Shut up already
DH went on and on about what he and his DD14 did today. All the interesting and cute things she said. I was asking myself as I was listening. ..who gives a flying flip?! I sure don't!
Then I see the "you're not fooling me with your so called cute talk" manipulative lil baby sitting in my chair watching tv. Do I think this is purposeful? Most definitely. But I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead I go out and enjoy a beautiful evening. Boo-yah baby girl! That's how this game is played.
Has anyone else found their DH try to push you buttons after disengaging? For instance, I'm not in a pissy mood now that I stopped caring and he seems to be trying to make me pissy. Almost like he doesn't know to handle me in a good mood while SD is visiting.
This hasn't happened to me.
This hasn't happened to me. Is DH overwhelmed because he doesn't have your help with SD now? Mine got a little overwhelmed, but he knew he was getting a taste of what it was like for me, when I was doing everything. I have SD19 and SD13 full-time. Ugh.
~ Moon
I did notice that once I made
I did notice that once I made the change to disengaging...for a while dh tried to get me to engage...the challenge with making such a dramatic change is, that, if no one else changes...they do not know how to react to the fact that you have...It can get really messy...at least that has been my experience...it seems like the skids (adults) have escalated in their hate for me, and have taken a more Rigid approach in their thinking...they have tried to make me more uncomfortable...But, I have been able to keep their activity none of my business for a while...and the longer I stay disengaged, the easier it is to move on...
i think my dh didn't believe me when I said I was done....but now that he has experienced me being done with their stupid antics...he has accepted the fact that it could never go back to the way it was...ever...The trust has been totally annihilated between skids and myself...Once you start using an innocent grandchild as a weapon to cause harm to others...you have went tot far in my book...How low can you go...I guess as low as your mother taught you to....No, I will have no part in that....
OMG! I'm cracking here. Not
OMG! I'm cracking here.
Not only is she still in my chair now DH has invited her to watch one of my favorite shows. But it gets better. She asked to use the laptop which he knows I put up and she can't use and says it's up to me if she can use it. Really?
I'm using all my strength to stay calm. Think I'll be going to my bedroom to watch this show alone.
Did she ask? Assuming she
Did she ask? Assuming she used a respectful tone of voice then she's due an answer. No.
But why is it so difficult to stay calm? Better question I guess is what can you do to distract yourself from your instinctive feelings to mother a child. This is the reason you've having any difficulties in disengaging. Perhaps if you realize that millions of kids are growing up right now without your help and that 99%+ of them will turn out just fine. You're not responsible for them and you're not responsible for this one.
Continue on the way you've been going and create a standard response to his bragging "That's nice" and return to what you were doing. Eventually he'll get the message and leave it alone.
Ok. I'm back on track. My
Ok. I'm back on track.
My frustration was because DH knew SD was not allowed to use the laptop any more but left it up to me to tell her no. It's clear he does not want to be the bad guy. That's been my job. Here is my resignation effective immediately.
DH just told me that he feels I've been giving the cold shoulder when it comes to SD. I explained that I'm backing off and letting him make the decisions regarding her. He couldn't understand why I wasn't giving my opinion when he asks if he handled something correctly with her. I explained that it not my place to say whether he did or not. It is his responsibility to make that determination. Not me.
I think it's finally sinking in for him.
If the laptop is your
If the laptop is your personal property you've got no reason to not answer a respectfully asked question about it. If it's his or family property then you're response to any question of hers about anything like that, or permissions to do/not do something is "Ask your Dad". If she says Dad said to ask you your response is "I can't answer that ask your Dad". Then stop responding.
As for your husband trying to dump stuff on your back simply ignore him and the repercussions of it. Just don't get involved and that's a good answer "I'm not involved in this ask your Dad". Once they both realize you simply won't be sucked in they will quit trying and maybe best friend Daddy will start acting like a father.