New Stepdad to overindulged only child (13 year old boy)
Hi - this is a fairly broad topic that I could use advice for from both dads and moms, so I'll post here under General Discussion.
Although my fiance and I are not yet legally married, I have considered myself a step-dad since she and her son moved in with me last October. We all got off to a rocky start, to say the least, but I patiently waited for things to get better since it was a long cold winter that kept us stuck indoors. Unfortunately, now that summer is nearly over, I can't say that we're doing a whole lot better.
A brief history: My fiance's son has never lived with anyone else besides his mom before moving in with me, and she has full custody. His bio-dad is in his life, but is bi-polar, a recovering alcoholic, and just not a good person in any way shape or form. As an example, he often takes his son to see explicit films, including Wolf of Wallstreet, which they sat through to the very end when the kid was still just 12 years old. Nevertheless, he loves his dad, and looks forward to spending time with him each week. Just a couple of years ago and all the years prior, however, his father was typically too drunk or stoned to even care about, much less have the energy to do anything with his son. As a result, the boy has been plagued with depression throughout his entire childhood, and entered counseling when he began talking about killing himself when he was five. There's much more to the story, but suffice it to say that he has seen way too much for any kid his age. Although I am a fervent advocate of father's rights, I have come to the conclusion that the boy would be better off if *his* father were on a different planet.
My fiance has never received more than a few pennies of child support, and has raised this kid completely on her own - again, living together just the two of them. Because of her deep seated guilt about the fact that her son has never had a normal, happy childhood, she has gone to great lengths to make it up to him by catering to his every wish and demand. Now that he is becoming a teenager, she is beginning to see the monster he is becoming, but I am beginning to worry it may already be too late to turn him around.
This is going to sound harsh, but "Davey" is truly the laziest and most disrespectful kid I have ever met. He has never had a single chore or responsibility in his life. He sits on his computer in his room with the door shut for double digit hours on end, and would prefer that over doing just about anything else you can imagine. He is overweight and would eat fried chicken every day of the week if he were allowed to do so, but has gastrointestinal problems that are becoming much worse. To her credit, his mother has begun to put her foot down about getting him to eat healthier, but when they first moved in, I was shocked when she would frequently come home with Popeye's takeout for his dinner.
The worst thing, and the hardest thing for me to tolerate is his incessant whining and complaining about EVERYTHING. No matter what you do for him, it is never good enough. He can be in a crowd of five hundred kids who are all laughing, playing, and having a great time, and he alone will be miserable. Summer camp was an ordeal for him. Whale watching on the open ocean would be an incredible treat and privilege for almost any other kid, but he found it "boring." He is anti social and spurns other kids, but then complains that nobody likes him and blames his loneliness on the fact that his mother moved him to another town 30 miles from where he grew up.
Now comes the shocker. In spite of this horrible (and all too true) picture I have just painted of him, and despite a horrible attendance record and being sent to the principal's office nearly a dozen times, "Davey" managed to get nearly straight A's in school this past year. He is an incredibly gifted kid, but just doesn't give a rat's behind about anything besides playing on his computer and avoiding day to day life.
I can honestly say that I came into this with my eyes wide open. My fiance is the most amazing person I have ever met and I can truly say she is the love of my life, but that alone wasn't enough of a reason to invite her son to live with me too. I sincerely thought I could make a difference in his life and help turn him around, in part by giving him the "normal" family and household that he grew up saying that he wanted. He wants little to do with me, however, and would probably be elated if his mom and I split up.
I don't want to give up too easily, but at this point, my anger and resentment is reaching the boiling point. I have asked my fiance to go with me and him for counseling, but she has resisted so far, saying that she needs to see her own counselor to work on her own issues first. She is aware of the fact that she coddles him, but just can't seem to break out of the pattern of chastising him, and then making up with him when they have their spats.
This is anything but a run of the mill, typical blended family situation, so I'm not necessarily looking for any advice. I just need to hear from someone who has been in an equally tough situation and came through it okay to give me a little hope. Otherwise, I can't help imagining what this kid will be like in five years when he can't break away from his computer addiction and go out in the real world to get a job and support himself. No matter how much I love his mother, I can't imagine sticking around at that point.
Many thanks for reading,
- G
G, Have you considered that
G,
Have you considered that it might be best to live separately until he is grown?
Its a bit hard now that you have moved them in, but this is only going to get worse for you. Sorry. He's only 13. That's not the worst age for an overindulged child. And if he has no responsibilities now, will he be forced to at 18?
Sounds like he's being a normal teenage boy layered with a lot of coddling.
Mom is going to take any parenting criticisms very personally and it will affect your relationship. One of two things can happen here.
1. You have a deep sensitive and non insulting heart to heart with her about every aspect of parenting and getting along with her son, so that you are both on the same page. She leaves understanding that you are both going to parent in your shared home. Its no longer YOUR home, but both of yours now. Everyone needs to feel like they have their own space in this own and its theirs. She needs to also understand that there needs to be rules, structure, and and responsibilities. Even, what your role in discipline should be?
2. You stay completely out of everything and let her do it all. The good and the bad, with her son. That's difficult when the son lives with you full time.
She may be wonderful, but a child can throw a wedge like nobody's business. Its her child. She will protect and cushion him if you two aren't on the same page. Think very seriously about your limits and boundaries. Be clear from the beginning and don't allow any push because you can be taken advantage of. I hate to sound so negative, but when both parents in the household are not working together, one of them needs to either suck it up and deal or leave.
My SO and I have been together 6 years and we met when his kids were 12 and 10. I had no idea what I got myself into and thought it was all my issues. He was a disney dad (probably like your SS's father) and did not like my idea of parenting his kids (no bad movies, no excessive candy, need bedtime). So, I had to disengage for my sanity. Easier for me because we get visitation, not full time. Full time, would have likely lead to a separate living situation. I've been through one coddled teenage girl (she's 18 now) and disengaged completely from her. SS15 and I get along, but he's not perfect either. He respects me though and that's important.
Good luck! Again, think about how much you really want to endure and for how long. No matter how wonderful the woman, its sometimes not worth it.
Sorry for the negative. I'm really biased at this point.
Hi Helena - thank you for
Hi Helena - thank you for your thoughtful post, and you're right - we do need to have that heart to heart. To keep it positive, though, I have the good sense to know that it needs to be done with a counselor there to mediate, since I don't think it is possible to have it without stepping on some very bruised toes at this point.
That is amazing that you have
That is amazing that you have thoughts of a counselor planned out already too. I think its a wonderful idea. You sound very realistic and it looks to me like you already have a handle on things. I believe you will be just fine.
Your SS sounds like a twin
Your SS sounds like a twin image of my SD11. So far, not one chore or responsibility. Laziest, most disrespectful kid I've met. And I've met some lazy ones. It's a miracle if she rinses her one plate after dinner or brushes her teeth. Flushing the toilet is a 50% success rate in this house. Same problem you have with social situations. Everyone will be having a good time and SD will just stare at the wall or hide her head in a book. It's embarrassing! Sounds sad, but the truth is, she is doing this just to rebel against everyone else doing something they like. She has always wanted everyone to bow to her and do exactly what she wants. We try to encourage her to watch a movie with us or go bowling but she gets "bored" with every damn thing and starts acting depressed and pissy. She looks pathetic and depressed all the time so other people think we must be abusing her. But if people treat her like a queen center of attention, she suddenly looks like a normal happy kid. Her BM hasn't been seen nor contributed CS in years.
I have a responsible 24 year old BD so I know for sure this is only the beginning with SD. Even my responsible BD was a pain during the teen years so I know I'm heading in for a shitstorm with SD! Wish I had hope and advice about pulling through ok, but I'm just trying to hang on tight as I drink tons of wine while I head right in to the teen years of a kid who has never experienced boundaries.
God help us!
After 6 years of being a
After 6 years of being a fulltime SM (I'm the only mom in SD's life) I have learned the hard way that even though I AM the full time mom (BM has disappeared for years), I am still not "allowed" to parent and teach and discipline this kid. All I can really do at this point is watch both SD11 and DH fall on their own swords.
Since I decided to stick around this long, I don't plan to walk away. Too many investments with DH now at this point. If it was earlier in the game, knowing what I know now, I would NOT be here taking this abuse. So, every night, I just pull up a chair, grab my wine, and watch the show. It's a circus of morons around here LOL.
Welcome to the StepDad club.
Welcome to the StepDad club. I always get a chuckle when people assume that being a stepdad is any easier than being a stepmom.
I've been fighting (and losing) the stepdad battle for years. Even though you are frustrated as hell at your stepson, there is one thing you need to realize. He behaves the way he does because of his mother. So even though you are frustrated at him, the real fault lies with his mother. Unfortunately anything you do to try and improve the situation, you will be looked at as the evil monster BOTH your stepson and your fiance. Ultimately the only person who can change this behavior is his mom.
I would have a good heart-to-heart talk with your fiance and state that things need to change moving forward. If he's on his computer all day, set time limits. If he doesn't agree to the time limits, then take the computer away and only allow it for schoolwork.
I appreciate everyone reading
I appreciate everyone reading my post, but so far, I'm not seeing the responses that I requested. There is no shortage of people advising me to run for the hills - I wouldn't have posted if I needed to hear that.
Frustr8d1 - you mentioned the wine thing twice, so I'm taking you at your word and assuming that you have a drinking issue. I know I did, and my drinking got worse and worse while I tried to swallow my resentment toward my fiance and her son. I finally quit, have not touched a drop in over a month. Hasn't made the problem go away, but has given me the gumption to face it and deal with it. I suggest you put the bottle away likewise...
- G
Thank you - will do...
Thank you - will do...
Hi SA - I should have
Hi SA - I should have mentioned the fact that I have purposely avoided the big mistake of trying to enforce discipline. I read The Smart StepDad by Ron Deal, and found it to be incredibly valuable in helping to avoid the usual pitfalls. This is a somewhat unusual situation. You are right, I had high expectations for myself, because I have been a coach for other men getting through divorce, and I had a rough boyhood myself with frequent thoughts of suicide and cutting up both arms. I can usually get through to other guys and get them to open up and talk, and I had high hopes I could do the same for this kid.
One thing I know for certain, however - I am not only his best shot, I am his only shot. He has no other mentor, and will never find another if I skidaddle. That is something I have to remind myself of constantly.
Oh, that is just FUNNY as
Oh, that is just FUNNY as hell!!! Someone tries to add a little humor to step-hell life, and you accuse them of having a drinking issue and other issues?!! Not that I need to defend myself, I am living in Italy right now. Wine here is the 5th food group. You are obviously new here and don't understand the dynamics of step life yet.
Like Liam Neeson said to the kidnappers on "Taken," GOOD LUCK.
If the shoe doesn't fit, put
If the shoe doesn't fit, put it on the shelf, but I was speaking for myself when I disclosed the fact that this issue was literally driving me to drink. For anyone who is leaning on that same crutch to make your evenings at home a bit more tolerable, whether you're in the USA or elsewhere, I can vouch for the fact that it will only make things much, much worse - like spraying kerosene on a smoldering fire. Alcohol and parenting don't mix well, sorry...
"I'm not seeing the responses
"I'm not seeing the responses that I requested"
G-Dude, I hate to say it, but you're not seeing those responses (I believe you requested ones where someone came through the other side and everything turned out OK) because they're rather like unicorns. It would be nice to see one, but don't hold your breath.
Unfortunately, something has to break. Your situation simply isn't tenable. I've been on step-parent forums (this and others) for 6 years, and from what I've seen one of 2 things will happen. Either your girl will step up and take care of business (I give that about a 10% shot, based on what I've seen and how you posted), or your resentment will continue to build until you no longer love her as you do now. Don't think "18 and done", either - check out the Adult SKids forum if you want to be disabused of that notion.
I think you also have to
I think you also have to remember, that a lot -- NOT ALL-- people are on this particular site because they are still in need of help/venting or have been run through the gamut and have something to offer to those who are struggling. So you will get a shifted set of responses.
People who are doing hunky dory aren't coming here.
I agree with others that
I agree with others that unless your girlfriend GIVES you parental authority (and it must come from her!) that your only option is to completely disengage. Tough when he lives with you, as others have pointed out. It's an adjustment to your own attitude, more than anything. He's not your kid - it is neither your fault nor responsibility what kind of adult he becomes. That means not caring what he eats for dinner, how much time he spends on the computer, how many friends he has or if he has a good time - think of how you would feel if a neighbor's kid were the same. Would you simply give a sympathetic wave now and then? Or try to fix it? The attitude is the same if you're going to disengage - sympathy for your girlfriend, but ZERO drive or ambition to "fix it" for her. Only if things affect you directly can you address them. (Same with the neighbor's kid - if he's digging up her flower garden for kicks, it's none of your business. If he's digging up YOUR garden, you address it with his parents.) It's not really a good option, since he lives with you, but I'm not sure there are any good options and it might be the best of all the BAD options available to you.
For what it's worth, I understand her take on the counseling. What I would suggest is for you to go see your own counselor to help you deal with the fallout right now. Talk to your counselor and find out what he or she thinks about "group" therapy timing, then you can readdress it with your girlfriend.
G, I feel for you but to be
G,
I feel for you but to be honest it will not get any better anytime soon and maybe never.
I think most of is here ~
I think most of is here ~ have been in your boat ~ paddling to salvation with a fork.
My approach might be different ~ does the boy have a passion for anything ?? Music , art or something.
Someone needs to step up and veer this kid is a positive aspect of life. He is floundering in a world with no boundaries or structure. Kids at this age crave boundaries to have them or just break them. To kind of test the parents. If someone invests in this kid ~ maybe finding a creative outlet for him.
Counseling sounds awesome but the thought might be overwhelming. But where to start ? With your DF ?? With all of you ?? With yourself ?? I know I gave into my kids to quickly and they learned what ~ how to work the system. It's normal with kids from broken home to try and find where they fit. What the role is ??
I think the major thing we all neglected to do when we move in is ~ discuss everyone's rules n expectation. Because we don't want to damper the positive event. If only I had done that from the beginning would things be different. Maybe ?
Discussing the wrongs that momma bear is doing with her kid. She has to be objective is what she must do. No one is perfect ! Tread lightly ~ she's going to be defensive if she isn't open minded. If you are important enough to her ~ she will listen ! I am stubborn as hell n so is my DF. He was a Disney dad n pointing things out to him was difficult but necessary. After about 8 incidents I think it started to sink in.
OH, that shoe was on the
OH, that shoe was on the shelf the moment you jumped to conclusions about me. You gotta learn sooner or later that you cannot and will probably never be able to control or fix a kid even if you have the best of intentions. I know some men love to fix things instead of accepting them the way they are...broken. But, in the context of stepparenting, the only person truly in control of fixing the kid is the bio. SKIDS (especially teens) will do anything to get out of following rules. When push comes to shove, they will throw the stepparent under the bus before they ever blame the bio. You can do everything perfect in the parenting department but if there is conflict with the skid, you will always be at fault because you aren't the "real" dad.
I just make it a general rule that I can't make someone a priority in my life when I am only an option in their life. My SD will use me in every possible way but if there's a better deal for her, she will ditch me first. (and I'm not talking about her BM because her BM has been disappeared for years now) Just saying, SD would rather burn me than try to form any bond with me because to her, I'm the disposable "family" member. I disengage to the level of bad treatment I get from SD. If she's open to me and my advice, I will engage. If not, I ignore her bad behavior.
Now, it's time to go open that bottle of Valpolicella. HAHA. JOKE. KIDDING. LOL. JK. My DH and I are wine collectors. We even built a cellar in our new retirement house back in the states. Looking forward to retirement, hopefully without SD.
Hi Cat - it's a great
Hi Cat - it's a great thought, but his only interest in computers is downloading and playing games.
Not a "typical, run of the
Not a "typical, run of the mill, blended family situation?" Read some more threads around here, you will find that that is exactly what it is.
Your stepson shares many characteristics with my stepdaughter. I begged and begged my DH to give her more limits and structure when she was thirteen. I figured we only had a little time left for her to still be malleable.
He resisted. He asked me to do things his way. So I did.
Until the day I could stand it no more and went one on one with this girl who was by then 14. I achieved the specific limitation I was seeking at that time in my confrontation with her. I told her that issue was between her and me now and she learned I meant it. Thankfully, my DH supported me in this but that was after the fact.
Now she's fifteen and I believe probably beyond our reach. Even he is basically giving up on her now. Click on my name and read my last blog post if you care to get some more details on that. She's in counseling but I have little hope at this point.
If I were you, or if I had a time machine and go back to when she was 13, I would take action. BIG action. I would set the house rules and enforce them. You and your wife can work out your issues behind the scenes, but tell her that you can't live the other way any more. That for the three of you to make a family, you personally have to have these minimum standards met. Ask for her support. Make it happen.
If she takes a left turn and intervenes every time to protect her kid from the natural consequences (your rules) of his bad behavior, then you have a decision to make. Because she is letting you know that for the rest of your natural life you will have this monstrous kid/then man looming over you. Picture what it will be like when you are a frail elderly person and this boy is in his prime. Can you live with that vision?
15 is too late. 13 you can still make a difference. Do it now.
Wise words, Chief. And for
Wise words, Chief. And for those who tell me (here and elsewhere) that we jumped the gun by moving in too soon, I did it precisely because I knew that if this boy had another year of living alone with his mother like Little Lord Fauntleroy, he would be doomed, and beyond anyone's reach to set him on the path to manhood. Time is definitely not on his side (or mine, or his mother's...)
There's a red flag. Your
There's a red flag. Your relationship should be about you and your wife.
Stop trying to save someone who sounds like he doesn't want to be saved.
Also I wanted to say before- it seems to me that he is doing pretty darn well. Some of the problems may be personality. The fact that you don't like his personality is not a reason for him to change!
He sounds like an introvert who enjoys computers and is doing well in school.
If some of his behaviors annoy you- find a way to deal with that- like leaving the room when he gets whiney.
I'm sorry, but how did
I'm sorry, but how did anything I described make him sound like he is doing "pretty darn well?" Suicidal ideation, computer game addiction, social outcast, hauled into principal's office at least once a week...
What we have here is much, much more than a personality conflict. This kid will be in serious trouble when it comes time to make his way in the world...
Now I've gone and read
Now I've gone and read upthread and seen that everyone is advising complete disengagement or leaving.
Want to clarify the advice I gave. I am not advising you to "parent" the boy, not without express invitation and support from the mom.
What I AM advising is setting up your own personal boundaries and enforcing THOSE. You can say things like, "in this house, we have family dinner. THIS is what's being served. If you don't like it, you can wait till the next meal and I hope you have better luck with that." That's how you save yourself from having to watch a heading-for-diabetes kid gobble down fast food every night. Since you can't count on your wife to make nutritious meals several times a week, do it yourself.
So you are not "parenting" him, you are enforcing the way you want your OWN life to be in the house you work hard for.
For me, the thing I went head to head with my SD in the above response was her baiting and beating on her little brother. She admitted to me that she did it on purpose because she was "bored." I told her her dad thought the world of her. But I saw things a bit differently. I said she had boundaries, she didn't want to be friends with me. We all got that. No friends with ChiefGrownup. Well, kiddo, I have boundaries, too. And tormenting your brother is one of them. That's between me and you now. If you don't want me in here making you miserable, then you will stay on the right side of that boundary.
She tested a bit at first but she learned right away I meant it. I also told her dad immediately everything that I had said to her. He gave me his support though he had been resistant on this issue before.
Now she has gotten out of the habit of tormenting him constantly. She reminds herself to interact with him in a respectful way. If she forgets, BOTH her dad and I will get on her. So my DH followed me on this when I finally took the lead on it.
And you are asking for success stories, this one is mine. I don't know what happens at her mother's house and I have my suspicions, but at our house her "torment the autistic kid until he has a meltdown" for fun and entertainment habit has vanished. We only need to correct her a couple times a weekend now and it's a pleasure to see her interact with him in a pleasant manner now, self-regulated, much of the time.
I'm not real clear on why you
I'm not real clear on why you think your situation Isn't a typical not so blended dynamic.
The rosiest story I have for you is my brother. He had a total loser alcoholic shit for a father, did not get on well with my dad at all. His dad alienated him to the point where therapists told my mom to j ust let him go live with his dad so the guy could feel he had "won" and stop mentally abusing my brother so much. So he lived with his dad from about 11 to adulthood. Somewhere in his 20s he decided my family wasn't so bad after all and everyone does ok at this point. But my dad didn't fix anything.
My own SD is still in a blame everything on us period. She may or may not grow out of that, who knows.
I also think you are engaging in a huge logical fallacy in your thinking. You are not the kid's only shot. You can not know that there will be no one else out there that would ever mentor him. His mother had every ability of putting him in a big brother program, of finding another man to be the kid's stepdad if you leave, of finding a teacher at school who could try to help. It may help you feel very white knight-ish, but it is simply not a true, logical statement to say you are his only shot. Even if it were true, you didn't participate in making the kid, it's not on you to fix him. And someone can only be fixed if they want to be, and it sounds like he's feeling pretty good about life the way it is.
As everyone has said, this
As everyone has said, this sounds like it is exactly a typical blended family dynamic.
The answer is simple: It is not your responsibility to fix other people's mistakes- including parenting mistakes. It is not your job to fix or change this child.
Your job is to figure out how to maintain your love for you wife and preventing any resentment you have about her child from affecting that relationship.
Stay out of it. Let your wife handle it her own way.
People may tell you to take control of the situation- that someone has to parent this kid f his parents don't. But that is highly likely to backfire.
The flip side of this coin is you are not responsible for taking care of someone else's child, either. You do not have to clean up after him, give him rides, etc.
You are his "only shot?" Be
You are his "only shot?" Be careful what your ego is signing up for. I've been around this block for many decades and typically, stepdads want to be the hero and rescue a damsel in distress with her child. Stepmoms TEND (not always) to want a husband and a partner with or without the children.
Aeron is right -- "It may help you feel very white knight-ish, but it is simply not a true, logical statement to say you are his only shot. Even if it were true, you didn't participate in making the kid, it's not on you to fix him."
If you take the role full on and force parenting on him, it will backfire. Your job is your wife. Not her and her ex's child.
Everyone, thank you for your
Everyone, thank you for your input. I came here looking for hope and encouragement, but got hit hard with a dose of reality that basically confirmed what I already knew in my heart. Sadly, we are splitting up and going our separate ways, but at least this is happening now rather than later, and dodging the bullet of another divorce. In a word, it sucks. I was really hopeful that I'd be able to make a difference in this kid's life.
Sorry to hear of your
Sorry to hear of your breakup, G-Dude.
But it is a hard lesson. In most cases, it is only an illusion that stepparents can have much influence on a kid. I had to learn that one, too. Most of us have. Still have a hard time convincing my friends that I cannot "save" SD15. From the outside, it looks one way. But living it reveals a whole new reality. Even most professional counselors don't get it.
Sorry to hear that your
Sorry to hear that your engagement has ended. It is sad when a toxic spawn or toxic blended family opposition triumphs and causes the demise of an otherwise good relationship.
I suppose my Step Dad experience has turned out well because I refuse to lose. When the Sperm Clan caused trouble I confronted them head on and though I did not win every battle I won the war.
When my bride and I would have a difference of opinion regarding parenting the Skid (my SS-22)rather than letting it stand I pushed for resolution. My opinions were not always adopted but they were presented, heard, and considered and we for the most part compromised ... so I won there too.
}:)
My foundation was much broader and deeper than your SDad foundation though. My bride and I met and started dating when the Skid was 15mos old and we married the week before he turned 2.
One thing that helped me/us deal with the incessant gaming was SmartHouse. The box was in our master closet and we could turn off the internet and cable and lock the panel when the Skid needed to surface for some IRL experiences. Never a popular event for him but it was the ultimate leverage for a kid that would far rather live in an electronic fantasy world made up by someone else’s imagination rather than use his own imagination or heaven forbid have an actual real live experience.
If your relationship re-engages you may want to consider wiring your house with SmartHouse or an equivalent and unplug the Skid from his fantasy life. It worked for us.
Military boarding school worked too. Your Skid is the same age that mine was when we shipped him off the Military School. He lost 40lbs during his first 6 weeks as a RAT and did very well academically, athletically, and military leadership wise. At least until his Sperm Idiot got involved but that is another story.
"I suppose my Step Dad
"I suppose my Step Dad experience has turned out well because I refuse to lose. ...
"When my bride and I would have a difference of opinion regarding parenting the Skid (my SS-22)rather than letting it stand I pushed for resolution. My opinions were not always adopted but they were presented, heard, and considered and we for the most part compromised ... so I won there too."
I've done this, too. It only works because my partner is willing to listen and support me and I him because he makes it worthwhile for me. I don't know how so many families here survive without knowing they have this kind of safe give and take with their partners. My DH deserves masses of credit. And it sounds like your DW does, too.
Thank you - living apart but
Thank you - living apart but still seeing each other is what she has asked for, and I guess at this point, I'll never say never. Quite frankly, I feel like what's the point? I will, however, sleep on it - in the hotel room that I've checked into for the night. I really appreciate your feedback.
- G
is this boy related to my
is this boy related to my nephew? just kidding.
my nephew is almost thirty lives at home and plays in a rock band on weekends. he does not work and plays video games all day. he goes to college but only takes classes in music. he also has a terrible diet and health problems. my brother enables the young man.
i would agree that marriage would be the worst thing for you now. the mother is clearly enabling his behavior, most likely out of guilt over the less than adequate father.
under no circumstance should you attempt to parent him. this is the job of the mother and she has failed.
this poor boy needs guidance and his mother has failed him. you can be kind and supportive but worry too much is not the right thing to do.