OK, so this wonderful holiday has been weighing heavily on my mind since about July. I have an SD19 who is 45 minutes away at college and an SD13 FT at home. BM died almost 2 years ago. Thanksgiving for the past two years has been a pain in the ass, a real smack in my face. I don't know what to do this year, and the time is close. I need all of the input I can get from you guys.

When BM was alive, DH and I got the Skids on Wednesday night for Thanksgiving and then they would go to BMs around noon on the actual Thanksgiving holiday to celebrate with BM. They lived with BM FT when she was alive. In 2012, I rushed home from a half day at work and got the pre-cooked bird into the oven around 1pm, pulled out all of the stops and served a Thanksgiving meal to DH and the Skids around 6pm. Same thing I did the two years prior. Including the rushing home from work. In 2012, OSD was 17 and had her first job. Someone didn't show up for their shift and she received a text from her boss during our Dinner on Wednesday night. "Daddy, I HAVE to go to work. Johnny didn't show up for his shift." I remember being so hurt at OSD not being respectful enough to say that she was celebrating the holiday with her BF at his house. I was hurt that I slaved for 5 hours and in a matter of 10 minutes of us being seated at the table, she received the text and HAD to go. To work for 3 hours. At her minimum wage job. Disney DH Dad said OK. I am still hurt to this day, but SD19 is a bigger more entitled bitch than ever so I have that to make me feel better, right? It was nice to NOT have her in the house for a few hours, but it was the holiday for us. I was torn..... :?

Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2013. We were in our new bigger home with 5 dogs. Nice big yard and we have the Skids FT. I didn't have to rush home on Wednesday to cook Dinner. I could enjoy my evening and get up early on the holiday to cook, watch the parade, serve Dinner mid-afternoon, watch football...all of the good things that come with the holiday. Except it was the Skids first Thanksgiving without their BM. It had been about 10 months since she passed, Skids had bdays without her over the summer....but I knew the holidays may prove to be tough for OSD, who is probably ODD or BPD, but what do I know? Anyway, I get up at the crack of the crack on Thursday for Thanksgiving 2013 and start orchestrating my magic in the kitchen. My neck and back and fibromyalgia are killing me after about the first hour, but I was happy because it was a holiday.

About 45 minutes before Dinner was to be served, OSD 18 then, comes downstairs in a sports bra and bike shorts and joins DH in the LR. It was 40 degrees outside and chilly in the house. I catch a glimpse of her outfit and asked if she was cold. I couldn't see that she had running shoes on, and she said she was going to get on the treadmill. -Whut?- OSD goes down to the basement and I hear the slap-slap-slap of her feet on the treadmill right below me from the kitchen. Kind of annoying. Then I got mad. Respect the damn holiday Skid! I told DH that she was not going to go sweat for 30 minutes on the treadmill and then sit at my linen-covered table for Dinner. This was the first time we ever had the Skids ON the actual Thanksgiving holiday, although the reason for it was bittersweet. I wanted it to be special. I was making it special. I was preparing yummy food that I made for DH years before in November, when we had first started dating. On the actual holiday.

DH went downstairs to tell OSD that she needed to shower before eating and to leave herself enough time. Then the bombs started exploding. You would have thought a mewling cat was being drowned in our basement. The whining, then the intolerance and back talk to DH, then finally the sobbing and sobbing and sobbing from an 18yo girl. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because of BM's passing. My first husband died before our second wedding anniversary and it HURTS when that pain is new. It hurts when those special occasions start creeping up on the calendar. It just plain hurts. Anyone who has lost someone special KNOWS. I knew and I continued to prepare the meal while hearing OSD sobbing her heart out in the basement below me. DH left her down there for a few minutes then returned to her again. "OSD get up off of the floor. Get up." He was calm with OSD but she has always been a drama queen and DH didn't want this drama on the holiday. We were all dealing with the loss of BM, the four of us, and DH certainly didn't want YSD to be upset. (To this day she hasn't cried over the death of her BM....) Next thing I know, OSD is screaming at DH "My mother is DEAD! My mother is DEAD!!!!!" DH calmly replied in his soothing tone, "Yes, OSD, I know. But if she were here she'd say you were being a BUTT. Now go take a shower so you're ready for Dinner on time." Sobbing and stomping from OSD up from the basement, through the kitchen, up the stairs to the bedroom and bathroom where she took a shower.

Made for one damn awkward Thanksgiving Dinner. Our first one on a Thanksgiving Thursday, first one in our new home. And my back was killing me, but I delivered. I delivered a holiday dinner so grand and special. Special, yes, I thought it was special.

This past summer when OSD/SD19 was home from college she said in passing that she hadn't had many outbursts in years. HUH? I looked at her and said one word. "Thanksgiving." I thought of a dozen other, too. SD19 looked at me and seemed surprised. Her reply?

"I didn't think it was that special." That was her way of excusing WHY she got on the treadmill right before dinner. Tantrum over not wanting to take a shower? I still say it's because she had lost her BM. But she REALLY didn't think it was THAT special, which is why she proceeded to get on the treadmill and treat it like any other day. SD19 doesn't like when any of the family ASKS her to do anything. Whether it's take her laundry from the dryer so the next person can move theirs over, or clean up in the kitchen after she makes a mess, or take a shower before Thanksgiving Dinner. DH, myself and SD13 all walk on eggshells around her because to keep quiet keeps HER quiet and we can have silence and maybe find some peace in our home. Otherwise it's mass-destruction as witnessed last Thanksgiving. She fucking ruined the family's holiday!

I disengaged this past July. I stopped cooking, cleaning, mentoring, advising, reminding, didn't buy and birthday gifts for the SDs who both have summer birthdays. I have terrible neck and back pain from accidents which has led to fibromyalgia. This past year has been tough as far as the pain goes, mental and physical.

So, STalkers, WHAT am I going to do THIS year?????? God help me. Please. somebody help me. I don't want to do anything for these Skids but I don't want to ruin the holiday.

~ Moon