Day 1 -Disengagement

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So far, my day has gone well! I was at peace and I have enjoyed not having interact with his daughter. She has respected my request and not addressed me and I love it. I have been able to chill and not have to worry and stress over what she is or is not doing. I have totally left the parenting to my husband. I saw a previous forum about personality assessment test. I took the test as I did when I was younger. I found out I am an INFJ. It was a little alarming because I heard as we age sometimes the test my come out different. Well it has not changed in 20 years, LOL! I decided to research further because I wanted to know how I am so easily able to block myself off emotional when I feel my heart is in danger and found out it is quite common for someone whose results are INFJ. I am only hoping that this disengagement does not mean the end of my marriage. It is so uncanny because I was aware of this aspect of my personality for years, being able to sever relationships with people as if I do not know them after I have tried over and over and over again to make things work. It does not matter the type of relationship, friendship, romantic, or otherwise. One you burn me, I will never give you the opportunity to do it again. Unfortunately for his daughter, she has driven me to that point and I have totally excluded her from my life. I think that she knows that I was not joking by the way I have carried myself today. It may seem cold to others but I really don't give a d*mn. Until you lose a job, get ignored and disrespected by a stepchild, you will never understand what that sh*t feels like. Especially when you feel like you do not want to deal with he BS anyway!

I saw you post, sorry you are

I saw you post, sorry you are going through that.

Unless your spouse is rather

Unless your spouse is rather fanatical about you caring for his kid or really really wants you to do all the work raising her I don't see why he should want to end a marriage over this. Either way I'd say you're better off without him.

You're not being tyrannical, I assume you're not going to be rude such as ignoring her when she speaks respectfully to you. If you're going to the mall anyway she can tag along can't she assuming she continues to respect you.

You may find, as others have, that once a kid has lost that power over you they change and sometimes surprisingly so. They really want you to be involved its just that the power was too attractive. If she reaches out don't hesitate to respond in kind and if she doesn't well that's workable also.

Unfortunately Orange, I have

Unfortunately Orange, I have lost too much due to this child. I am not willing to invest anything more. There is no need to communicate. She does not talk to me nor I her. I got tired of the snide remarks and ignorant comments. No turning back on this one. No tagging along with me any way. No interaction whatsoever. I guess you didn't see my previous post, "store is closed" as far as his daughter is concerned. Let her father and mother deal with it. Now I will admit the tone has changed my husb looks lost but he will be alright, he can thank himself and BM's for that! I saw when this child was younger she was going to be a problem due to her parents parenting skills. Boy did I nail it on the head. Sorry Orange, game over!

Now I must add, if she speaks to me respectfully, I will reciprocate. But if she requests any thing from me or of me, she will be referred to her Dad.

It was the end of my

It was the end of my marriage. My DH just couldn't handle that I quit taking the way his daughter treated me and disengaged. Of course, he always thought the way she treated me was all my fault even though I never said one cross word to the girl.

It was the end of my

OT sort of- I am an INFJ too.

OT sort of- I am an INFJ too. I thought it was neat that I found another of the less than 1% of the population.

Awesome! Please to met you!

I fully understand your

I fully understand your frustration, I have a SD who did and now at age 28 STILL tries to sabatoge me and DH's marriage, unfortunately he is still blind to her antics. I'm in the process of disengaging myself, boy I wish this sight was here for me 20 years ago! Do you have a link to the personality assessment test? Wishing you all the best and tons of luck getting through this!

Here you go:

Here you go: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Thank you!

I'm disengaged, for a number

I'm disengaged, for a number of years now and I LOVE it. It does become easier the longer you do it, or maybe you 'heal' and care less and less.

For me, I don't see it ever changing. The writing on the wall was there over a decade ago, ass1 is still the same and ass2 turned out exactly how I thought skid would. No big surprise and DH now sees it more as they are adults and suddenly didn't magically change into working, responsible adults. They contact him now for money or ass1 does the ignoring hoping DH will chase, but he doesn't anymore.

I would NEVER be friends with the skids if I just met them normally. I also gave them so many chances and restarts in the early days, but seriously there comes a time when you go NO way I'M DONE!!!

Good luck with the disengagement!

Day 2: Finshed reading

Day 2: Finshed reading StepMonster, love that book! I have to let loose on my hub because he tried to lay the guilt trip BS on me. I was reading my book and he asked me for a copy of my SS card, I told him I do not give out personal information like that to anyone. He tried to come back later and ask me something, asked why was I so angry? Tired to tell me I was ruining the mood of the whole house. Funny, all I did was stay in my office all day and night just as the night before. Kept totally to myself and so very little to him until he pissed me off today. Boy, bet he didn't expect me to say I was tired of him and his daughter p*ssing and sh*tting on me! I was done with that situation! Then went back to reading my book.

good for you and your

good for you and your disengagement. not giving a damn is a good way to put it. this may well end your marriage but you will know where you stand.

for years dh let the skids trample his feelings calling him names refusing to talk to him and then finally sweetening up when a birthday or holiday was near and were expecting gifts. in each case of mistreatment dh always came back with forgiveness.

not so with me. when i am not in his graces he rages withholds affection and makes threats not to help me with things he promised.

i have disengaged all the way from dh and skids. i put and end to taking sh$t from the skids by giving them a dose of their own medicine. you should have seen the looks on their faces. i feel much better that way as dh never stood up for me and i had to defend myself.

disengaging is the only real way we can gain control of what we do. we cant control other people but we can control what we do.-

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