We need advice and I'm hoping to show this thread to my DH. SD15 has been in therapy now for 4 months. This week therapist called DH and BM in for an appt without their daughter. I babysat the other child so they could do this. I was eager to hear what the therapist had to say by now, believing she would have something solid to say, an insight, a game plan, a parenting strategy.

Instead, DH reports BM talked on and on, giving a fictional account of a recent run-in with one of the kid's school teachers, interrupting DH, talking over him. He said it felt like a replay of their marriage counseling they had had in the long ago before divorce. BTW, that counselor, the marriage one, advised him to give up on her.

But this one had precious little advice and no insights. DH showed the counselor these vicious texts that SD15 had sent him a few days ago. The counselor did notice the texts were "very disrepectful," but in the next breath said, "did you talk to her about those things she said?"

I blew my stack when I heard that bit. NO! We do not respond to venom spewed like a fire hose. No way, no how. What the child needs to learn is how to handle her emotions APPROPRIATELY, not to be rewarded for typing out commands to her dad like, "stop pretending you're in charge," "you're only good for computer stuff," "stop trying to be so assertive." Oh, and one of my favorites, "I have no regrets and I never will."

So I suggested DH call the therapist separately, without BM's participation, and ask for a progress report and a prognosis. Under this lady's watch, the girl has worse grades than when she started with her. Why on earth drag the parents in without giving them any insight or instructions? We see no evidence of SD15 practicing any exercises or phraseology or anything that might be traced to the therapy.

I told DH he was paying for this service, it's completely reasonable within the course of business to ask for a progress report for the past four months and a gameplan for the future.

DH has not had much good experience with therapy so he wondered if this is as good as it got. I very definitely have had much, much better experience with therapy and I find this chick to be appalling.

So, friends, to me, therapy is about getting specific suggestions from a professional. Suggestions you can try out to see if they help you cope with your issue better. It is also for getting insights from the professional, who can help you understand why the people you are dealing with act the way they do and how better to interact with them. And insights about your own feelings, too. But it all must add up to real, actual, help. Not endless blathering that goes no where.

Will you STalkers share with us your vision of what therapy is supposed to be about? Some stories? I understand teen therapy may be different because she's a kid, but shouldn't it end up helping somehow? Shouldn't the parents be given some new tools to use?

To recap: At the end of this session A) husband received brief remark to talk to kid about her insults to him BM received no advice at all C) therapist received a completely fictional account of school issue. Kid is still failing school -- the only improvement has been due to Dad's interventions at school and threats to BM about SD15 going to school in our district.