Treating one child completely different from the other.
This has been an ongoing issue and is only getting worse. 2 youngest SK's are very close in age 7 and 5 and have the same BM.
BM treats the 7yo like she has some kind of plague or something, it seriously makes me irate! BM will cuss and scream at her, ignore her, get mad at her for the same things that 5yo says or does but thinks it's so cute when 5yo does it. 7yo does it and BM is going off.
Does anyone else have to deal with this? 7yo has 3 counselors who work as a team for her and they are baffled at the things she tells them. They have no advice for this kind of dilemma. It has affected her self esteem and makes her feel like she isn't good enough. She has recently gotten to the point where she pretends not to care, she will yell back at BM and has almost cussed back at her. I know she still cares, that's her mom.
Little back story: I started coming over to help DH (friend at the time) with kids when they got home from school. 7yo would go straight to her bed and cry. I asked oldest SD (14 at the time) if she thought she had a bad day at school. Response: " no, that's what she does everyday" and went on with what she was doing like that was normal! I started making her get up. I told her that her bed was for bedtime. We started reading books together, doing nails.. just girl stuff that she wanted to do with BM or older STEPSISTER but it was never done with her, only 5yo.
About a month later I got a phone call from the school counselor asking me what had changed in her life.. then counselor was calling me weekly with updates of how much her attitude had changed, she was doing better in school, not taking things or saying mean things, walking with her head up and smiling. She said it was like SD was a different kid.
Fast Forward about 3 years..BM doesn't call often, but when she does it's like all she wants to do is tear SD down. WTH.
Some people pick one of their
Some people pick one of their kids to be their own personal whipping boy. Sorry to hear this story.
It's emotional abuse (one of
It's emotional abuse (one of the many forms of abuse BM does) and I wish the courts would look into it more.
Awe congrats!! I'm very
Awe congrats!! I'm very thankful that my BK's are totally mine and I don't have to share them with the BF. (Not to sound rude) but they are better off.
That is sad. At least she has
That is sad. At least she has someone positive to do things with and to look up to!
wow that's horrible, I'm so
wow that's horrible, I'm so sorry for you and your SD's. That's emotional abuse.
I have noticed a few times that when 5yo says something to BM that she doesn't like, BM will turn her attention onto 7yo like she's punishing 5yo.
BM has limited access to them and still tries her hardest to get them against me. They are with DH and I full time and she has supervised visits to which she rarely shows, but when she does, she walks in my house like she owns the place. I document EVERYTHING because BM lies so much she can't remember which lie she last told.
The visits will soon be switched to a professional 3rd party, Thank Goodness.
I hope so! Thank you.
I hope so! Thank you.
We deal with this too, its
We deal with this too, its very sad and all too common! BM2 prefers sd to ss all the time. SS was at the table doing work and SD wanted the table to do play doh at, so ss was sent to his bed to his homework. We believe too because the penmanship was like shit on those papers, and that is not like him. That is just one example. SS also got punished for eating the last of something when it should have gone to sd, wtf? Why? Because she cries "mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" and I think BM2 loves it. She falls and starts to cry "mamaaaaaaaaaaaaa" here til she realizes mama is not here to run to her then snaps out of it.
Wow.. I hate hearing of
Wow.. I hate hearing of others in this situation but at the same time it's nice to know we aren't alone. I just don't understand it. SD7 is big for her age but even when she wasn't, BM would make her sit on the floor while BM and SD5 sat on the bed, cuddled, ate and watched movies together. One of BM's favorite names for SD7 is "fat little bitch" even when SD was 3yo. I could go on and on but I won't. It makes me so sick.
It's good that your SD knows that she doesn't get away with that stuff at your house.
It is possible that neither
It is possible that neither SD belong to DH. This subject has been brought up by BM many times but she only wants paternity done on SD5. BM has treated SD7 like crap her entire life.
BM sat at my table one day with SD's and went on and on about how beautiful SD5 was, going over every facial feature with her. BM then looked over at SD7 and said "ok now you can look, oh you look just like me" **crickets.
I do totally get your points and they are very valid but that's been covered. I have no clue why she does this.. BM even gets mad at SD7 for not feeling sorry for her.
Narcissistic Borderline
Narcissistic Borderline Personality disordered people do this...its called triangulation where they play one off against the other in a "golden child" vs "scape goat" sort of situation. Its how they ensure there is a continual supply of drama/attention for the BM (even if its bad attention)
This makes a lot of sense bc
This makes a lot of sense bc in BM's case, when she doesn't get SD7 feeling sorry for her like she wants, BM gets to pull the pity me card and "you have my kids brainwashed" Which sadly is the only time BM acknowledges SD7.
Sadly my bs is the "whipping
Sadly my bs is the "whipping boy" over at his dads house. The sm over there joins right in. And double sad my bd isnt too kind to her brother either.
Lots of verbal and emotinal abuse. Starting to touch that fine line of physical.
So sorry to hear that. It is
So sorry to hear that. It is really hard when they have different rules in the different households.
they call it the
they call it the scapegoat/golden child dynamic of dysfunctional families. It is a way to control everyone and that is why she treats them that way. It may seem like one child is being treated well, but the scapegoat is there as a reminder of where they will land if they fail to please the parent. The golden child never gets to be themselves and is never loved for who they are. Both kids lose. Its so messed up.