Where will I live...eenie, meenie, miney, WRONG!
All I can say is, thankfully, my SD20's maternal grandmother was a WHORE! She recently passed away due to a terrible disease, and because she had an affair with the owner of one of the local steel companies, SD20 was the recipient of a memorial scholarship from that steel company in her grandmother's name. She would've never received a scholarship any other way because her grades didn't warrant it. Said scholarship is a full ride...books, tuition, and college dorm. The little GENIUS has now decided that she doesn't like living in the dorm, doesn't want to move back in with her precious mother, and isn't allowed in my house because of her hateful ways. Soooo...she's decided that she's going to rent an apartment downtown with her boyfriend. She made this decision with absolutely ZERO forethought as to the expenses that she would be responsible for, no thought that she was giving up a free place to stay, and thinks that her paycheck that she gets from waitressing part time is hers to blow as she sees fit and shouldn't have to be spent on petty things like rent, utilities or food. He father is on his way to the bank at this moment to pull out $400 to give her so that she can pay her half of the deposit, and she still hasn't realized that she'll be responsible for deposits with the electric and gas companies. I have never seen anyone who was so irresponsible! I guess there's no learning experience like jumping in head first to teach you the way NOT to do things. He's reading her the riot act about these expenses right now, I'm sure. He can't afford to keep her and her boyfriend up indefinitely, and she needs to understand that either she's going to have to go back to the dorm, or to her mother's if she can't make ends meet.
You're right to be scared. DH
You're right to be scared. DH needs to put the pen away, now, this semester. Kids with straight A's in excellent, marketable majors sometimes have trouble finding work after school. You and DH are going to get stuck paying off this skid's loans.
If he can't prove to you that he's stopped co-signing, you know what you have to do.
I just got sick to my stomach
I just got sick to my stomach for you. I'm wondering if you realize exactly what this means. PLEASE have separate bank accounts... I'm serious, I think I'm going to lose sleep over this, I simply would not go along for that ride.
Separate bank accounts... A
Separate bank accounts... A legal divorce... A large life insurance policy on your SD and the number to a guy that can make it look like an accident...
Alternatively have your DH declared mentally unstable to save your marriage and ability to survive on more than dog kibble underneath the local bridge!
Sounds like my SIL. She
Sounds like my SIL. She lived with us for her freshman year and we paid her college costs. That deal was offered when Oregon decided that the way to save money was to lower the graduation requirements. SIL was in the class that could either graduate under the old or the new requirements. On the first day of her JR year in high school the counselor called her to his office and informed her that if she took an extra 1 credit class she could graduate at the end of her JR year. My ILs had to sign their approval. My bride begged her parents not to sign because SIL had maturity issues and was at best functionally illiterate. She was reading and writing at the ~5th grade level. She had some bullshit learning disability that she used to get sympathy grades from her teachers.
SIL did graduate a year early. She could not get into college so my DW pulled some strings with her alma matter to get SIL in and we offered for her to come live with us and we would pay for her college. The benefit to us was at the time SS was in after school care to the tune of $450/mo and we were paying $150/mo for lawn care. SIL was to be home when the Skid got home from school, do the yard work, and some basic house cleaning. She lived as a member of our family, went on vacation with us, to dinner with us, etc...
For that year we had a constant battle with SIL to go to class on time, turn in quality work, and deliver on her side of the commitment. My bride proof read all of her work and forced her to repeatedly edit and revise. She was an A-B student. At the end of that year she told us we were mean and moved back home after she turned 18. We had bee named her guardian so we had to go to court to dissolve the guardianship. She eventually went back to school, took out more than $80K of loans and never graduated because of her crappy grades. She rarely went to class and if she did she was usually late, she flunked several classes and never retook them, and she turned in crap work since my bride was not there to ride her ass. She and her DH are always on the ragged edge of foreclosure on their house, repossession of their vehicles and are so delinquent on her school loans that they will never pay them back.
If she would have stuck to our agreement she would have graduated in 2008 and would now have her teaching cert and working as a teacher. She was kicked out of the school of education at her home university due to her crappy grades.
We put up the deposits for
We put up the deposits for rent and utilities and osd kept all the deposits when she married and moved out. I feel for you. Don't expect any appreciation for the deposits and don't expect them to be returned to you. That's all part of being irresponsible.
Although your DH may be
Although your DH may be reading her the riot act, he is also ENABLING her shitty choices with his pulling out $400 to give to her. If she didn't HAVE the deposit for an apartment, wouldn't she have to stay in the dorms?
I couldn't agree more. I
I couldn't agree more. I think him giving her the money to pay the deposit was a horrible mistake. Of course, you can't make him see that. He did tell her that maybe she would learn something about making rash decisions in the future and that he wouldn't always be able to help her because that well was running dry. Even though he is usually quite thrifty, he rolls over and gets off his wallet anytime she wants him to. He won't have any choice but to prove that he won't be able to help her because he won't be able to help himself if he has to keep forking out the cash for her living expenses.
I can hear your SD20 now,
I can hear your SD20 now, saying, "It's not MY fault my waitress job doesn't pay me more!" or ......"I CAN'T work more hours AND take classes at the SAME TIME!"
It's always someone else's fault. Own up, Skids, own up. SD19 does this shit now. She has a college fund and a trust left to her by BM. The trust can be used ONLY for education until she is 25 with a degree or 30 without a degree. I put my foot down the other day and told DH I am itemizing every damn expense for her in 2015, down to the premiums I pay for medical that come out of my pay every month. No way am I going to fork over more money for a whining SD19 when she is worth more now than DH and I will ever be in our lifetime.
Good thing she doesn't know that part. }:)
~ Moon