my adult skids think "my" money is "their" money
I was widowed in 1999 when my sons were 12 and 15. I received a bit of insurance money and receive my late husband's pension. I'm not rich by any means, and consider the insurance money "my son's money" since it came from their dad. I plan to use it to help them out to buy a house when the time comes or for any other emergencies, and then to leave the money to them when I die.
I remarried 8 years ago to a man who has 3 adult children. We all get along very well, but the money issue is a problem. My husband and his children seem to think that "my sons money" is "mine and my new husband's" money and often ask for assistance. We have been supporting his 22 year old daughter for a year and his 29 year old son has been living with us for 8 months, works only part time and doesn't seem in any hurry to work hard, get a car (yes, he uses ours, inconveniencing us) and move out. My husband seems to feel guilty about divorcing their mom and wants to give his kids whatever they ask for. However, the money he gives to his kids comes from the budget that he and I live on, which affects me. Whenever we run short on the bills, I end up taking money out of "my sons" account to make up for the deficit. My sons, by the way, have been self-supporting for years and the only money I give them is when I WANT to give it to them, not because they Need it to pay rent, car payments, insurance, food, etc.
i love my husband dearly. This problem has been somewhat recent (last 3-4 years) but I am at my wit's end. When I try to remind him that he is not doing his kids any favors by supporting them and not making them responsible for themselves, he falls to pieces and doesn't want to discuss it. I love his kids, but I can't continue to supplement them (as their mother still does). I don't know how much longer I can live with the difference in our parenting styles. I thought that these problems would be over once all of our kids were 22+. Thank you for letting me vent. I am making an appointment to see a marriage counselor tomorrow.
Please please please don't
Please please please don't dip into your sons' money to subsidize other adults. And make sure your husband has a life insurance policy naming you as beneficiary.
If he is not taking care of
If he is not taking care of the household first, then let the bills go late or unpaid and have your H deal with it.
He seriously needs to nut up, give the lazy ass living with you 30 days notice to move out and stop handing over cash to his other kids.
Ridiculous. And they expect you to pay for everything.
As the others said, put it in a trust fund. Or better yet, use it to make your escape. Because at this poin in the gain I'm willing to bet your H is not going to change his habits.
^^^THIS^^^ - plus the trust
^^^THIS^^^ - plus the trust fund to lock up the insurance money for your sons. Then insist on a deadline for the deadbeats to leave. Another thing - make sure DH is contributing to a supplemental retirement fund or you will end up like me: If anything happens to DH I will have to divorce him to save my nest egg which I worked so hard for.
You were in receipt of this
You were in receipt of this money BEFORE the marriage...therefore your new husband has no legal right to it!!
Lock the money away in trust as others have said, or even give it to your sons early...to me, hell would freeze over long before I even gave and of my SKids a single penny of my kids entitlement!! Your sons dad left it for YOU and HIS kids....not some scroungers after an easy life....
My SSs are the same, and my SD7.....they think that cos I have always worked full time and earned good money, that they are entitled to be funded by me...OH luckily agrees with me....its HIS job to provide, and if HE is skint whilst im having shopping sprees, thats my business...not his and defo NOT his kids!
Remove the money, remove the temptation!
thank you, everyone. I
thank you, everyone. I really appreciate your responses and your suggestions. I think I just needed support that I am justified in feeling resentful for the situation I am in. I also needed to acknowledge that I have created my own monster. Being uncomfortable with confrontation, I was hesitant to address the problem. But now I have confirmed that I am responsible for the situation getting out of hand. Thank you for being supportive and for giving me encouragement to do what I need to do to rectify the situation. I really appreciate help from those of you who have been in a similar situation and have been brave enough to do whatever it takes to protect yourselves and your children. You are such an inspiration! Thank you.
My one and thank god only
My one and thank god only skid is not a loser by any means, and his Dad doesn't permit him to be openly rude to me. But even so, I have carefully arranged to not give the kid a cent of my money or my bios' money. I haven't worked my whole life, and my now-deceased ex didn't work his whole life, to support someone else's offspring.
Why would anyone expect anything different? The fact that your skids are entitled bums just makes their expectations all the more outrageous. Get your money and your bios' Dad's money out of their reach, any way you can.
Good grief, the nerve of some people.
Wow, like everyone else said,
Wow, like everyone else said, shut this down now! I would refuse to take any money at all out of your savings. If the bills are late, then let your husband deal with it. Some people don't want to work for a living, and expect everyone else to pick up the bill!