She has an issue with her daughter bonding with a stepmother. It sounds crazy to me. Try and enjoy your alone time she gets to call the shots.

No, by being alone with skids you leave yourself open to all kinds of problems. I have "been there done that", SD said that while we were alone I grabbed her by the arm and drug her across the room to put her in the corner. I never touched her. And for this reason alone, if DH is not home the skids are not there either. Aside from that some CO's have first right of refusal written into them, which means if the bio parent is not available to be with the kid then they go to the other bio parent.

We are going through this exact thing. We are back with an attorney now and we're asking him to spell out what exactly a "third" party is.

BM has a fit if SS9 is left with me, yet she leaves him with his older sibs constantly. Why am I considered LESS when I pay to clothe, feed and care for this child? I am not, nor will ever be on equal footing as the bios, but I should at least rate higher than siblings.

BM leaves him with 3rd parties all the time. We've stopped asking.

As a bio and step parent I feel the kid should be with a bio-parent unless neither are available. She's well within her legal and moral rights and as a step-parent you'll have to accept her decisions on this.

It will be a cold day in hell before I waste time going to court to get BM to allow me to keep SDs9&7 while DF is at work. A BM who wants her kids with her instead of dumping them on SM is WONDERFUL. There are SMs here who would love to have this problem.

I don't care who BM leaves the kids on with her time. Hell, they end up with one of her nephews pretty often. I love DF and get along great with his kids. But I not marching off to war against their mother to become top dog on the babysitter list.

I just can't imagine fighting with a mother because you don't want to babysit instead of allowing her to parent. :?

Someone explain to me why the BM gets to call all the shots and the father is somehow incapable of making decision. When it's the Father's time, he should be able to make decisions regarding his child, just like the BM does when she has him.

It's a sign of a controlling person that she has to know our every move (she watches us via SS9's facebook account that she set up for that purpose). She drops off SS9 for before and after school care without consulting DF.

Love your sample letter GoAwayPlz....I think it's great to write up something so ridiculous that she will be too inconvenienced to comply.

Wow. My husband is away for work for 2 weeks and we have 50/50 custody with SD's mum. The arrangement stands as normal. SD and I are here on our own both this week and next week from Wed-Sun.

Once the SKid arrives at daddy's house BM has no say in anything .... period. If dad has to work and the Skid is with SM/step sibs/half sibs then the Skid is on visitation. The NCP can let the GPs spend time with the kid, leave the kid at a birthday party for another child, put the kid in camp or day care, whatever the NCP wants to do with the SKid on the NCPs time.

The same applies for the CP for that matter.

IMHO of course.

I haven't read all the comments to your post and I'm new on here, but I can tell my and DH's experience with this same issue. I have basically been a step mom for 10 yrs. My husband and I have been married for over 7 but together for 10. I've attended almost very court date a mediation appt with him. My SS BM had the same argument after my DH and I were married. First, the ROF ( right of refusal) is BS, at least in the court system we are in. The judge told each bio parent that they where both allowed to find suitable care for the child while they worked, whether that be a day care provider, and grandparent, babysitter, wife, husband etc.. Since that day in court I the step mother have my SS in my care while my husband is not home. My husband works a long schedule with many company trips out of town, I have my SS during the out of town trips as well. Maybe courts and judges have different options where your from, but it might be something to look into. The only thing the judge did say is that the child could not be left with another minor, or someone with a criminal record..duhh. Lol.
Good luck to you, I know it can be very frustrating especially when your trying to be a good moral person and do right by your step child.

DH & I went through the same thing earlier this summer. SS came to stay with us for the month of July as the CO had listed, & SS stayed with me while DH was at work. BM & I do not get along at all, & I have her blocked from being able to contact me on my phone. She had been told to call while DH was home in order to speak with SS. She said if I didn't unblock her & answer her calls she was coming to take SS back & make "other arrangements" while DH was working. The next day she called, I didn't answer, she came to the house while DH was at work, & I called the police to have her removed from our property. The police explained that as long as I have a copy of the CO stating that SS was at our house during DH's time, there was nothing BM could do about it. SS stayed at the house with me & BM left in tears, claiming she would "go as far in debt as necessary to keep DH from seeing his son ever again." SS miraculously slept through the entire thing!

I have been in this position. Where threats were given to dad by mom, if he was not going to be home to be with the children, I was not to take that place. We did seek advise, dad has rights to giving permission to let me watch over the children, especially at teen ages! We were also told most states a here to this same rule, and most judges would be appalled time was being wasted on this! Unless the girlfriend or stepmom is a criminal or past sex offender; adds up to a jealousy issue!
The mom should be happy that the woman is willing to be a "parent" figure to her children! But some just can't beat the control problem!

I can see it from both aspects. as a SM I think its silly of her. As a BM if I had to share custody of my child I would want her anytime I could get her. Even if it was just a couple of hours. It would have nothing to do with the SM and everything to do with I want my child all the time and it would be hard sending her somewhere else especially if her dad wasn't there.

In our state, if it is DH time BM has zero say. Our BM tried petitioning the court saying the same thing. SD couldn't be with me after school and needed to be with her mom or grandparents. Mind you, she is with us every other week. The court wouldn't even hear the motion.

No need to go to court. Dad's time is dad's time and he can do what he wishes with the Skid including arranging care for her if he is not present during his parenting time. BM can fuck off.

If FROR or ROFR as the case may be was not implemented in a divorce decree it is highly unlikely that a family law Judge would even hear the request. FROR is not commonly something that occurs in a family law CO outside of a divorce decree.

At least that is the case according to our attorney.

The recommendation of another STalker for DH to nail BM with this is a classic toxic oposition manipulation IMHO and if BM wants to play this game then DH needs to shove it up her ass hard. If he is stepping out for 15mins he needs to call BM to come get her and have her back in 15mins. If you are going out on a date with DH without SD on his time he needs to call BM to pick SD up and to be your beck and call baby sitter. When BM refused DH needs to shove harder. "What, you mean that you don't care enough about our daughter to watch her every second possible? Man, you are a crappy mother aren't you."

This is so far from passing the test of reasonableness that it is ridiculous for BM to even have the thought.

Lol BM called the police on me when I kept SD5 an hour past the time she was 'supposed' to be at daycare (before noon). BMs daycare is home ran by a nice lady, but she's the only kid there above 2 and there's nothing educational for her to do there. I took her to a gymnastics class that she LOVED and it ran late that day. Fast forward to me a SD5 getting home to FIVE police officers saying..and I quote " BM was scared for her life and I was holding SD hostage"

They even laughed and were pissed off at BM after they met me and saw what was really going on, I apologized to them the BM wasted their valuable time and they didn't even file a report.

To me it seems like you should make the argument that the child has "residential time" with each parent, meaning the child lives in each home for periods of time. What does your parenting plan order say about residential time? You might want to mediate, because it undermines the BF as a parent if his home is treated like anything other than the child's second home. It's not like he's putting the kid in daycare the whole day while he's working....

Here's the thing that I don't get as a SM: how is that we are told that we should love SK as our own, but then simultaneously told that we can't ever mean as much as a BM? You get what you give, and if you love a kid as your own, you should be treated as a member of the family. Of course, a BM is going to be a different relationship, especially if the child is older, but can we get over the idea that SP aren't family?

BM don't get the idea that we are NOT trying to intrude on your family, but trying to make our own. How can we make our own families if we are constantly told that the kids we love aren't a part of the family? Yeah, sometimes SP are bad people & split, but so do BP. All that should matter is if the people in a kids life are good people.

If the SP is a good person and committed to your child, drop the "holier than thou" attitude and get a life.

Here's the thing that I don't get as a SM: how is that we are told that we should love SK as our own, but then simultaneously told that we can't ever mean as much as a BM? You get what you give, and if you love a kid as your own, you should be treated as a member of the family. Of course, a BM is going to be a different relationship, especially if the child is older, but can we get over the idea that SP aren't family?

BM don't get the idea that we are NOT trying to intrude on your family, but trying to make our own. How can we make our own families if we are constantly told that the kids we love aren't a part of the family? Yeah, sometimes SP are bad people & split, but so do BP. All that should matter is if the people in a kids life are good people.

If the SP is a good person and committed to your child, drop the "holier than thou" attitude and get a life.

From my experience with the same issue, as long as you are not doing anything wrong while you have your stepchild, there is nothing that BM can do. It's dad's visitation time, dad decides who the child is around. I'm sure BM wouldn't allow dad to control who the child is around during her time.

My step kids were not allowed to be left alone with me until 5 years after we married.. And even then, BM did not have to know (we lived in different states) But they always filled her in... Do what feels right to you!

Ok I have a weird different view. With me not trusting BM at all this would be my worry. If BM has Skids during BD's days she can ask to have those does become her days. As well as have CS calculated with her having those days. We were told by a lawyer to always find another sitter during my DH's parenting time if neither of us were available. Just something to think about. I would have DH talk to a lawyer

That should be your husband's call if it's during his visitation.

Bio mum of my ss5 won't spend any extra time with him only what is stated in the CO which is 2/3 weekends...she knows my partner works away from home and yet she doesn't try to say can I spend more time with him...he is in our care 74% and when my partner does go off to work for 3 nights every 2 weeks SS stays with me and his brother which is my bs and there are no issues I mean the relation is toxic between me and bio mum but from her side not mine

Bio mum of my ss5 won't spend any extra time with him only what is stated in the CO which is 2/3 weekends...she knows my partner works away from home and yet she doesn't try to say can I spend more time with him...he is in our care 74% and when my partner does go off to work for 3 nights every 2 weeks SS stays with me and his brother which is my bs and there are no issues I mean the relation is toxic between me and bio mum but from her side not mine

The judge during our trial basically told bio mum to get over the fact that I was the sm

Count your lucky stars, you're SD's mom is there and involved, to the point where you don't have to do any "mothering" at all.

I would do the exact same thing with my own kids, I couldn't imagine leaving them with anyone, including a SM, while I sit on my rear end... and I also wouldn't want to lose a second with my own kids, most especially if I didn't get to see them every day of the week, I'd be jumping through hoops to "there" when I could.

My SD isn't so lucky, her mom doesn't want her on DH's time, even after offering it. She'd rather have her free time. I obviously don't understand it... SD is also super insecure about her mother, to the point where she has the need to put me down to feel good about her mother dearest.