Adivice - school supplies
Normally I don't ask for advice and I just vent, but I'm curious what others have done or would do in the following situation:
Bm texted dh asking him to take ss12 school clothes shopping. immediately sent another text with sizes and color demands, just assuming dh would say yes. Dh ignored her because he always discusses this stuff with me first. I said no way.
Dh pays Bm $1000 a month for one child. It's not our fault she choose to marry a POS husband that doesn't work. It's not our fault she only works part time hours and supplements with welfare. And it's def not our fault she made 4 other children with POS husband. We know she uses the child support to support her whole family.
Dh and I both make very good money, better then most, so we could afford this. However I feel it's the principle behind it. We both work 50 hours a week for our salary and sacrafice a work/life balance to have a nice home. Plus I have BS to worry about.
Now I'm not a complete evil person and understand that if we don't help SS will go to school in rags. So we replaced his crappy shoes that had holes in them. We also let ss take all the clothes he had here back to BMs. This was 10 pairs of jeans and 12 shirts - I figured we could buy him new clothes and have them at our house. I even went out and got him socks and underwear.
Bm texted dh when ss returned from summer visitation, she was not happy with this. She wanted NEW clothes for him. The clothes we sent are nice name brand clothes $60 holister sweaters ect. Def better then what she would have been able to afford.
I can't wait til the CS
I can't wait til the CS stops, I would like to see how she lives then. I'm sure she has nothing put away for ss for education. BS is almost 4 months old and he already has $1000 in his account.
We use to go back and fourth with text messages with BM, now we just ignor her as much as possible. I think she enjoys drama and that's why she keeps the fire going.
>I'd love to meet a BM. Who
>I'd love to meet a BM. Who has even bothered to savea percentage of her monthly CS for an education fund. I bet. They don't even exist.
Shows what you know. My ex *volunteered* to pay 100% of college, and told the court he had a college fund for them. I made sure that both kids did well enough to get decent FinAid to reduce the cost - to the point of getting everything but housing/food/books covered. (To the tune of ~&11k each per year owed.) Our oldest graduated this past spring, and Dad has contributed ~$1k/yr for him; nothing for our youngest. I planned ahead and socked away money 'cause I knew he wouldn't follow through. Their college fund? Is paying for his skids' college expenses. Whatevs.
But don't make stupid assumptions.
p.s. Ex is a college professor.
That sounds like a great
That sounds like a great idea. However our state garnishes CS straight from paychecks, so there is not modifying it.
If I understood correctly,
If I understood correctly, DH/you purchased new shoes, socks and underwear. Along with currently fitting , dozen pair of jeans and tops? The kid only has one butt to clothe. How much more does she expect? The only think I could think of that the sent clothing would be unacceptable for school is if the child is mandated actual school uniforms (specific pants and colored polo shirts for example). But even then, DH is paying $1,000 a month CS, Not his fault BM has 4 additional children to clothe and a worthless new husband.
If Dad thinks child needs a fresh backpack and perhaps $15 worth of notebooks (I got notebooks at .19 cents each) and pens/pencils, ruler, ect...fine. He'd be doing it for his son. But IMO nothing else is his responsibility to worry about.
Back a handful of years ago when my SGS's BM still had residential primary , BM use to ask about clothing. I always did a very generous shopping day trip with SGS. That is until I discovered BM was afterwards returning the items. She was then getting the cash, taking money down to the goodwill store and buying clothing for SGS and her BF's four younger children. BM was using my money to purchase used clothing for five kids.
Nope, SS doesn't wear school
Nope, SS doesn't wear school uniforms. She was upset that went sent used clothing and did not send new clothing, as in "how dare we". I don't believe it's our responsibility to clothe ss when at BMs. We only sent the clothing because SS is going into high school and we don't want him to get picked on for wearing rags or ill fitting. Plus the clothes we sent were quality brand name, better then what she could ever afford. It's not like we sent walmart clothing that will fall apart after one washing.
No. We ignore now.
No. We ignore now.
Our BM used to drop the skids
Our BM used to drop the skids off the night before school started with no school supplies so we were forced to go buy them. She never, ever in 9 years bought them new school clothes either - we had to and she was getting $2,800 a month for 2 kids. I would feel bad for the kids and take them shopping for clothes. This went on for years until I put my foot down a few years ago. We stopped buying their clothes. After all, that IS what child support is for. OSS has been in college for a few years but BM still expects us to pay for his clothes, etc.
A few months ago we moved to a new state - away from skids and BM (YIPPPEEE!). She sent my DH a text asking for $1,000 more a month for the summer so the boys could get new clothes. I was so proud of my DH that he texted her back "no, that is what CS is for". Of course she threw a fit and called him names for several hours that night. But he stood his ground.
F'ing greedy BMs.
BM over here knew better than
BM over here knew better than to ask for anything extra, that was not going to happen. Not to sound heartless but if she chose to send SD to school in rags, so be it, that was her choice. That's just a form of manipulation; getting what she wants (not having to spend CS on her kid), one way or another. Nope.
Our BM and her DH used to
Our BM and her DH used to bank child support and take big vacations. Kids had no clothes that fit, but they went on vacation by golly! The good news was that they took the kids, I guess. LOL. their priorities were always so messed up. Car repossessed? Let's go on vacation! House payment 2 months overdue? Let's go to Disneyland! Unreal.
LOL, I know - on top of
LOL, I know - on top of $1,800 a month for ONE child.
My fiance never boys SD13
My fiance never boys SD13 clothes. He pays $1300 a minth for one kid and BM has zero living exexpenses. We dont buy school supplies ir anything for her.
Why does any kid need 10
Why does any kid need 10 pairs of jeans?
ETA: My 20 daughter has 3 pairs. Period.
I'm sure your daughter also
I'm sure your daughter also has other various bottoms as well. Boys simply have jeans to wear. 3 pairs is simply not enough, I'm my eyes. I know I don't want to do laundry every single day. I work to much and don't have time.
Uuh, A few pairs of sweats
Uuh, A few pairs of sweats during season. Otherwise? Three pairs of jeans. Too cold where she is for skirts or leggings in winter. And she does not have khakis, etc - jeans, Three pairs. Period.
My son has about the same. Maybe four. Doesn't wear sweats.
Both have heard of washing machines and know how to use them. 10 pairs of jeans is simply absurd, IMO. For *any*one.
That is your opinion and
That is your opinion and you're free to have one.
You don't have to wash
You don't have to wash trousers, especially jeans, every day if you're just wearing them to school. You can wear a pair of jeans 2 days in a row. Excessive washing will just wear out clothes faster.
I do personally think 10 pairs of jeans is excessive, unless one is involved in an activity that might necessitate frequent changing of clothes-for example if one lives on a farm and needs to do farm chores before and after school. Even then one probably wouldn't put on a new pair every time-rather keep the soiled pair outside in the shed and change them out every few days.
That being said, it's none of my business what anyone spends their money on. But buying more than 5 pairs at the outside is a waste, IMHO.
The 10 pairs of jeans came
The 10 pairs of jeans came from our house that we sent over. I wash everything after it was been worn once. Especially what SS wears, he tends to sweat from just walking and gives off a strong body oder, even after wearing deodorant. With me working 50 hours a week I don't do laundry everyday.
do they only wear them ONCE
do they only wear them ONCE before washing?? jeans unless something is spilled on them can be worn several times before washing.
and yes, these kids can be taught how to do laundry,.
Jeans do not need to be
Jeans do not need to be washed daily. By 12? Both of mine did their own - and knew to ask if anyone else had something to toss in (they did draw the line at each others'underwear, which I could understand).
There is rarely a reason to do laundry on a daily basis. But if kiddo doesn't have enough clean clothes? Hand the dirty ones to his Dad when he walks in the door.
i would have ignored it.
i would have ignored it. when skids were young dh payed child support and most of dental and medical plus any other things like piano and dance lessons. guilt.
Well if you read my blog
Well if you read my blog completely you would realize it will be hard for her to exchange the clothing. Everything we sent home wit SS was used clothing from our house. That's why she is upset, she wanted new clothing.
Out of curiosity, how does
Out of curiosity, how does one return new clothes, without a receipt, for cash? All the stores I go to won't give out cash without a receipt. They'll just give out store credit.
DH doesn't buy any clothes or
DH doesn't buy any clothes or school supplies for BM's house. We stock our house with everything they need here; BM does the same at her house. She knows better than to ask for extras at this point.
Ridiculous. This year we
Ridiculous.
This year we have SD7 full time. I bought all her school clothes and supplies. BM didn't show up at her orientation to meet her teacher, although I texted her the time. I didn't "remind her" the night before. Hmp. Nobody reminded me the night before either. I remind myself.
The first day of school is this week. She was trying to finagle a way to pick SD up and take her to school so she can "say hi and meet the teacher." I told her to feel free to show up at the school and talk to the teacher if she wanted to, but that I've done everything else, and I'm getting her up, getting her dressed, and insuring that she has everything she needs, so no, she won't be swinging by my house disrupting my family's morning to pick up one child so she can go do the mother of the year pageant.