I know it's long. I'm venting. Any advice would be welcome. 5 years ago I met my DH. His children were 17 and 19. Both liked me. I have no children.
I welcomed both kids. When I first met them both seem great. As time when on, I learned the
Truth. DH is a kind and generous man. Worked hard all of his life. BM is uncaring who came from
Dysfunction. The likes of which I’ve never seen. BM walked away from all of them and has very littlecontact with children. BM is a screamer and yeller, but never followed through with any discipline. DH is quite the opposite. He would walk to the moon to avoid a conflict and threw money and “stuff” at everyone. BM quit working as soon as she met DH. So here he is paying for her to live a lavish life style while he deals with these kids. DH never wanted kids. He said he was happy with the dogs, but keeping with is personality he fathered two children because BM wanted them. SS was born with a very low IQ. He learned how to weld, but lacks the responsibility to hold a job. We sent him to a rehab because he smoked so much pot he lost his job and got lazy. DH pays for him to see a Psyc. He’s on meds, for anxiety/depression but still has no direction. After rehab he lived with us (in the house I already had) I gave him 4 months. He could live with us rent free. I told him all he had to do was get a job and Start a saving/checking account and find an apartment Nothing. He never looked. I gave him a deadline when he first came.
When that date came I told him he had to go. I didn’t throw him out. I told him I gave him he didn’t hold up his end of the Bargain so he had to go. I told him he is welcome to visit or join us for dinner, but he needs to find his own place to live. He is 24 years old. He has nothing to do with his mother. She has a million dollar house on a lake but never has the kids visit.
Once BM found out he wasn’t perfect she didn’t really want anything to do with him. SD seemed like a great kid. Her last year of high school she started to skip. I told her if she went to school and did well I would take her to CA to Visit my parents when I went. This is when I started catching her in lies. She skipped, I caved in and took her to CA anyway. I found out she was skipping school all along. She would come to my house let herself in then watch tv, buy movies and eat all day.I caught her stealing. Money, candles, clothes etc. She also stole from my DH’s mother and sister. I was brought up in a very loving Trusting home. I talk to my parents a few times a week and visit when I can. The older I get the more I’m like my mom. I don’t put
Up with lying, stealing or dishonesty. Because I “called” my SD on her lies and caught her, she now doesn’t like me. I’m the mean one. No, I just finally realized she only wanted to be friends because I have a wallet. I refuse to be used. She has nothing to do with her BM. I told her that Her BM might not be perfect but she should at least attempt to have a relationship. If it works good if it doesn’t at least she knows she tried. She never tried. I asked SD if something happened to her Mother would she feel guilty for not having talked to her for so long. she coldly said no. That's it just no. I think you have the picture. Two kids had one parent who screamed all of the time and one who buried himself in his work to avoid the nonsense. He was the cash cow. Now DH is paying $$$$ alimony to BM for the next 8 years,because she never worked. Oh yeah, and she was a stay at home mom who put these kids in daycare full time very early on. SD is living in the second story of a two family house that DH owns. He’s given her his car, and he only hears from her when She wants something. She is disrespectful to me. Example: I told her not to talk to her father that way (she said the f work to him) When I said that
She said the f word to me too, and told me she sold the bracelet I bought her for Christmas on ebay. Funny. A few months later I saw her wearing it. I said, “ I thought you sold that”… I didn’t get an answer. She lies about everything not just to get out of trouble, but she makes up stories about friends getting sick or having broken bones. I truly believe she is a sociopath. She’s cold and manipulative. Can be very charming at too, but it’s all an act. She came to our wedding Dressed in leggings and boots. She brought a guy with her who was dressed camo. She stayed for about a half hour. I am disappointed. I really thought I could have a good relationship with her. I thought I was brining my parent’s two more grandchildren. Not the case. I told the SD that I try to make her life Easier. I’ve taken her places, I’ve done things with her. I’ve tried to guide her in the right direction and to go to college. She dropped out. The non credit math and non credit English was just too hard. She’s lazy has had everything handed to her has no work ethic. She was fired from two jobs (if you can call working part time at a dog kennel a job) because she stole from them. She’s been at this place for almost a year. Let’s hope she doesn’t steal again. So here I am, I’ve tried to tell DH that he needs to command respect, but I guess he’s used to being screamed at by his ex, and disrespected by his kids. He just wants everyone to get along. Unfortunately I can’t. I’m sick of hearing how since I have no children I don’t understand. No, I understand that just because you have an off spring it doesn’t mean you allow them to use and manipulate you. I swear he never hears from his kids unles they want something. He didn't even get a call on fathers day. No card no acknowledgement. nothing. But that week the engine light came on he got a text. I said "engine lights on again" It's his car he pays insurance and she put a sticker on the back that says caution driver may be maturbating. How rude is that? She has no self repect. I told him to sign the care over and make her responsible for the insurance, reg and repairs. If she cant afford it she can find a real job. I flat out told his daughter I don’t put up with lying and stealing. If she wants my friendship she needs be honest. I carry the Medical benefits for his kids. I told her to use them pay the $35.00 and get counseling. So what do I do for birthdays and Christmas? Do I have to give these ungrateful kids anything? Holidays have become awkward. I really don’t want to be around them. I’m sick of watching DH enable these people and be manipulated It down right disgusts me to see how his kids treat him. What do I do? Give a gift and resent it? Keep giving even though it’s not appreciated? It’s bad enough I cover their insurance. Both should ago on Obama care and get off my plan, but both kids are oblivious to how to do this. Neither one is engaged in the real world. What I've written here although long is just the tip of the iceberg. I can tell you many more underhanded things that have been done to both my DH and myself. Any advice as to how to get these people to become self sufficient repectful adults please let me know. Thank you.