Should SD9 who is only here one week every couple months have the bigger bedroom because she is older? Or should the BD1.5 have the bigger bedroom because she has more things?
The baby is one and a half? By the time she is nine, SD will be out of the house and baby girl can have the big room. I would probably let the big girl have the big room. I wouldn't want her to feel marginalized when she's with us. It's more age appropriate. Then both girls would have the big room at age 9. Fair to everybody. The little one won't care or notice until she's about that age anyway.
Or...you could call the big room "the nursery" and not a bedroom at all. Then you can revisit the decision when baby girl gets, oh, say, her own big girl bed. Maybe switch rooms at that time, just when SD is getting to be a teen. The timing will be perfect and it will be a natural "new phase" point for both girls.
Only you know the specifics of your situation, but that's the answer that occurs to me at first blush.
The full time child should have the bigger room. It makes no sense to have a room sit empty most of the time when there's a full time child who could be using it.
If it were me, I would probably let the 9 year old have the bigger room BUT when she is not there, I would let the baby use it as a playroom or whatever. I would not just let it sit and be of no use when the 9 year old is only there every couple of months.
Decisions like this should be made according to what works best for the whole family, not what one child feels he/she is entitled to. If it makes sense for the younger full-time child to have the bigger bedroom, you should do that regardless of age. If SD thinks thats unfair, kindly remind her that unlike the baby, she has two rooms.
If it were me, I would probably let the older child have the bigger room. My 2 year old is rarely in his room other than to sleep and my stepkids are getting to the age where having a space of their own to hang out with friends will be important.
SD is 9 and only comes over 1 week a month. By the time she's 16, she won't be spending a lot of time with any of you as she'll have her own social circle.
And there is no guarantee you will be in this house when she's 18 and your own DD will want a bigger room.
Your DD is 1.5, the smaller room is fine for now. A lot of the logistics may change over the course of the next few years.
I have a feeling this is not what is causing problems in your marriage right now, but only the issue where you're both drawing a line in the sand. You and your H may want to get some marriage counseling to get to the core of the problem and resolve it before it causes any more rifts in your relationship.
The full time child should get the biggest room, its simple logic. However, it is also logic that the child that is old enough to spend time alone in their room has the larger room. At this point, what would be the point in putting a 1.5 year old into the biggest room when that child only sleeps in their room?
To me it is at the point that a child starts to independently play in their room, including the going up and downstairs alone that they "need" a room to accommodate their toys.
Im not sure about your home set up but here there is only SDstb4, the majority of her toys are downstairs, yes we are fortunate to have a play room so she is often in there but she has very few toys in her room because she only sleeps there.
It makes little sense to me to give a larger room to the child who is there a week every two months. Taking into consideration that such a short amount of time in your home probably equates to not a lot of stuff kept in your home for the older child (the usual, bed and dresser and perhaps the assorted kid décor and a few toys). If the older child comes once every two months naturally she is going to have and want the vast majority of her personal possessions where she spend the other 7-8 weeks of the two months.
On the other hand, toddler who lives in the home 24/7 is going to have a lot more toys, clothes and room clutter-uppers. Giving this child the smaller room perhaps means having to store/keep part of her possessions and necessities tucked in other various parts of the home. Why should the rest of the home be intruded upon by 'bedroom stuff' scattered here and there?
If the older child were to be there much more of the time, yes the bigger room as the older the child gets the more time she will spend in the room and the more items she will gather. I would explain to DH that the room decision isn't about the age or the fact one is a stepchild to you, but that it is more practical to have the kid there the most and with the most stuff needs the larger space. You're not trying to displace his oldest daughter nor down play his feelings for love for his oldest daughter, you simply have to have the home fit it's true needs...which is a fulltime toddler and a child who comes once every two months. Of course you will see to it the older child's room is comfy, pleasant and perhaps she can have some say in décor and bedding.
The decision that has to be made doesn't have to be a fight. Draw up a scaled design on paper and politely show your DH how each child's things would fit in this and that room vs the opposite. Which is more practical and still meets both child's needs?
It depends on how 'small' small is. We put the nursery in the largest bedroom because our bedrooms in our home are small, & we wanted room for all the furniture that comes with a new baby.
SD got the smaller room when we bought our house. She just has a twin bed & toys. She's here 37% of the year. The room isn't extremely small, but it is smaller but has a larger walk-in closet. It helps keep her room tidy. We knew we would have more kids, so we left the bigger room(s) for them. SD will never know a difference, since that room has always been hers & with furniture in it you can't tell.
I made a post before this one where I wrote everything out explaining our situation. It didn't post and I didn't feel like typing it all out again. But, to clarify a little, we are in the process of buying a new house. SD and BD have never been in the rooms, so there wouldn't be any moving around of rooms.
Funny you say that. My skids got the room next to our bedroom because my partner didn't want the skids to feel a 'big change' by moving rooms. My baby is in a very small room down the hall so at night when she wakes up i have to walk there...At first I was livid that the skids get the bigger room next to our bedromm but now I'm at peace with it. With the way they are so noisy their room is close to the living room so i'ma ctually glad my baby is further away.
We are planning on getting a bigger house and no way in hell will the skids get separate rooms until it's absolutely necessary (SS7 & SD5). Their room is constantly filthy and after BM declared her hate for me I have zero interest in doing anything for them. I can handle one dirty room but not 2.
My BS9 and BS14 were finally split up last year. They had been sharing a room since the divorce. I asked BS14 what he would prefer since he is older and he actually chose the small room for rational reasons.
There's not much to clean,
He's a minimalist so he doesn't really have that much stuff or clothes.
It's closer to the kitchen. lol big sellig point for him.
In the end he didn't want the bigger room.
SD16 has the smaller of the rooms in our home. Before she came to live with us full time she was only at our home every other weekend. DD7 was given the bigger room mainly becuase she has a lot more stuff and she was there full time. Now that SD16 is with us full time we never even considered moving her into the larger spare bedroom. She makes it work and we have come up with creative ways to make the space usable.
I don't think a baby needs a bigger bedroom than an older child, and honestly I don't think this has to do with the size of a bedroom. Is that the real issue? My son always and still does have the smallest bedroom. Soon he will be an only child at home, he can pick the bedroom he wants then, but it is has never been an issue.
We moved recently and my daughter had the larger room as she is with us fulltime. 2of my skids shared the smaller room as one is at uni,comes home during holidays and the othe stays 2 nights every week.
However due to the location of the larger bedroom this was a noisy room at night and so we swopped the girls and rooms around. Fulltime daughter now has the smaller room and gets sleep at night and the other two have the larger room. Visiting skid has made no comment about not being able to sleep and is out for the count all night!
My point is... What i believed would work and suit everyone didnt. SO and I discussed options and decided to swop things around to suit the family not the children.
Thank you both for your
Thank you both for your input. Unfortunately, this is causing a lot of turmoil in mine and DH's relationship.
The baby is one and a half?
The baby is one and a half? By the time she is nine, SD will be out of the house and baby girl can have the big room. I would probably let the big girl have the big room. I wouldn't want her to feel marginalized when she's with us. It's more age appropriate. Then both girls would have the big room at age 9. Fair to everybody. The little one won't care or notice until she's about that age anyway.
Or...you could call the big room "the nursery" and not a bedroom at all. Then you can revisit the decision when baby girl gets, oh, say, her own big girl bed. Maybe switch rooms at that time, just when SD is getting to be a teen. The timing will be perfect and it will be a natural "new phase" point for both girls.
Only you know the specifics of your situation, but that's the answer that occurs to me at first blush.
Ha! other responses appeared
Ha! other responses appeared while I was typing. Appears I am in the minority!
The full time child should
The full time child should have the bigger room. It makes no sense to have a room sit empty most of the time when there's a full time child who could be using it.
If it were me, I would
If it were me, I would probably let the 9 year old have the bigger room BUT when she is not there, I would let the baby use it as a playroom or whatever. I would not just let it sit and be of no use when the 9 year old is only there every couple of months.
Decisions like this should be
Decisions like this should be made according to what works best for the whole family, not what one child feels he/she is entitled to. If it makes sense for the younger full-time child to have the bigger bedroom, you should do that regardless of age. If SD thinks thats unfair, kindly remind her that unlike the baby, she has two rooms.
^^^I was going to add this.
^^^I was going to add this.
SD has another room at BM's house that she probably considers to be her room at "home". That room is more important than the room at your house.
Perfect logic
Perfect logic
If it were me, I would
If it were me, I would probably let the older child have the bigger room. My 2 year old is rarely in his room other than to sleep and my stepkids are getting to the age where having a space of their own to hang out with friends will be important.
My kid gets the bigger
My kid gets the bigger bedroom because this house is her home 100% of the time and I effing said so.
Awesome! That is, if SD is
Awesome! That is, if SD is trustworthy. Wouldn't want her torturing the little one at night alone together which is exactly what my SD would do.
I'm with those that said
I'm with those that said leave things be.
SD is 9 and only comes over 1 week a month. By the time she's 16, she won't be spending a lot of time with any of you as she'll have her own social circle.
And there is no guarantee you will be in this house when she's 18 and your own DD will want a bigger room.
Your DD is 1.5, the smaller room is fine for now. A lot of the logistics may change over the course of the next few years.
I have a feeling this is not what is causing problems in your marriage right now, but only the issue where you're both drawing a line in the sand. You and your H may want to get some marriage counseling to get to the core of the problem and resolve it before it causes any more rifts in your relationship.
The full time child should
The full time child should get the biggest room, its simple logic. However, it is also logic that the child that is old enough to spend time alone in their room has the larger room. At this point, what would be the point in putting a 1.5 year old into the biggest room when that child only sleeps in their room?
To me it is at the point that a child starts to independently play in their room, including the going up and downstairs alone that they "need" a room to accommodate their toys.
Im not sure about your home set up but here there is only SDstb4, the majority of her toys are downstairs, yes we are fortunate to have a play room so she is often in there but she has very few toys in her room because she only sleeps there.
It makes little sense to me
It makes little sense to me to give a larger room to the child who is there a week every two months. Taking into consideration that such a short amount of time in your home probably equates to not a lot of stuff kept in your home for the older child (the usual, bed and dresser and perhaps the assorted kid décor and a few toys). If the older child comes once every two months naturally she is going to have and want the vast majority of her personal possessions where she spend the other 7-8 weeks of the two months.
On the other hand, toddler who lives in the home 24/7 is going to have a lot more toys, clothes and room clutter-uppers. Giving this child the smaller room perhaps means having to store/keep part of her possessions and necessities tucked in other various parts of the home. Why should the rest of the home be intruded upon by 'bedroom stuff' scattered here and there?
If the older child were to be there much more of the time, yes the bigger room as the older the child gets the more time she will spend in the room and the more items she will gather. I would explain to DH that the room decision isn't about the age or the fact one is a stepchild to you, but that it is more practical to have the kid there the most and with the most stuff needs the larger space. You're not trying to displace his oldest daughter nor down play his feelings for love for his oldest daughter, you simply have to have the home fit it's true needs...which is a fulltime toddler and a child who comes once every two months. Of course you will see to it the older child's room is comfy, pleasant and perhaps she can have some say in décor and bedding.
The decision that has to be made doesn't have to be a fight. Draw up a scaled design on paper and politely show your DH how each child's things would fit in this and that room vs the opposite. Which is more practical and still meets both child's needs?
It depends on how 'small'
It depends on how 'small' small is. We put the nursery in the largest bedroom because our bedrooms in our home are small, & we wanted room for all the furniture that comes with a new baby.
SD got the smaller room when we bought our house. She just has a twin bed & toys. She's here 37% of the year. The room isn't extremely small, but it is smaller but has a larger walk-in closet. It helps keep her room tidy. We knew we would have more kids, so we left the bigger room(s) for them. SD will never know a difference, since that room has always been hers & with furniture in it you can't tell.
I made a post before this one
I made a post before this one where I wrote everything out explaining our situation. It didn't post and I didn't feel like typing it all out again. But, to clarify a little, we are in the process of buying a new house. SD and BD have never been in the rooms, so there wouldn't be any moving around of rooms.
Funny you say that. My skids
Funny you say that. My skids got the room next to our bedroom because my partner didn't want the skids to feel a 'big change' by moving rooms. My baby is in a very small room down the hall so at night when she wakes up i have to walk there...At first I was livid that the skids get the bigger room next to our bedromm but now I'm at peace with it. With the way they are so noisy their room is close to the living room so i'ma ctually glad my baby is further away.
We are planning on getting a bigger house and no way in hell will the skids get separate rooms until it's absolutely necessary (SS7 & SD5). Their room is constantly filthy and after BM declared her hate for me I have zero interest in doing anything for them. I can handle one dirty room but not 2.
My BS9 and BS14 were finally
My BS9 and BS14 were finally split up last year. They had been sharing a room since the divorce. I asked BS14 what he would prefer since he is older and he actually chose the small room for rational reasons.
There's not much to clean,
He's a minimalist so he doesn't really have that much stuff or clothes.
It's closer to the kitchen. lol big sellig point for him.
In the end he didn't want the bigger room.
SD16 has the smaller of the
SD16 has the smaller of the rooms in our home. Before she came to live with us full time she was only at our home every other weekend. DD7 was given the bigger room mainly becuase she has a lot more stuff and she was there full time. Now that SD16 is with us full time we never even considered moving her into the larger spare bedroom. She makes it work and we have come up with creative ways to make the space usable.
I don't think a baby needs a
I don't think a baby needs a bigger bedroom than an older child, and honestly I don't think this has to do with the size of a bedroom. Is that the real issue? My son always and still does have the smallest bedroom. Soon he will be an only child at home, he can pick the bedroom he wants then, but it is has never been an issue.
We moved recently and my
We moved recently and my daughter had the larger room as she is with us fulltime. 2of my skids shared the smaller room as one is at uni,comes home during holidays and the othe stays 2 nights every week.
However due to the location of the larger bedroom this was a noisy room at night and so we swopped the girls and rooms around. Fulltime daughter now has the smaller room and gets sleep at night and the other two have the larger room. Visiting skid has made no comment about not being able to sleep and is out for the count all night!
My point is... What i believed would work and suit everyone didnt. SO and I discussed options and decided to swop things around to suit the family not the children.