating CS, the 200 is the only additional money dh has to put towards things like this.
Did we ever find out what the
Did we ever find out what the trip actually is for/to?
Its a 5 night trip to DC.
Its a 5 night trip to DC. Optional.
Pulling teeth - for a class?
Pulling teeth - for a class? For an activity she is in? What is the planned itinerary? Is it educational or fun-time? All of that would matter/make a difference to me, as a parent.
its a general class trip with
its a general class trip with an educational component, but again, SD wont take advantage of that. she will have her nose buried in her phone and the focus will be all social.
she's also never been away from home for more than 1 night. she often refuses to sleep at our house, and the only other overnights have been church trips. she never sleeps over at friends houses and we don't think she can even handle being away that long.
This thread is just cracking
This thread is just cracking me up, because my daughter's dance classes per month are close to $200. And no, her dad doesn't pay any "extra" for this. Although where I live, both incomes are considered, and extras for children in elite sports or arts programs can be added on top of child support. It's to protect a child who is already in these programs with years of work behind them where a parent can just drop them like a hot potato. Because...it happens.