Favorites!
My husband and I have been together for over 5 years. We have my SS9 and we have one together, he's 2. My inlaws do anything and everything for SS9 - whatever he wants, he gets. SS lives with his mother. My BS who shares the SAME dad, gets little to no attention from them. I have brought this up several times and told I'm crazy they love both the same. I indicate they don't show it. They take SS to do special outings all the time. They promised to show me that BS mattered and would take him to an event back in October. The event came and went, instead they went to SS soccer games. Not only did they go to one of his games, they went to EVERY soccer game SS had and the drive to get to them was one hour one way. They live 10 minutes from me, husband and our son together. I have asked them repeatedly to spend time with BS and they indicate they are busy and have too much going on. The only times they have taken BS for a few hours (which I can count on one hand since he's been born) has been when we have had SS with us too and they wanted SS so they took BS then too but only to their house and would return BS within a few hours and then take SS to do something fun like a movie or park. They buy SS video games and take them to his moms because we told them the boys needed treated equally and even go behind our back and ask SS BM to spend extra time with SS.
They even asked SS BM if they could bring him to a family function this past weekend when it wasn't our time with SS. BS and I ended up spending the entire time outside because BS wanted to play outside while everyone else stayed inside playing with SS (including husband!). SS never acknowledged me, never even said hi to his half-brother or anything. Inlaws only spent 5 minutes with BS, enough to say hi and spent the rest of the day and had SS spend the night with them.
Any tips or advice on how to deal with SS being favorite? I've tried talking with them about it, but obviously those attempts have failed. BS is starting to get old enough to realize Bubba gets to go with them and he doesn't and cries now. Just don't understand why my baby boy is left out and not special to them.
well yes a 2 year old and a 9
well yes a 2 year old and a 9 year old are completely different but the real question is ....did the grandparents treat ss the same they are now than when he was 2?....i can understand if they werent that way with ss when ss was 2 and then gradually over time they started being more present in ss's life ...and if thats the case you shouldnt have anything to worry about...but if the grandparents have been consistent in ss's life even at 2 with taking him to places and sleep overs and what not still at the age of 2 then id be fucking pissed.
Ricky, appreciate that
Ricky, appreciate that insight; however, they admit that they have always had overnights with SS9 since he was born. I know from stories they used to take him to do activities at this age such as play dates at the park, McDonalds, pumpkin patches, viewing Christmas lights or just taking him to visit other family members. BS gets none of that. The grandparents are also in good physical shape so even though my toddler is younger, they are able to handle it.
Even my husband has asked on his own without me mentioning it to him - he asks why his second son gets different treatment especially since he was around the 9 year old all his life, he knows what they did for the 9 year old in the early years. Pictures also show they did a lot for him. It's very obvious that SS is the golden boy.
Then let your BS be your
Then let your BS be your golden boy. You can't change how they are. If it bothers you that much, do family holidays at your house, stay away from the IL's and don't invite them. It's sad, my mother does the same to my kids, the oldest is her baby while my youngest barely knows her. Nothing I can do to make her a better grandma, I'm there for both equally and so is their dad.
Thanks Evil, I do try to do
Thanks Evil, I do try to do that - unfortunately for me, DH wants kids treated fairly at our house. Wanted to make some family Christmas ornaments this weekend, but we couldn't because SS wasn't there and DH didn't want him left out. Wanted to take BS on a Polar Express train ride around Christmas, but that's a weekend we have SS so DH said no because then SS would be left out. Even though he realizes SS is favorite by his parents, he wants them treated fairly at our house by us. Makes it very hard on me.
I concur with your last line,
I concur with your last line, he's definitely got blinders on some days. I do like that he wants them treated fairly, but at the same time it's not always possible and SS has had 9 years of special times so BS needs memories too. There are times when I think he gets it and others we're back to square one. I just wait for the right times to get things in motion these days. I know it's rough on him not being able to have both boys together all the time, but that wasn't my fault or BS son's fault either. It just is what it is. The fact that he's seeing his parents favor SS is a stepping stone for me although sometimes he does the same. A learning event all around.
Kmetz, that royally sucks! I
Kmetz, that royally sucks! I see that as my future ... MIL and FIL came up the day after BS was born, FIL held BS but MIL refused to. Yet she never hesitates to remind me she was there for the birth of SS9 and gave him his first bottle and stayed with husband and then wife that night.
Notasm, I try to keep that in mind. Inlaws are great people, just hurts to see they do this to darling son.
Sometimes it's just the first
Sometimes it's just the first child/grandchild gets all the attention, regardless of the parents. Parents sometimes do this with their first child as well. The newness/excitement is less the second time around. My co-worker does this. He has three children but you'd hardly know it if you listened to him talk. The only one he ever talks about is the first one.
Guessing so - another theory
Guessing so - another theory a friend had was because he's a child of divorce so they want to always over include him in their lives since BS has both parents. Just amazes me how it turns out.
That's another good idea. I
That's another good idea. I don't think they even realize they are doing it.
Exactly, they do talk about
Exactly, they do talk about how poor SS isn't here for this or that. I remind them that SS gets 2 Christmas' events so he gets double presents on both sides and two birthday parties a year because BM doesn't believe we should co parent and get a long. SS is a good manipulator like his BM so he knows how to work them to feel guilty for him, he'll tell them how his brother at his BM's house got a new game, but he didn't so Inlaws will run out and buy him a $60 video game. I try to remind them that SS has two families and gets double attention and twice the gifts that BS gets by having one family. They just don't get it. They made sure to bring SS to family thanksgiving this weekend, but when asked if BS was going to get to go the response was "well, if you all come he will be." If DH and I hadn't gone to family thanksgiving BS wouldn't have been able to go see the same family that SS has. Almost didn't bother going but MIL made me feel guilty saying that BS won't get to know that side of the family if I didn't bring him. Funny, took him and no one really noticed he was there anyway because MIL had brought SS and he was center of attention.
Tommar, I do think you have a
Tommar, I do think you have a point that it might be me, but not for those reasons. Because I actually spend time and raise my son; whereas SS BM uses him as a money ticket for extra food stamps and child support income.
My deal is don't tell me you want to take my son to a pumpkin patch for a special outing (which was open for 6 weeks), and then text me from SS's soccer games each weekend telling me the score of the game instead. Then on the final weekend of the pumpkin patch, text me and tell me you plan on going to SS's soccer game so you'd pay for me to take BS to the pumpkin patch instead so you can go watch SS play soccer. That's when I pointed out a clear sign of favoritism.