Locked in the bedroom
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As soon as my fiance's oldest son shows up, I just immediately grab my laptop and retreat to the bedroom. There is no hi or hellos (from either me or him). I just immediately grab my shit and lock myself in. Right now it is just me, my dog and cat hanging out.
Seriously, I am at the point where I don't even want to deal with him at all anymore. Not one bit. I don't care if I ever am on speaking terms with him again. I only hope that he doesn't knock up his nasty girlfriend from hell, because then I will have a whole other set of problems to deal with. I think at that point I may just move out!
Question. Why are you staying
Question. Why are you staying in a relationship where you imprison yourself whenever your fiance's son shows up??
Are you sure being with your fiance is worth it??
Is your DF open to requesting
Is your DF open to requesting that his son must call first before coming over? Also making sure the son does not have a house key, but must knocked and be allowed in?
You/DF should be able to have notice of 'company' coming and have the option of telling SS/son that now is not a good night. You shouldn't be made to feel you have to run and hide in bedroom because DF's son decides to just pop in with his rude and intrusive unannounced arrival and behavior. I understand your DF is wheelchair bound and would be and can't just drive off to visit with his son elsewhere. That shouldn't mean though that his son shouldn't have to use some manners and be expected to call before coming.
Sometimes may just not be a good time and other times it would give you (yourself) a chance to make other plans for your evening (leaving the guys to chat while you do something much more pleasant or at least prepare yourself with some comforts and something to do while waiting SS visit out).
No adult child should feel they can just come when they please (nor do what they please while visiting) when they desire to see their parent. It shouldn't be a sense of entitled admittance just because it's Dad's house. Dad has a live-in that needs to be considered in 'company' arriving or not also.
My DH wanted to give his kids
My DH wanted to give his kids keys to our house. Um.....NO! We have a digital lock on our back door with a 4 digit code. I got that so my kids didn't need a key that they could lose etc. I can also change it at whim to keep my ExH the hell out as well. DH wanted SS17 to have the code, too. NOPE.
He doesn't live here. He only visited once a month or so - now not at all (Thank you GOD!) I don't make a habit of giving my key code out to drug addict visitors...I'm quirky like that.
DH got over it. SS17 is absent and I haven't needed to change my code in a year!
Thanks all! I love this
Thanks all! I love this site! Anyway I will have to have a talk with DF about his kid calling before he comes over. It is tough though, because his brother still lives with us. So he can always say that he is just visiting his brother. Ugh!
At this point the kid's girlfriend is completely banned from the house, which is a good thing. I told my DF that it is bad enough I have to deal with his kid. No way will I deal with the rude, nasty girlfriend too! One time she did show up with DF's son, after she was banned. To my fiance's credit, he completely ignored her. She got the hint and left. lol She has not been back since.
You can think of yourself as
You can think of yourself as being locked in the bedroom, or you can think of yourself as having repaired to your own private retreat. Maybe it's a simple matter of framing the issue one way or the other, or maybe it's a matter of what kind of personality you have. I enjoy quiet time to myself; and while I like a good conversation, and enjoy a lively party from time to time, being around a lot of people too much makes me want to claw my eyeballs out. So when skid is here, I repair to my own private retreat. It's filled with lots of nice things to read, pretty scented candles, and the best linens I can afford. Nice place to get away from the BS.
As to the territorial thing, it is real, and it's not just about occupying space. It's about occupying people, so maybe it could be called possessiveness, too.
Skid stayed with us for three horrible months last summer. DH had just started a new job working swing shift. He's not an old guy, but he's not a young man, either, and he took some time adjusting to his sleep cycle shifting several hours. I work normal hours, so usually hit the sack a couple of hours before DH gets home.
Skid developed this routine of going out in the evenings (instead of moping around the house constantly, as is his usual wont), and then when I went to bed he'd come back and wait up for his Dad. The 2 of them would stay up until 2 or 3 AM. It began to irritate me because DH was being a goof by not saying look, kid, I need some sleep, and skid was being an insensitive jerk (Asperger's strikes again) because he apparently couldn't see that his Dad was exhausted and needed to get to bed.
One night toward the end of the 3-month ordeal I popped out of my private retreat, all bright and cheery and sociable, just as the party was starting. The look on skid's face was priceless. DH managed to get to bed at a decent hour that night, which was great, and I demonstrated that I wasn't locked in the bedroom at all, but actually could join them whenever I chose. Best of all, skid suddenly found another place to stay for the remaining 2 weeks of his "visit." It was pure bliss.